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does having depression make you very self pitying?

(17 Posts)
ssd Wed 08-Jan-14 08:08:14

can I ask anyone who has suffered from depression, does having this make you very "poor me" all the time? are you aware of your depression or does it happen without you realising?
thanks for any answers here.

silkknickers Wed 08-Jan-14 08:11:22

my experience of depression was not so much 'ppor me' as 'horrible me'. I think depression makes you feel worthless and full of self-loathing. well, it did in my case
hth

Geckos48 Wed 08-Jan-14 08:12:47

Depends on the depression and on the person.

ssd Wed 08-Jan-14 08:14:03

yes the self loathing rings a bell

MorrisZapp Wed 08-Jan-14 08:14:20

Varies very much from person to person. Are you trying to diagnose somebody?

LastingLight Wed 08-Jan-14 08:14:38

I agree with silkknickers, it makes me feel I'm horrible rather self-pitying. I'm quite good at monitoring my mood and know when I'm getting depressed.

wetwetwetfan Wed 08-Jan-14 10:31:34

I was not aware that i was depressed. i thought i was stressed, moody, and crap at everything. I knew that i wasn't right... that i was moody and miserable when i had no reason to be, couldn't shake the low/bad feeling, very often wanted to be alone and didn't want to receive or give any affection... but because it wasn't constant (i still had good days when i felt normal) i honestly believed that i was just a rubbish worthless person. My dh noticed changes in me (but obv he's not a doctor so he didn't realise it was depression) my teenage kids regularly asked why i was miserable/ what was wrong. I could never explain what was wrong so just said 'nothing's wrong'. I guess this could have come across as me feeling a bit sorry for myself but i didn't feel that way.

Cbeebijeebies Wed 08-Jan-14 11:08:30

I didn't think 'poor me' either. I just couldn't not think about how shit I thought I was at everything/life etc & how bad I felt. It tinged everything really. It makes you more inward facing which often comes across as self-absorbed/selfish to others. I felt helpless to that thought pattern at the time though, even though I was aware it rubbed some people up the wrong way. I mostly just kept it to myself so it wasn't too obvious! not a healthy approach but I know better now

Cbeebijeebies Wed 08-Jan-14 11:09:05

I used to know it was getting worse when I stopped noticing what was going on around me with DS/DP.

HowlingTrap Wed 08-Jan-14 11:16:54

Its well known depression can make you very self absorbed, I always try to make sure I don't to ppl around me but you never know how you appear to others.

I have a mate who suffers from depressive disorder has recently become increasingly self absorbed, I get long whiny messages about the same thing over but not asking how I am, its a bit draining tbh.

I have depression myself I'm not being callous.

working9while5 Wed 08-Jan-14 14:11:26

My sister is going through this right now.

She's about to give up a dream college course because she won't consider reducing her hours at work temporarily to finish it. She only works 9 - 2.30 and would have two nights a week at college but she is incessantly ruminating on how stressful it will be and how hard everything is in her life and how nothing ever works out for her etc. She was offered 9 - 1 to help her complete and a short reduction in pay. She talks incessantly about how she can't afford this but she has no outgoings other than a car loan and earns about 35k. She is getting best marks in her year and has onlh six months to go.

She genuinely feels trapped and that everything is falling apart/circumstances are conspiring against her but of course if she weren't depressed she could see that her terrible circs are not really terrible at all. From outside I just want to shout at her to cop on and get a grip though I know really it is the depression so I never would in a million years.

I know I lost good friendships when depressed for similarly self-absorbed self-pitying thinking where I insensitively blathered on about my own ruminations and concerns and made no space for others.

It buggers up your awareness of other's needs. My sister fails to see that endlessly talking about the same thing over and over as a massive catastrophe when I have half the money she has and am much more financially extended/very little free time means I interpret her concerns very differently etc.

The worst is when people start comparing eg the death of their budgie to the death of a parent in a 'at least you knew your dad was sick' way... I have seen this happen!

Just remember it's not a choice and not usually a lpng-term personality thing!

ssd Wed 08-Jan-14 17:04:46

thanks, these answers are really helpful.

Iwasinamandbunit Fri 10-Jan-14 09:50:36

I don't think I have ever been self pitying but I have certainly had self loathing and utter hatred for myself. This in itself means I was self absorbed but it is only in moments like this when I am quite well I realise it. At the time you do not have a clue.

My diagnosis is not depression though, however it is mixed in with depression if that makes sense.

StraightLineOfResignation Fri 10-Jan-14 09:58:45

Working thats a really good post, summed it up better than me.

ashamedoverthinker Sun 12-Jan-14 16:50:18

I felt both, small stuff would happen and take it personally.

Self pity as an emotion can serve a purpose as it can be to get sympathy from others, it is also healthy as it acknowledges you are hurt or a victim which is not helpful in adverse situations to cope if dwelled on, should be transitionary state of mind.

I suppose I do get caught up in being stuck in poor me sometimes.

HereIsMee Sun 12-Jan-14 17:15:54

My experience was just feeling hopeless initially but when I'm around people it is harder because people don't always understand what is happening. I've experienced depression at different times and have a good idea of when I need a rest or medication or to seek support. However it's not a visible thing so having to deal with people while being low in energy can manifest in many ways. I tend to have polite non-engaged conversations or if it's really bad avoid them all together. It's frustrating when people try to fix minor problems that I mention in polite conversations as it's not really the problem it is usually me wasting energy to placate them for what ever reason.

I really get frustrated when people assume it's self absorbing to be ill and unable to engage normally. I tend to feel self pity when I'm not depressed and over trivial things because I can. I think you need a fairly healthy self esteem to start feeling sorry for your self because if you are very depressed nothing matters you can talk yourself in tunnels but nothing really matters at that point.

HereIsMee Sun 12-Jan-14 17:19:43

Oh yes and I agree about the self loathing but it's not a superficial thing it's just a general frustration with myself for no reason.

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