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I don't think I'm acting in a sensible way.

(39 Posts)

8 weeks ago I was on a drug regime that had kept me well for nearly 2 years. I started to get stressed at work and started to reduce my meds unsupervised. since then I persuaded my psych to let me drop the antipsychotic and go back onto an antidepressant and not on her advice have stopped taking a mood stabiliser.

This seemed like a really good idea at the time, but it's struck me that I don't actually know what the hell I'm doing. I think my addled brain thought that a dose of hypomania would be good for me, but there no guarantee I will go that way and may actually end up depressed. I see. To be walking into fucking up my life with my eyes wide open and I don't know why.

Argh.

I don't think it helps that I've changed care co and psych and neither of them know me so I've "got away with" making these ridiculous changes.

Help.

Nittynana Mon 17-Mar-14 04:02:24

You know yourself.... Can you go back on the previous regime? Xx
Good luck, bipolar is a bitch

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Mon 17-Mar-14 04:06:09

Oh Keema I'm sorry. Can you come clean and tell one of them? It's not too late.

Mirages Mon 17-Mar-14 06:33:30

can you tell your doctor you were unhappy with your drugs and stopped them. BUT wish to start them again.

Mirages Mon 17-Mar-14 06:38:08

Hypomanias are not always lovely productive ones. My last one was drug induced and horrible. The one before was natural but lasted so long that it turned bad as well.

Thanks all. I know i need to do something. Last time I started to go manic I had a vile mixed episode and wound up in hospital, so I know this is bad. I just can't work out what is going on. I'm sensible, I take my meds and now in a short space of time I'm not.

I'm wondering if the stress meant that I started to get ill, fucking up my judgement. I'm swinging between 'drugs ha! Who needs them' to 'WTAF am I doing'.

I may try to speak to my GP who knows me better than the other two. My new care co appears to be unable to pick up a phone.

Mirages Mon 17-Mar-14 08:13:13

Hopefully your gp is helpful. I would like to stop my unhelpful meds but then I would go even worse. I am having mixed episode. I just had ad induced hypomania/mania.

Maybe you just need med adjustment as stress got to you too much.

Earliest free appt with my GP is the 31st March. I'll just have to try and reign myself in while I still have the insight.

Misslosingit Mon 17-Mar-14 10:06:59

Can you leave a message for your cc, saying it's urgent?

Mirages Mon 17-Mar-14 10:09:09

Do you feel hypomanic already? Early signs like less sleep, colours seems brighter, more energy?

I had 4 hours sleep last night and don't feel tired, but I don't feel off apart from that. I'll see what happens tonight. If I don't sleep again after very little sleep then I'll see if I can get a call on the day appt tomorrow. Call on the day ones on Monday are even harder to get than regular appts. I've booked the one for the 31st as a back up just in case.

I'm not going to ring the CC. This new one appears to have a phone allergy and seems incapable of returning calls. grin

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Mon 17-Mar-14 17:08:14

I think an on the day appointment is definitely justified if you can get one. CC sounds rubbish.

Hope you can sleep tonight. smile

I'll be fine I'm sure. I'm going to tuck up in bed with the iPad and try to get an early night. Reducing the meds at first was a good-ish plan as I couldn't work long hours on the anti-ps. I suspect the rest that has followed isn't such a good idea. I'll speak to my GP though.

Mirages Mon 17-Mar-14 21:03:46

I actually asked for AD from psych. One reason was possible high blush. The main reason was suicidal depression, though. I got high within a week even though I took my mood stabilisers.

Not sleeping yet do have taken some diazepam. it's not to late at the mo though so no worries as yet. the highs are so alluring, but I know they're damaging which is why I'm so sensible normally, but I just couldn't bring myself to take them tonight even knowing what I know.

I'll call my gp tomorrow.

Mirages Tue 18-Mar-14 08:24:18

Maybe injection would be helpful, if you have problems to take tablets.

That's the annoying thing though, I've not had a problem taking them, but suddenly I do and I can't work out whether it's the right or wrong thing to stop. Didn't sleep properly again last night. I'll give it another day then see about going to the GP.

What I'm experiencing may just be the withdrawal side effects, in which case, sticking it out will be ok.

Misslosingit Tue 18-Mar-14 10:46:30

Has anyone noticed you acting differently? I think you should go back on your meds and speak to GP today. They might be able to call you. Not sleeping is always a worry, I had 4 hours last night and I feel horrible and shaky today. Please look after yourself. Imagine what you would tell a friend to do.

Mirages Tue 18-Mar-14 11:20:16

Have you stopped your medication before? What happened then?

Yes, once and I ended up ill. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result. It may be different this time. grin

I'll be fine. I'll give it a week to see whether the side effects from withdrawal chill out and take it from there. I'm still functioning!!

Mirages Tue 18-Mar-14 13:11:58

So you want to become hypomanic? Try XXXXXXX, and you will be within a week :D

I don't want to be hypomanic, I'd just settle for being on an even keel.

Oh I don't know. I have no idea whether what I am doing is sensible or stupid and only time will tell.

I will see if I get a decent night's sleep tonight and take it from there. I'm actually feeling quite tired this afternoon, which is a good sign.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 18-Mar-14 15:55:15

Keema why not give your GP a call and talk it through with them? Maybe you could get a telephone appointment this afternoon?

I'm going to call it a day at work, go home and see if I can have a snooze before the family get back. I've left a message for my care co to give me a call tomorrow. If that happens, I will let you know as hell may also be freezing over.

If no sleep again tonight then I will speak to my GP.

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