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I HATE my brain!

(8 Posts)
frugalfuzzpig Tue 14-Jan-14 00:03:45

angry

Anxiety... it's the centre of my world lately. I don't even know when it got so bad - I didn't really notice it getting worse, or even that it was an issue TBH, it is so much a part of me that I didn't even realise I was doing it IYSWIM? Worry is my baseline emotion. I spend, without even (until recently) realising it, a huge amount of my time just trying to distract myself. The purpose of my brain is to try its hardest not to feel what it's feeling - to avoid it at all costs. But it doesn't work sometimes sad

Sometimes it gets into what feels like an infinite loop. I worry about something and it just gets bigger and bigger and my brain just won't shut up. Like tonight, I messed up at work, it's a minor thing and I've already apologised for being a bit behind but it has amplified and there's a big ball of fear in my stomach because I'm scared of what will happen when I'm next in. I'm going to attempt to sleep downstairs with a DVD on because it's the only thing that has a chance of drowning out intrusive thoughts. I've been lying in bed for over an hour just dwelling and panicking and my brain hurts from overthinking every little detail.

I am exhausted sad

I know all the CBT stuff so well I could write a bloody book on it but when the anxiety sets in it just isn't enough. I am trying so hard but I don't think I'm capable of not being anxious anymore.

bluebell234 Tue 14-Jan-14 00:17:11

have you tried yoga or meditation? I haven't but i would like to learn these.
also, how about positive thinking?
I hope you will feel better soon.

frugalfuzzpig Tue 14-Jan-14 00:33:46

Thank you, I feel a bit better having written it down and will try to sleep now. I just want my brain to change though! Haven't tried meditation properly although have done a lot of mindfulness. It does help a little, but it takes a lot of getting used to as my brain has spent my entire life doing the exact opposite (fighting against thoughts rather than accepting them). I know what I'm supposed to do but putting it into practice is a different matter hmm it's because anxiety is a self protection method. If I expect the worst it won't hurt as much when it happens (supposedly!)

bluebell234 Tue 14-Jan-14 07:46:33

there is good info on that site, it may help you maybe.
http://www.rainybrainsunnybrain.com/bbc-horizon/

TheRealCarrieBradshaw Tue 14-Jan-14 08:05:14

frugal - meet your mate!

Mine became really bad in 2011, when we had a major house flood and had to move into temp accommodation whilst our house was re-furbed hmm I went to my GP and couple months later attended CBT. I agree with you though, the Anxiety and irrational thoughts seem to just outweigh the CBT techniques, which then seem to become pointless hmm

I was put on a low dose (20mg) of Citalopram, and that really did help me. I was also diagnosed with having GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder).

I too would be sat at my desk in work, and everytime my boss would take a call and close his door I thought he was discussing me and how to get rid of me! I believe now that this level of Paranoia was brought on by the GAD.

I now take 40mg daily of Citalopram and find they do really help. They don't take away the Anxiety completely but they do work to an extent.

Do you have a hobby that maybe you could do more of to take your mind into a better place? I love taking myself for a coffee and reading my Kindle.

There is a book by a famous American DR (he is now dead rest his soul), it's called 'Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff' by Dr Richard Carlson ... Each chapter is only a page (very small book) but puts your irrational worries into complete perspective. When I start to worry and my mind starts to spiral (which it does), I tend to refer to this book, or remember some of what it contains - it really did help me smile

I know Anxiety is a horrible thing to have to deal with hmm Mine is combined with OCD so I feel like I'm battling every day tbh hmm

I am here if you ever feel you need to chat. Do you have a supportive partner, family, friends etc? I don't if I'm honest, so have to pretty much deal with it alone, but then turn the negatives into positives by realising how much stronger I'm becoming smile x x

TheRealCarrieBradshaw Tue 14-Jan-14 09:41:02

Frugal how are you feeling today? smile X

frugalfuzzpig Tue 14-Jan-14 15:08:03

Thank you, I do feel better today. Was still very anxious this morning and DH eventually persuaded me to go out with him for a bit. We went via work (it's a public place so not weird) and I asked my colleague if it was all ok and she reassured me. I apologised as I'd also sent her a text earlier - feel a bit vulnerable having exposed my craziness but she is a really good friend so I know it's ok really.

I will check out that website bluebell thank you smile

Carrie I have not been diagnosed with anything to do with anxiety, but the psychiatrist I saw over a year ago said he thinks I have OCD sad I'm not sure if he's right but I need to chase up the referral (I'm currently having therapy in London for a physical condition, and didn't want the two to overlap so I'd not bothered pursuing help locally)

I first got diagnosed with depression age 14 - so nearly half my life ago! - but I've only recently come to understand that depression is actually more of a symptom, and anxiety is the main issue. I become depressed because I turn all my anxiety inwards and feel a failure (social phobia is a big part of it although not as bad as it was) and basically wear my brain out with all the paranoid thinking.

frugalfuzzpig Tue 14-Jan-14 15:08:36

Meant to say I'm sorry you went through all that with the flood, how awful sad

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