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no hope anymore, fallen off my tablets again but I've had enough now

(83 Posts)
TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:27:44

there is no light at the end of the fucking tunnel

I'm just so tired and in pain

I'm sitting in a bombsite eating tinned mac and cheese and just trying to get to friday pick up time

literally just get the kids to school, sleep, eat, ignore everything

then I need to make xmas happen

everything is so much effort and makes my head hurt

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:32:52

now I'm having stupid thoughts that everyone on mn has colluded to ensure they all ignore me

I am struggling

Queenofknickers Wed 18-Dec-13 13:36:03

I promise we aren't doing that!!! That's the illness talking ((((hugs)))). I'm here - I've been sent to bed on tranquilliser by my psychiatrist so I can hold your hand xxxxxxxxx

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:37:23

Oh Trin sad thanks

When did you stop your meds? Can you re-start? Or if not, talk to someone about why you came off them?

You've had a terrible time of it, far more than anyone should reasonably be expected to cope with. Is there anyone in RL supporting you practically and emotionally right now? Can you talk to them?

Sorry for being a bit shit. Good idea on the mac & cheese by the way, it's grim but carbs are weirdly good. Who cares if it's out of a can, it's food.

Queenofknickers Wed 18-Dec-13 13:38:03

Have you got a GP you could call? I walked into my GP practise day before yesterday because I felt like you do - I didn't move until I saw a Dr. He was fab. The tablets are really really important - do you have any to start taking again? thanks

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:38:24

Nooooooo! I am not ignoring you! Just on phone and my less-than-delicate fingers are frustratingly slow on the tiny keyboard.

tumbletumble Wed 18-Dec-13 13:38:39

Hi Trinity

Sorry I don't know much about depression. I'll hold your hand until someone more useful comes along.

MigGril Wed 18-Dec-13 13:40:40

No conspiracy, I'm hear just hand holding though as I've never been that bad.
Hopefully some other lively mn well be along soon with words of wisdom.

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:41:01

Trinity, you there love?

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:41:59

thanks both of you

sorry to hear you're struggling queen

I've taken my tabs today

I've fallen off them by being spectacularly forgetful and then when I start feeling like I don't want to do anything at all and I feel dreadful I suddenly realise I haven't taken them for the last couple of weeks or so

I do it regularly, it sucks

my head of full of snot
my joints are flaring
I'm wobbling about xmas with just me and the girls for the first time...again
I'm so so so fucking tired
everything aches

my best mate has just lost her mum so I'm trying to help her rather than the other way round

I haven't been to see her today, I just don't want to do anything
I feel bad about not being able to help her enough

I haven't wrapped all the presents or cleaned the house

I just want to go to bed and stay there

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:42:52

oops sorry, thank you all of you

you're very kind

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:45:20

I dont want to go into my kitchen cause it got a sticky 'wet patches' floor and I hate standing in wet or makny patches

any normal person would get off their arse and fucking clean it

but to clean it I would have to tidy first

its a huge task, I see no beginning, I'm hiding from it

I stood on a towel to use the microwave for the tinned mac and cheese

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:50:54

Oh, Trin (((((hugs)))))

So, can you break it down into manageable chunks? The way that everything seems so overwhelming when you put it all together, but then look at smaller bits in isolation and it's actually ok?

Like, firstly, setting alarms/reminders in your phone to take your tablets? I have to do that with any kind of medication as I'm so forgetful, it happens to a lot of us.

Then, maybe think about 1 thing today that you want to accomplish? Doesn't have to be big. Maybe clean the kitchen sink. Or stick some bleach down the loo. Little things. But stuff that's tangible.

I think your mate can forgive you for one day off supporting her. She knows you well, and what you've been through.

Hope that advice was reasonably sensible, will feel terrible if I've been a twat and given you completely awful suggestions.

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 18-Dec-13 13:51:38

((((Hugs))))) trin

I'm not surprised you are feeling like this, life has thrown a lot at you.

Sometimes it's just overwhelming.

Can you break it down into tiny steps, rather than looking at the whole huge picture?

Also can you set an alarm on your phone to remind you for take the tablets?

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:52:27

Damn, I have to go out now sad. Will be back when I'm not at the mercy of London underground.

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:53:10

an alarm for my tablets!

how can I have been so stupid
I put every single little appointment, meeting, phone call that needs doing, stuff thats needed for school etc in to my phone with an alarm and reminders becasue I have zero memory

why have I not thought about doing it for my tablets?

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 18-Dec-13 13:53:26

Spectacular x posts with scrambled grin

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:54:48

You're categorically NOT stupid. Forgetful. It's human nature, especially when we have so much going on in our lives.

Too many balls in the air, you'd have to be superhuman not to drop one or two.

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:55:24

ok alarm set for tablets, thank you

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 13:55:39

Yay! Feeling validated because Tantrums gave the same advice I did!

<relieved>

Queenofknickers Wed 18-Dec-13 13:55:43

It's good you've taken your tablets. Maybe going to bed for a couple of hours is what you need - I was fighting this feeling until my psychiatrist yesterday told me to do exactly that! Ignore messy house - take it back to basics one day at a time ie.Have you got food for you and your girls for today? If so that's good. All else can wait. Your friend will be fine - you need support too. Give yourself a break and feel the massive hugs coming at you from all of us xxxxx

bluebell234 Wed 18-Dec-13 13:56:32

I hope you will feel better soon sad
I recently learnt that Vit D deficiency causes depression and tiredness, pains, etc.
I don't know exactly which Vit D, maybe D3.
checking with a blood test may help.

It's a really good idea about the alarm for tablets...I do it! smile
Perhaps wrt the house you could do one room a day? Then it's not such a massive prospect?
I've been doing that (am post op ATM) and it's much easier to think "today/this morning I will do the bathroom" than "I need to clean the whole house from top to bottom".
Wrt wrapping...I use gift bags, or just tissue paper. I am NOT good at wrapping and find it very stressful.
I'm sorry you are feeling so shit.
X

nevergoogle Wed 18-Dec-13 14:00:42

hi Trin,
There is hope, you just need to get back on the meds and be kinder to yourself.
I too am off my anti-depressants at the moment due to pregnancy, and they really do make such a difference to how resilient you/I feel.

In the meantime, pick one thing to do today other than the usual pickup/dinner/bed routine. That sticky patch is calling your name.

nevergoogle Wed 18-Dec-13 14:01:32

oh, and if it helps, you're not the only one who's not good at remembering medication...this is how I find myself pregnant.

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