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I know I'm not mentally unwell but what is it about me that makes me not tolerate people?

(30 Posts)
Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 17:16:23

I have really low tolerance for people, mainly family.... My inlaws annoy the hell out of me and really there is nothing that bad about them, my mum annoys me and mainly as she always sits on the fence and over thinks everything....

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 26-Feb-14 17:18:58

I used to be like this, I have chilled out massively with age grin

You have to learn to ignore the small things, in the same way that I'm sure you hope people ignore the small things about you that annoy them!

MuttonCadet Wed 26-Feb-14 17:24:18

Are you sure you aren't narsissistic?

Are they just not measuring up to your ideal?

Time tends to make you more accepting of other peoples failings as you discover your own.

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 17:29:34

I'm not narcissistic I don't think no, don't know why I feel this way, it's only really since being pregnant and now 3 months post natal, could it be hormones? Mind you I have always been a bit annoyed with my mum for being a softie, but she had mental health problems and was hospitalised when I was a teenager so I wonder if it's something to do with that too.... I do think I'm too independent for my own good, I won't let anyone help me ever!

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 17:31:34

Also inlaws are annoying a bit as they are chronic worriers and I'm not, I'm more relaxed in that respect. But I don't think it should warrant the amount of resentment I feel to them all at times

pickles184 Wed 26-Feb-14 17:42:37

I had a similar thing whilst pregnant, to be fair it's only gone completely recently and DD is 15 months.

I've never had the highest tolerance for irritating personalities, but I thought the whole world has turned in to annoying arseholes grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 26-Feb-14 21:20:02

Oh if it has changed since being pregnant and having a newborn then I wouldn't worry too much. That be hormones grin

It is good that you are aware of it though, and if you know that they are lovely people really then try not to let your annoyance show and in time things will sort themselves out.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 26-Feb-14 21:35:18

Here's my reading on scant information.

Your thread title immediately shows bias against being 'mentally unwell' (there was no reason to declare you know you aren't). This may stem from suppressed or unresolved anger and resentment towards your mother for her mental health issues and hospitalisation.

Her illness and weakness left you unsupported.

In some way you continue to feel anger over it and project that anger onto other 'weak' family members.

Just a thought which presented itself v strongly to me.

Apologies if I'm way off smile

omletta Wed 26-Feb-14 21:37:37

How do you know you aren't 'mentally unwell'?

silvermirror Wed 26-Feb-14 21:50:14

I would agree definately unresolved emotions and feelings related to your mothers own mental health.
How social are you with friends and work aquaintances.
How well did you socialise at school?

OnMyJones Wed 26-Feb-14 21:50:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 26-Feb-14 21:55:21

Are you the OP, onmyjones ?

Not so much offensive as a big 'tell' about what's motivating this for you.

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 21:56:14

I just sort of meant I don't think I'm depressed or anxious or anything. I don't think I resent my mum for being ill but maybe as I never had a mum that mothered me I became very independent and didn't need anyone close,
I have friends, not loads but a few good ones and I'm generally well liked at work, I'm quite chatty and sociable.

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 22:02:03

Stupid phone posted before I was ready, changed nickname earlier and forgot to change back for this post. Sorry for confusion.
Erm, ok so you think maybe I suppress anger to my mum? Maybe, but I'm not sure as I never feel anger just annoyance at them

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 26-Feb-14 22:08:00

But you said you feel it's unwarranted levels of resentment - and enough to start a thread, anyway.

Something is twanging in your subconscious it seems.

First pregnancy? Issues of being a mother yourself pressing buttons concerning how independent you had to be?

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 22:13:30

Yes but more so to my inlaws, I don't understand why they get on my nerves so much, they are over the top in their worries and anxieties and this gets me but since having baby I feel I have to walk out room sometimes as they cause me to get all worked up, also I begin to feel I wouldn't mind if I didn't Have to see them that much... I feel horrible for feeling that way so I'm trying to understand why.... smile

silvermirror Wed 26-Feb-14 22:19:27

You dont sound like you have a social issue then, so may be there is something going on with your immediate family ie mum and mil.
Did you help care for your mum when yr mum was at home, inbetween hospital? When you was a teenager?
Are your friends a mothering type?
I dont think your angry at your mum but may be have anger because what you missed out on around mothering ect.
When i feel annoyed it can trigger deeper responces to other feelings and i would say lingering annoyance could lead to feeling angry at some level.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 26-Feb-14 22:33:13

Maybe they're just really annoying grin

AgentZigzag Wed 26-Feb-14 22:38:12

I'm also just giving my take on the scant information, and think the 'I'm not mentally unwell' a bit unusual given the board you've posted on.

You seem to be almost trying to prove to yourself that you're 'neutral' in every way. That you see your PIL as causing you to get worked up at their anxieties and worries, when in fact most people have anxieties most of the time about one thing or another, and sharing them with your family can help.

They're not trying to make the anxieties yours, and they'd probably be mortified if they thought they were too much and were making you try to escape them.

Another way of describing your independence could be saying you seem isolated, 'I won't let anyone help me ever!' why not? It's one way people show they love another person.

Do you see anxiety and dependence (even if it's not a full dependence) as a weakness in other people? You've had to build up 'the wall' (love pink floyd grin) to protect yourself and survive, and the consequence of that is that you dislike what you've had to go without? (ie help when you needed it)

(ignore if that's bollocks grin)

AgentZigzag Wed 26-Feb-14 22:40:37

Or what Atrocious said grin

If that's the case, AIBU <<<==== is thataway (which I'm surprised to discover is actually all one word).

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 26-Feb-14 22:47:52

Op, if you think it could be hormonal, go and get chacked out at the doctor's. (Yes, irritability/low tolrrance can be the result of a hormonal imbalance, e.g. thyroid. It isn't necessarily going to be severe enough to be treated with drugs, but good to get checked). Also things like aneamia, low vitamin D etc.

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 22:49:51

Hi silver, I did do caring of dad and brother while mum was away, housework, dinners etc but not caring of my mum.
I feel bad as inlaws and mum are so so nice and generous but just annoying!!!!! Can that happen? Be nice people yet major annoying

Hotmad Wed 26-Feb-14 22:55:52

Thanks agentzigzag, really interesting what you've said, the inlaws do have irrational anxiety so i don't think I'm being unfair to them I just can't seem to handle their anxiety... It's given me food for thought now all you've written as I also my partner suffers with ocd and has history of depression so maybe all linked in together to make me feel this way. By the way my partner doesn't annoy me (well only sometimessmile )

larahusky Wed 26-Feb-14 22:58:24

I do have mental health issues most definitely; but as an aside, I found having a new born baby made me more intolerant that I have ever been before or since.

Maybe there are lots of more profound reasons for it, but I honestly think lack of sleep, and the realisation of quite how demanding a baby can be, is enough to make the rest of the world seem infuriating!

Hope it improves for you, but I would give yourself a lot of leeway and see if things settle down for you in the coming months.

larahusky Wed 26-Feb-14 23:05:10

ps After both babies, I found my mother in law intensely annoying. But actually she is one of the sweetest women I have ever met - and I thought so pre-babies and again when both babies were about 6 months' old. It was totally irrational, but everything about her just got on my nerves!

I found my own mother quite irritating too.

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