At Christmas I had pneumonia which took 2 lots of extended antibiotics, then I got pleurisy. In between all that I overdosed which unfortunately I woke up from.
4 weeks ago my ex partner sexually assaulted me, I already knew it was my fault but my counsellor reinforced that belief by telling me that I had put my daughter at risk by allowing it to happen, that I need to think of someone else other than myself...but that night I was, I wasnt thinking of myself I was thinking of my daughter.
I didnt scream or shout or say no because I didn't want to make him mad or angry and my daughter be disturbed and come through and see what was going on.
I know I messed up, I fell back into that trap.
I'm messing everything up for everyone. I've become that shouty mum that I hate.
Out of all 3 of my kids only 1 is speaking to me and that's only a mumble.
I cant go on like this, its only February and I've had 2 serious illnesses, my ex hurt me and now there maybe a problem with my heart.
I've let everyone down and I'm just damaging everyone around me and its probably best I'm not here but my kids are here so I cant just now but it hurts so much and I just want it to stop.
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Mental health
I dont know how to keep doing this anymore
13 replies
muddleup · 22/02/2014 03:17
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