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How am I ment to deal with anxiety when I have a child

(13 Posts)
Crystalhugs28 Wed 08-Jan-14 19:49:40

Right here goes I don't want to ramble on so il get to the point , I've suffered with anxiety , panic attacks and bouts of agoraphobia for 7 years now since my daughter was born ! I've had it inset into me that I should be this fantastic mother who does everything at the school , amazing birthday parties , picnics at weekends and a total dream mother which by the way I want to be I love that stuff , but for some reason this anxiety (not just over my daughter) won't leave me alone , I go to pick her up from school and I'm trying go every way how to get out of it or making up lies to get her quicker from school , the anxiety just takes over me , I do pick her up after stressing myself to the max and having to take diazepam to calm me down , it comes to going home and I'm petrified of having to entertain her , be alone with her I don't want her to see me have a panic attack ! Argghhhh I just don't no what to do I'm missing out on her child hood so much it's killing me and affecting her ! This anxiety starts when someone knocks at the door , the phone rings , I have a appointment at docs , anything triggers it ! I am taking 40mg citalopram and diazepam when needed so medication shouldn't be a problem ! I get the head to toe cold sweats the busting headache that makes u feel like ur heads going to pop , the feeling u can't control ur legs like ur going to drop at any point oh and dizziness u hate the dizziness it scared me more than anything ! I've tried the therapy books the breathing technics I don't no what to do I'm so lost ! I am the worst mother I feel I am I sometimes think I should let her dad have her full time but it wud break my heart and my daughters but u feel I just can't cope ! I'm constantly rushing her , rushing our time together just so the feeling passes I'm so scared of messing her life up and her blaming me when she's older don't get me wrong I love my daughter more than life itself I think in a weird way I'm trying to protect her from me ! I can't ever find any information on people suffering with anxiety who have kids to deal with aswell so here's hoping someone reads this and can offer some help ........

violator Wed 08-Jan-14 21:10:22

That's a long time to be feeling like this and you're right to want to tackle it.
I did a anxiety programme as part of an outpatient service in a private psychiatric hospital and I learned an enormous amount about anxiety. Is there something like that local to you?
A counsellor who deals specifically with anxiety would be able to help you a lot too.

Basically, anxiety is normal, everyone feels it. The difference between us and them is that we panic over the feeling of anxiety. Nobody likes feeling anxious but it's just a feeling and a natural reaction in the body, like hunger. It can't hurt us but we feel a bit anxious and the automatic thoughts kick in like "oh no, I'm getting anxious, I hate this, why do I feel like this, what if this happens, what if that happens" etc.
The "what ifs" are at the centre of anxiety.

I was also on medication but to be really honest all it did was mask a lot of the physical symptoms and did nothing to sort out the root of the problem.

larahusky Wed 08-Jan-14 22:03:44

Sometimes ssri anti-depressants can actually accentuate these feelings and make you more anxious, as can diazepam when used long term.

I am sure lots of other people will give you far more practical advice. Anti-depressants of this kind are the most commonly prescribed drug for anxiety and depression but I do know a few people who have got far more keyed up and agitated on them.

teawomen Thu 09-Jan-14 10:20:15

I too have a young dd. Try reading. At last a life by Paul David's he has. Website www.anxietynomore.co.uk he is. Fellow sufferer and he gives lots of good advice. I take sertreline which is helping me learn how to cope with anxiety and am starting to be me again. Good luck. The websites worth a look x

Crystalhugs28 Fri 10-Jan-14 23:51:28

Hi thank you for your replies , over the years I've been on every type of anti depressant to get rid of this blasted anxiety citalopram seem to be only ones I can tolerate all the others give me crazy side effects ! I don't want to have to take meds just to feel normal (normal ish) I want my old self back the free spirit who would go anywhere , do anything so full of confidence , I miss myself ! sad all I ever wanted was to be a mother and for some reason I haven't quiet sussed out yet I just seem to be messing it all up ! I don't really have any support other than my grand mother , my anxiety has effected my life do much so it's sad to say but I actually have no friends not one person I see or I can speak to , when ur scared to live ur life people don't bother no more ! My life is panic now , I take my daughter to school (always in the car, it wud be quicker to walk) I come home I clean the house watch tv , order food shopping to be delivered as I can't handle shopping , around 2pm I start to panic , I feel sick , dizzy , I'm gonna pass out , I'm thinking of any which way to get my daughter early from school and quick or getting my grand mother to get her (she's sussed my tricks now and won't get her as she says it's enabling me to stay in aNd making me worse) so now it's half 2 full panic mode crying don't no what to do ! I talk to myself saying urs daft she's my daughter I love her I should be excited she's coming home , I leave the house (in car ) get to the school (have to make sure I'm slightly late so she comes straight out) get in the car and I'm thinking straight away were can I go what can I do ! If I go home il panic and she will see and get scared , il go to my grandmothers and panic whole time I'm there like some spaced out freak of nature , when the grand mothers not in I go home I worry , I sweat I panic do anything to make time fly by both in bed early 7pm latest watch films in bed coz when I'm laid down the world stops spinning then it starts all over again ! I no it sounds like self pity anyone else. I'd be telling them to get a grip but I just can't seem to ! I don't no whats more painful the fact I have. This anxiety running my life or the fact it's taking my daughters life with it to! sad Were I live there isn't anything like u suggested just a thing thru the gp called time to talk I've been on waiting list for going on 6 weeks now , when I get to see someone god knows how I'm going to cope getting there and staying there !

teawomen Sat 11-Jan-14 10:27:15

I totally get where u are!! But y not set goals each week one day walk to school to pick her up by time u get there you might feel relaxed. The thing is your confidence will be at rock bottom. You can fight this. Infact no not fight just relax and go with it. Think what's the worst that can happen. I was off work a few month n thought Il never go back but now I am. I'm still battling my own demons but by doing thing slowly I'm actually starting to see real me again. I have a dd and by god it was hard work going out into the real world but I pushed myself I walked around the block my dd is very young so have not problems walking the legs off myself. Hope u feel better soon.

