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Is there anyone around? - possibly triggering

(25 Posts)
GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 01:51:51

Firstly, I'm sorry if this upsets anyone - this might be triggering to some people I guess.

I have a long history with depression, although I was signed off by the mental health team about two years ago, and I am no longer on anti-depressants.

Over the last few days I've been feeling very low and upset, and stressed although I'm not sure why. I'm staying with my parents and I don't really have any privacy or anyone to talk to. The long an short of it is that over the last few days I've become increasingly suicidal, to the point that I'm now planning different ways of doing it.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I just wanted to get my feelings down on (e-) paper to see if I felt any better. I don't really know what to do.

Thanks for reading this.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 01:55:46

I'm here.

Is there anything you wish to talk about?

Do you think you are in danger of doing something to yourself tonight? If so you might be best ringing for help.

I am here though if you want to talk something's over

Lairyfights Sun 05-Jan-14 01:56:22

I am here. Try and open a window, it may seem silly but I always found fresh air helped me when I was having suicidal thoughts.

Do you want to talk about what is making you suicidal? Just keep posting. I'll talk about whatever you want.

Your life is worth something. You can get through this. In the morning go straight to your doctors.

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 01:59:48

Oh SP you're always so nice, thanks for replying.

I don't know who to call or what they'd do. Everything seems so hopeless at the moment. I'm studying but I'm really bad at it and I'm just wasting my time and money.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:01:46

What are you studying?

Can you ring the mental health team that you had before?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 02:06:12

I'm studying modern languages. I have to move out of the UK next year, which is terrifying me. I can't believe I was so stupid to pick the one degree that requires that - I really rely on being able to go home sometimes.

I was told that they won't deal with me any more - I've moved primary care trusts, or whatever they're called, and I haven't had any contact with the other mental health teams.

Thanks Lairy - I think I will be definitely going to a doctor.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:10:49

You must still be able to contact them for help or at least advice.

Nothing stupid about the degree you have picked.

A call to your doctors if you feel you are sage to wait til then. If not then mental health unit. There are also help lines but the names I forget.

If you let me know where you are I could find a number for you?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 02:16:15

I googled my trust and found some numbers I think I can call - I'm just worried about being overheard or wasting their time.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:19:53

Never wasting their time. Its what they are there for.

Your parents still up? Will they hear if you are in a different room with door shut?

Do you not want to speak to your parents about it? Could they not help?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 02:24:25

We have the worst doors - they're bits of planks nailed together in a sort of door shape (I'm only half joking)

They are also very bad at dealing with this kind of thing - I was taken to hospital with this a few years ago and they were both livid, thinking about what the neighbours would think. Thinking about it, I should probably get over to the stately homes thread in the morning.

I know I'm making excuses not to change anything - I hate it when posters do that and I'm annoying myself.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:26:50

Don't worry about making excuses. We all do it but soon enough you realise you just have to do it.

I understand why you wouldn't want parents knowing then if that's the cause. Is there anyone nearby you can visit in the morning?

Tikkamasala Sun 05-Jan-14 02:27:56

thanks for you. I don't know you but you are worth something and people care about you. Fwiw I did modern languages and knew various people who either got away without a year abroad or shortened it for various reasons, including mental health. So there may be some leeway if you need it. Which languages do you study?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 02:34:02

I study German and a few others, which are a rare combination and really identifying) On one hand I really want to do it, because it would be so amazing, and on the other hand I just can't see myself managing to do it. Which did you do?

I hope I'll at least be able to get out of the house tomorrow. I have to walk a long way to make a phone call (rural area, no phone signal) but I should at least be able to talk in privacy.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:36:06

Do you think you are in any danger of doing anything tonight? If so you need to speak to someone asap

it sounds amazing tbh. How long are you away for?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 02:42:01

I realised when I typed it that it sounds like the sound of music, and it is an absolutely wonderful area. My parents recently relocated here, and it's been a bit of a holiday really, going to the (freezing) beach.

I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. I'm glad on one side because I'll be seeing the rest of my family and the people I know, but at the same time it can be very lonely.

I've been having a bit of a cry, and I feel less like I'm an immediate danger to myself. This has shown me I really do need to talk to a doctor or the mental health team quickly though.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 02:56:58

Talking to someone will help. Professional advice is better than advice from a Tapped Out addict grin

Cry away, sometimes everyone just needs a good cry

giraffesCantSledge Sun 05-Jan-14 03:00:01
MissBurrows Sun 05-Jan-14 03:13:45

Always here should you need a chat. Old hand with the depression thing.
You can always message me if you need anything. xxx thanks

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 10:16:59

I've just got back from the hospital - internet conveniently went down so I called 111 and they decided it was best I went in.

I've got the startings of support from the crisis team today, and a gp appointment in the week to talk about medication.

Thank you all so much for being here last night, I'm incredibly grateful thanks

ashamedoverthinker Sun 05-Jan-14 10:55:36

Thats fantastic news gary im pleased you reached out and are going to get the help you need. All positive steps well done.

SilverStars Sun 05-Jan-14 11:06:31

And if you are at Uni you should have access to Uni counselling services and Uni mental health support services so worth finding out about those.

SPsFifthConyoIsTheBestConyo Sun 05-Jan-14 14:48:08

Just seen the update. Well dome for taking that step.

Hope all goes well flowers

SilverStars Sun 05-Jan-14 18:31:04

Have the crisis team being able to help today?

GaryTheTankEngine Sun 05-Jan-14 22:04:38

The crisis team are coming in the morning - I didn't sleep last night much as I don't know if I will tonight, but hopefully they will help me sort something out.

I really appreciate all the replies on here - it has been incredibly helpful knowing that there are people here for me.

ashamedoverthinker Sun 05-Jan-14 22:11:00

There is always a night owls thread if you want to just chat to pass time away. smile

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