anxiety getting help and how I will be viewed as a parent.

[notmakingsense]

I have posted once before about my anxiety. Briefly it focuses on money and if there is enough to the point that I hate buying things and budget and do calculations over half a dozen times a day when at worst but also spirals off into worries about how clean my home is and whether im a good enough mum. My p doesn't understand and I often find myself feeling resentful and wondering if our relationship works anymore though im aware that this could be down to how im feeling. If however its not will seeking help and perhaps starting medication and counselling affect how I am viewed as a parent im my childrens main carer would being treated mean my p would be more likely to get to be the residential parent? I know its not right to think like that but im worried about taking getting help to the next level due to this. I am currently awaiting blood test results to see if my anxiety has an 'organic' source and have a low dose beta blocker . Help please.

[mindfulmoomin]

Hi, that really sounds like a form of anxiety. OCD or Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it sounds like you're doing the right thing by having a blood test and beta blockers do help..

Try some distraction techniques, each time you feel you need to check your finances or clean, perhaps go for a walk, put some radio on and have a sing or come onto these forums and try and take your mind off of it.

If the symptoms seem to be getting worse, ask your GP if you could be referred for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), it's a block of short counselling but will deal with these intrusive thoughts and turning the negative into positive. Also have a look at mindfulness meditation, I was a skeptic at first but feel that this along with anxiety meds and therapy are fantastic for overcoming panic & anxiety.

Also anti-depressants can help anxiety and also regulate time of the month, when for example I find my anxiety is worse.

Most importantly, lots of self care, bubble baths, do nice things for you, tell yourself how great you are !

I suffered from GAD, Chronic anxiety and 'was' agoraphobic for many years, am also primary carer for my Son and can assure you that nobody has undermined my parenting or had concern for my ability to be a Mum because of anxiety or my mental health issues.

Good luck and well done for speaking with your GP, it sounds like you are taking control. :)

[notmakingsense]

Thanks for responding mindfulmoomin and sillylass79 it seems to have ramped up a bit again and all that triggered it was my p mentioning money feel a bit mad tbh. There can be extra money and I still calculate and dont wnat to spend because of the 'what ifs' ie what if I nwed to replace a big item what if we spend too much and dont have any extra behind us what if we end up in debt the list goes on. I know the problem is essentially mine but my p saying 'I dont know what your so uptight about' or 'you have to spend for fun sometimes or its no life at all' doesnt help I dont know having already said what ive said here omitting the bits about him how to make him understand how awful I feel!

I go back in a couple of weeks how do I make the doctor see how bad I feel? Should I go back sooner?

[notmakingsense]

So I went back to docs today as I feel anxious all the time and just not enjoying life even the thought of using small amounts of money for anything unnecessary makes me feel anxious and start to calculate over and over. Also doing necessary house work all I think is this place is still untidy and what if I need to replace things as im not cleaning/looking after them enough ive been given setraline 50mg for 1 week then 100mg I just hope it helps. Ive also to be retested for thyroid as it was borderline hyper

[notmakingsense]

sillylass79 how quickly does it make you worse as feeling very bad today ive to take 50mg for a week then 100mg.whats the best time to take it? I took it in afternoon yesterday but felt a bit drowsy so hanging off till bedtime as im not sleeping well at all just constantly worried about something last night I was worked up that my youngest dc Im not feeding enough and I still am even though it was pointed out to me that if I wasnt dc would be crying all the time. Have also calculated various things 5 times or more today I just want to be me again always was a worrier but this is intense.

[notmakingsense]

Thanks sillylass im awake again! I just wish I could get a decent nights sleep but its not happening I honestly feel very down as well as anxious? Like whats the point of anything only thing keeping me going are dc & my family are being supportive. I just wish I could even say I feel ok doesnt need to be good just ok would be fine

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

Op can I just chip in to say I totally understand what you're going through. After my mum passed away a year ago I started suffering from anxiety. It seemed to focus on my job and a fear of getting sacked even though there was no issues with my performance at all. In fact I actually got a bonus for doing well all year. It got to a stage where I thought everyone was gossiping about how rubbish I am. I even used to hover around people while they opened their mail thinking every official letter was a complaint about me! It was really awful and debilitating. I hardly slept past 4am and had suicidal thoughts. Beta blockers helped for a while but my heart would always be racing regardless. Finally the gp prescribed citalopram. It made everything worse for about 10 days with the worst headaches I've ever experienced. And then suddenly I started feeling like myself again. The constant dread and fear lessened and felt removed from me so that I could look at it rationally and tell myself not to worry instead of driving myself into a frenzy. I really hope your medication works. Stick with it

[notmakingsense]

Thanks sillylass wow congratulations wont be long till your baby is here then. I gave up got up n went to watch tv leaving my phone in room otherwise id have replied and no doubt been on all night. Thanks for continuing to reassure me the chinese knife over heart sounds right! I think if I wasn't hearing from you and others here od be tempted to give up as my thoughts are racing even more than normal.

journey thanks for replying to me im so sorry about your mum. I cant think of an obvious trigger for this so im finding it hard to understand. Part I guess is guilt as I reduced my working hours after mat leave so I was not relying on family too much for childcare but this obviously means I bring in less and therefore having less money is on me but on the other hand if working more id feel guilty about leaving dc and asking someone to watch them (full day childcare would be same as wage)

I just wish I could shake the feelings of dread and feeling like nothing is worth it anymore. Not sleeping is making it worse?