LastingLight Sat 11-Jan-14 10:55:09

You need therapy. Can you ask your grandmother to go with you for the first few sessions? She can wait in the car or the waiting room. The first thing you should address with the therapist is how difficult you find it to come there, so that he/she can help you work on that.

mouses Sun 12-Jan-14 00:29:01

i wish i could expressed how i feel like you have as it might of helped my gp understand. i could of wrote every word you said to a 'T'. yet all i can say when im in the gp's room is i feel.... erm... i cant write it, speak it but reading your post says it all.

i sympathise with you, i have 3 kids and everyday i think... i'll keep trying for their sake with the devil on the other shoulder saying 'your poisoning their childhood, just give them to their dads'.......

my daughter asks me if im happy (if she does some thing that's made me shout) i used to say no but she'd cry. so now i lie and say yea but don't do that again. my daughter is 3.5 and is walking n eggshells to keep her mother happy. im pathetic.

im not trying t jump on your thread, jut want to thankyou for spelling it out for me and sharing my experience with you if it helps.

Crystalhugs28 Mon 13-Jan-14 03:08:51

It's the worst feeling in the world feeling like u can't even get being a parent right , the one thing that's ment to come naturally and failing at it , don't get me wrong my daughter is super bright and so so beautiful I love her more than words can say but feeling like ur taking away there child hood because ur brain wants to play tricks on u is heart breaking ! I'm glad in away I'm not the only one going thru this but wouldn't wish it on anyone ! I tried cbt once before felt abit better for a week or so then right bk to square one , sometimes I wish I could just have a accident and get memory loss just in the hope my mind would forget about the anxiety and panic , totally not logical and I'd never intentional hurt myself or anything , I have had thoughts of self harm before but I think if my little girl and could never do it ! I grow up with a alcoholic mother who attempted suicide more times than I can count on both hands , men in and out of our life's a lot of violence towards her from them , I never felt that bond with my mother or felt loved and my father died when I was young so only grand mother to turn to ! Even now at 28 I can't even remember last time she told me she loved me or was proud of my , guess I lack the self confidence as a mother because I was never shown how ! I don't drink , I don't have men around my daughter and I don't have friends no more not one so don't socialise and don't get me wrong in not passing the blame but I guess it's because of my mother , I try to do the opposite of what she did and I seem to have isolated myself to the point were I'm petrified of life ! Single mothers have a lot if pressure in my experience anyway to be both parents , to give love and disaplin , teach them everything that's right and wrong and how to be a child , how to grow , how to become a stable grounded adult but how do u do that when u think everything u do is going to mentally hurt ur child / scare them that ur not good enough sad I've become so scared anxious and panicked at life I no longer have one

Crystalhugs28 Mon 13-Jan-14 03:11:23

Mines 7 and for along time has always said mammy poorly , I just tell her my head hurts how else can u explain that ilu love her so much and she's so perfect it scares the living hell out of u that u might mess it all up and she will never forgive u like she can't forgive her own mother

mouses Mon 13-Jan-14 15:44:38

aww, i really understand you, can can relate to your experience - except my dad was the alcoholic, in and out my childhood. and my nan went to her grave telling my mum she doesn't like me? confused

i never had a bond with my mum, contact isn't often and she sees my kids maybe 3/4 times a year, same as you i don't remember i love you ever in my life time? i used to tink id grow up, have kids and show her how to be a proper parent - but i guess i failed :-( and again like yourself isolated myself and my kids. every day i struggle with guilt on how im ruining my kids lives, i tell myself thy need to live with their dads but im scared with out them i wont have no reason to stay on this earth any more.

i have thoughts of hurting myself, but i don't want my kids to see any marks which kinda helps me fight it.
i really feel your pain, i dont have any words that can make it all better but sometimes it helps to know someones listening.

Crystalhugs28 Mon 13-Jan-14 22:40:06

It's just nice to no I'm not the only one I guess . Wish there was a pill to take to make everything right again before I had my daughter u could never keep me in the house I went everywhere done anything I wanted I was so happy and confident I wish I could have that me back , my doc says it won't last forever but 7 years so far feels like 40 years , I'm now at the point were i don't no what to do or what to try I'm 28 and don't have a clue how to make friends or socialise no more how can I I can't even handle spending time with my only reason for living my daughter ! It's just one horrible circle of guilt and anxiety surely they has to be a end in sight sad how do u cope on a Dailey basis ? X

mouses Tue 14-Jan-14 11:12:23

to be honest I dont cope with it , I just live/exist with it hoping the next today would be better.

its awful that feeling of not knowing where to start or how to make things better, I cant cope in groups of people - group of school mums makes me shudder. I cant make friends cos im just so dull and don't have any interest. there'd be nothing to talk about!

I cant face spending time with my kids and I have no I idea why? I just always want to be by myself, even socialising with my own kids is hard - but at the same time get upset at how isolated I feel! its a big circle as you say. and so much guilt.

I hope you over come this soon as I know how it feels, x

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