I think I need help.

[theverysuccessfulone]

Not coping with things, had a bit of a meltdown yesterday in front of DC who are 3 and 1. I'm on sertraline but I need real help. From people.

For a second I thought of jumping from the window (drama queen mode on) and it scared me.

DH and I have been together for 10 years and he still can't understand me, so I don't think he ever will. He is patient (always) and helpful (sometimes), but he has his own issues (work, midlife crisis, he doesn't like living in the uk, etc) but a lot of the time he behaves like a third child, we spent a week away on holiday with another family and I think what tipped me over the edge was seeing that he behaved like one of the children, not one of the adults.

But it may be something else that tipped me over the edge. I don't know. As I said, I need proper help, from someone who knows what they're doing (meaning: not DH, not the NHS GPs, not a random CBT therapist...)

Family is all overseas.

[horsetowater]

Have you had time away from DH - to see if he is contributing to the problem? What did your friends think of his behaviour?

[theverysuccessfulone]

I have very little time away from DH - once a year for a couple of weeks, when visiting family. I always come back promising myself to be more patient and accepting towards him.

Being away from him makes me calmer, but I don't know how much of the problem is his ridiculous behaviour, and how much is that I'm absolutely intolerant with him. I have no patience for the little failings that are normal.

I'm not very close to the other family - one of them is an old friend of DH he haven't seem for ages, and we didn't know the partner, so I couldn't talk about it openly. But there were comments that DH was not very attentive to the DC, and the other couple were always keeping an eye on my DC, as they noticed DH was sometimes distracted, or leaving things like plastic bags or scissors within reach of the DC.

It's important to add that I have a history of depression and anxiety and lots of things since way before I met DH. So I'm sure he is not the cause of the problems.

[horsetowater]

If being away from him makes you calmer you could perhaps try to pretend he's not there IYSWIM? Detach from the things that annoy you, try to not respond or react. Don't expect him do do anything helpful or positive.

So for example if the scissors are lying there next to DC, just go over and pick them up, don't tell him to do it. Don't engage in anything he does unless it's positive.

[theverysuccessfulone]

But what good would come from that? I'm already at breaking point, and I need help. Acting like that would be so stressful that I would probably have a proper breakdown.

[Mirages]

What kind of help you think you need? Help with kids, help for yourself, help with cleaning, partner therapy etc?

I was at breaking point. My DC are same age as yours, and I see a family worker and cpn. Health visitor would offer some more help but atm I am ok now. I got loads of help from relatives with child care. A good starting point is gp.

[theverysuccessfulone]

I need therapy, I need someone to talk to.

I once had a gp who understood how I was feeling and was so nice that i ended up crying at the surgery. But I can't see her now as I moved to another area.

[SilverStars]

If you need therapy then finding a therapist you can have a good relationship is perhaps something to look for? Our NHS is good but longer term therapy with a someone you can have a good relationship is not usually an option. Usually short term talking therapies are offered. If you have a severe mental health diagnosis then you can ask to be referred to your local mental health team for assessment and see if they will take you on. You could get a nurse, occupational therapist or social worker to support you depending on need.

Only other option is to find charities or private sources of therapy.

Do you know your HIV? A good source of support for many mums. May have other suggestions as well in your area of sources of support.

[theverysuccessfulone]

Mirages how did you recover from your "breaking point"?

Silverstars I know my HV, she's OK, but I feel I need a therapist now... Unfortunately I can't pay for a private one, not now. I have to admit I'm a bit wary about being referred to a local mh team or something like that. I don't want something like "suicidal thoughts" on my NHS file.

[SilverStars]

Hi if you are referred to a local MH team then you do not automatically get a therapist. Many people get a mm are co-ordination who is a nurse, to or SW and has some counselling training. And their job is to always risk assess, so in order to get referred you will need to be classed as ill enough to need it, therefore everything needs to be on your file to help you.

If you want talking therapy it may be an idea to ask your gp to refer you to a talking treatment and not a MH team? Do remember that in the NHS all records are kept and your gp will be informed by letter. So any person you say you are suicidal will record that risk, to protect themselves and to ensure you get the right help.