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

Op hang in there. I honestly believe that you will soon feel like yourself again but it might get worse before it gets better. I was literally crippled by fear. Fear of things that hadn't happened. Looking back I can see that my fears were ridiculous. I had us living on the streets and begging for food all because I'd been sacked.

When you mention triggers, could it have been pnd? The stress of being a Mum and an employee is enough of a trigger I think.

[notmakingsense]

Thanks journey I hope so it sure doesn't feel like it right now. I was treated but only very briefly for pnd but dd is now almost a year old though this has been building since id say oct/nov last year I just managed it better. Im sure my p thinks ive lost my mind he may be right.

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

we're all rooting for you. you're not alone. Your dp probably doesnt know how to help you or how to handle the situation. I know mine didnt, bless him

[notmakingsense]

Thank you journey I just want to feel better. I want to be happy mummy though as far as I can tell the dc haven't noticed too much as I do my best to put a face on while they r awake they keep me going the only positive emotion I feel right now is endless love for them.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I had god awful anxiety and am a lone parent. I was hospitalized with it last year for a week as I started Setraline and it had an awful side-effect on me (made me feel worse so I ended up feeling suicidal on it which is not that uncommon when starting an AD, so be watchful). For what it's worth they'll see it as a good thing that you're seeking help. I didn't see a social worker or anything when I was admitted (voluntarily) or after as I was looking after DS fine and that's all that matters to them.

If you're having trouble sleeping maybe go back to the GP and explain? They put me on Mirtazipine (another AD) instead, which you take at night and it helps with the sleep so much

I was getting about 3 hrs if lucky on the Sertraline, but everyone is different. If you're desperate don't wait too long and just go back and explain you need something additional for the sleep or would like to try a different course of action etc.

CBT can also really work for some. In 6 months I've gone from all that to pretty much normal just through CBT and ADs.

Best of luck It's such a hopeless, dreadful place to be but it's not permanent and you just have to try and remember that. You won't feel this bad forever and there are always people you can talk to, on here and in RL

[notmakingsense]

Thanks theorchardkeeper I think the thought that how im feeling could lead to my parenting being questioned is what scares me most or irrationally that my p will get fed up with how I am and be granted residancy as im like this

[TheOrchardKeeper]

That really is not likely to happen unless you're putting them at risk with your behaviour...which you are not. So please try to forget about that and just seek all the help that you can so that you can get better for yourself and for your DC. You're not a bad parent just for getting ill

If you'd broken your leg and found you needed help because of that you wouldn't be a bad mum and it's no different in your case. Some misinformed/ignorant people do unfortunately hold opinions like that but not the medical professionals who count and can help you

Just try to focus on as little as possible and tackle it all one step at a time

[notmakingsense]

Thanks I will try im so tired today but Whether or not I will a nap I dont know also feel very sick

[Becomingmom]

This scared me also, I have OCD, having relaxed and accepted that I will be fine and so will my child now I'm afraid that because I've sought help my baby will be taken. Honestly, my advice is to relax. You won't be judged for seeking help, organisations and professionals are there to support you before any thing else.

[notmakingsense]

Thanks becomingmom it just worries me especially in relation to if my p couldn't cope with me and he wanted to leave I keep thinking that as ive sought help I would end up the non resident parent and that would kill me completely

Im awake again!! Sleep is the only escape and im lucky if im getting 3 hours per night any hints or tips?

[Becomingmom]

I sleep best straddling a duvet and then with a blanket over my bare leg. Strange but it works for me. Or a pillow between my thighs and on my left side. Don't panic about these things, I know its easier said than done believe me but when you are anxious you are living in the future :) have faith and accept what is now. You can't confront something that hasn't/probably won't happen. All the best.

[notmakingsense]

Thanks again I actually slept last night for more than 3 hours which is good but I still cant get my mind to stop worrying unfortunately its almist like I dont want financial responsibility but couldn't let anyone else take it either as then it could be a complete disaster aagh will I ever stop feeling so rubbish?

[notmakingsense]

Ok im very anxious again my poor ds has been up being sick pretty much since 2am even water is coming back up im so very worried about him how I will cope when p is away to work with both dc about whether youngest will catch it and whether I will get it as I dong want to have to take time off work which is obvs silly to worry about losing money while either me or a dc is ill im so ashamed of these thoughts but cannot shake them.