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My life is a mess.

(9 Posts)
BluBurd Sat 15-Mar-14 16:05:54

I don't know what will make me better. I am on sertraline for depression and anxiety 100mg about to go into week four.

I don't even know why I am bothering posting this because I know nothing can help. But I have been crying on and off today and just feel broken.

I have to move in a weeks time. Where to I don't know. Today I have been preoccupied by my own mortality and that of those around me. I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. That nothing matters anymore.

I don't understand what's happened to me. I had three good days where I felt almost okay. But now back to feeling crazy and terrified of life/death.

I have no idea how I am meant to pack up and move a whole house, on my own with four kids. I don't know where we are going to end up. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up.

TwixTime Sat 15-Mar-14 16:38:08

Are you taking your meds religiously every day? That's important. It's also important to get to the root of any underlying problems and talk.

It's not always ideal to seek help online as many people can be unintentionally cruel so please also seek help in rl even if you can't face talking to friends/family the Samaritans are available 24/7 and won't judge you.

as for practical advice right now I would ask you to try some positive self talk. I know how you feel right now but just try to breathe deeply and say a couple of things you are grateful for. Lots of studies show that gratitude however small can lift moods.

I'll be around if you need to talk. You deserve to feel good and happy and you will get there

BluBurd Sat 15-Mar-14 16:59:22

Thanks twixtime. I have a crisis team and I did lean on my mum and brother but I don't want to drag them down and I don't think they can help me. I know I have to help myself.

I take the sertraline religiously at 10pm every night. I thought it was working but now I'm not so sure.

I feel so certain that this is how i am now. That every day is going to be a case of existing. I am heartbroken, I want to be the happy confident mum I used to be.

TwixTime Sat 15-Mar-14 17:18:32

You will be you just need to be patient and a bit kinder to yourself. It sounds like you have a lot going on and knowing change is around the corner is enough to unsettle most people regardless of their mh.

You don't want to drag you family down- I can't comment fully as I don't know them but are you sure this would be their reaction? It sounds like you may be projecting feelings that don't exist? Imagine it was your dc feeling the way you do- wouldn't you always want them to open up to you? Have a bit of faith and consider speaking to your family.

Chances are they will be relieved that you want to talk as often when we bottle up feelings we think no one notices anything is wrong which usually isn't the case.

You don't just exist- you matter. You love your family and your dc and that love is important and means something. You can get through this and the fact that you are being responsible with your meds proves that. You are taking the right steps.

Is there anything particular that is on your mind?

BluBurd Sat 15-Mar-14 17:47:30

There is so much on my mind I don't know where to start. I just cannot adjust to my life now. 7 weeks ago I was in a relationship, looking forward to moving in together with the kids and I felt like I had it all. Instead I had a sudden split with my ex, as in literally overnight, had a breakdown and am having to try comprehend a move on my own. It just wasn't supposed to be like this.

I have lost myself somewhere and I don't know how to get myself back. I feel disconnected from the people around me, empty. And I am struggling really bad with feeling like I am going to die at any minute, that everything I know is going to be taken away from me. crazy, aren't i.

DumDum32 Sat 15-Mar-14 17:54:02

((( blubird )))

Ur not alone in those feelings I've been feeling disconnected from those around me for a few weeks now. Sorry I don't know what the answer is for us as even though I'm taking my meds I'm not getting any better either sad

TwixTime Sat 15-Mar-14 18:01:11

Well this explains a lot. You have been through a major unexpected trauma and you are dealing with the fall out.

Every day you get through will take you closer to feeling 'normal' again. You know you are capable of happiness and so it's circumstances that are making you feel this way- your circumstances will change.

Allow yourself to feel heartbroken by the actions of your partner but also know you will get over this and as cliche as it sounds you'll be a stronger person on the other side who will value the people in your life who don't let you down.

When you can, consider forgiving his selfishness- not to get back together but to allow you to move on without bitterness so that when you are ready and after you feel valued again you can move forward and meet the person you are truly meant to be with

BluBurd Sat 15-Mar-14 18:11:17

Thanks both of you. I also had a near death experience 7 weeks ago too. I am guessing the anxiety over dying is from that. I haven't been able to have therapy yet as I was too unstable but last week my psychiatrist has put in a referral for cbt.

Just sometimes I can't handle what's happened to my life.

TwixTime Sat 15-Mar-14 18:40:59

You need to give yourself some credit because you are handling this- as best you can - and the fact that you are reaching out makes you stronger than most.

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