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DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

(213 Posts)
Katiejon Wed 20-Nov-13 16:37:39

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 08:42:32

Hi Katie, hope you are feeling ok today and continuing to get stronger physically and feel ok in yourself.

I understand the need to vent just a little about ap. they are not at an age where they see what's needing doing and that can be very annoying when you are yourself feeling run ragged!! Just remember to keep politely explaining what's needed and then leave the cleaner to do the proper cleaning. Ap definitely needs understanding and a holiday though and you can hire temporary help or get cleaner in more if needed for the time she is away.

I think a lot of people on here will be jealous of the amount of help you have and that's reflected in their responses. If help of that kind is beyond their means/they don't have much practical family support they may feel grumpy reading about the fact that you have the financial ability to get a hand and then are still (understandably) feeling overwhelmed sometimes.

You may want to ask MNHQ to move this whole thread to mental health, because I think you would get much more supportive responses and good support with your Pnd. If you report your own op, they will move it for you.

SolomanDaisy Fri 06-Dec-13 08:46:09

LIZS it wasn't your post I was commenting on, it was the post directly above mine.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 09:21:45

Have asked for thread to be moved to mental health.
Please do not follow if u r going to post negative comments - they may have a bad effect on a vulnerable person, not me, I ignore the negative ones!

Strix Fri 06-Dec-13 11:39:30

I am going to start that au pair thread on your behalf, katiejon. I hope you don't mind.

Although, I do think an au pair these days is an employee and not just an additional member of the household. They need set hours, set duties, and set pay in return for their work. Without these things it is difficult for either you or she/he to know what you have bothe signed up to.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Dec-13 11:43:03


We're going to move this thread into mental health.

We're wishing you all the best, Katiejon. thanks

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 13:40:37

Just thought it may be helpful (hope this is ok Katie) to summarise the thread, now it has been moved into MH by MNHQ.

Katie has been dx with Pnd and is taking Prozac. She also had spd and a recent c section and has been really struggling with sleep as well as physical recovery.

Katie gets some help from her dm, but her DH works long hours (he is a dr iirc). She has had a nanny in to help her as she hasn't felt able to cope alone, especially at night.

Although she has an ap, the ap isn't very self-starting and Katie has struggled to being up to manage her.

Any tips from anyone on here about dealing Pnd would probably be very helpful for Katie. I know this is a very supportive board, which is why I suggested she move her thread here.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:16:52

Waiting and Peter, v kind of u.
Not sure if depressed, more exhausted!

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:23:17

Nanny on a Saturday only when dh working.
Dh booked himself to work on 3 Saturday's without telling or discussing with me.
I found out 3 days before csection, had to come home and start finding someone to help me.
Dh opposed nanny, saying inexperienced ap could do it.
Dh not doing extra work in order to put food on table.
Also had missed miscarriage oct 2012 (after seeing hb at 8 weeks). 9 weeks light bleeding.
2 x medical management and then erpc to clear lining.
The lochia now reminds me of the prolonged bleeding.

Katiejon Fri 06-Dec-13 14:24:23

I have not had nanny overnite, although I think I have found someone now.

Messupmum Fri 06-Dec-13 14:27:31

I wish I had all that support over the past four years struggling as a single mum with depression, anxiety and bpd, as well as starting off in a one bedroom top floor flat! I don't know where people have got the diagnosis of severe mental illness, yes op has a psych who's there to prescribe meds, but the hallucinations were five years ago with her dd? I may have got that wrong, sorry if I have. I have also hallucinated in the past year but was told it was due to sleep deprivation and meds, and they weren't too worried.

I'm sorry op is struggling and in physical pain, that doesn't help with the tearfulness and sleep. And I know anyone, no matter how wealthy, single or married, or mums with one or four kids, can be mentally unwell, but what I'm finding hard to sympathise with is the support op has. Not many mums can afford childcare, and have no choice but to clean and cook. I hope you have a good chat with your psych, op, take ads and use the support and appreciate it. Over time the physical pain will improve, and hopefully things will get easier.

WaitingForPeterWimsey Fri 06-Dec-13 14:59:05

Messup, I am so very sorry about your Pnd.

I think what we all need to try to remember is that it doesn't matter how many material advantages and help people have, they can still need help and feel they are struggling. Princess Diana allegedly had an ED and depression iirc and she must have been one of the best supported mothers in the world financially/practically. Money/help don't alter what is going on in our heads.

Katie, I know I proposed moving the existing thread, but I would actually suggest you delete this thread now, name change and start a new thread in mh for support specifically with Pnd. It is very difficult for people to look beyond what they will see as your advantages. Some of us do understand. Sending you all very best wishes.

passerby123 Fri 06-Dec-13 15:20:06

There is a separate discussion forum on MN about pnd under Becoming parent/Antenatal-postnatal depression.

HoopHopes Fri 06-Dec-13 19:08:00

Hi, having a young baby is exhausting and I can totally empathise about lack of sleep, previous stressful events and recovery from a c section. I found when I was 8 weeks post c section I was physically more able to do things ( without pain that is!!) so hopefully as each week goes by you will recover.

Lack if sleep is torture!! It does get better, honest - so hope you can hold onto that hope. And I do not think day's really understand what it is like, so try not to get so wound up if you can about your dh working, as they do not know what major surgery/childbirth/breastfeeding is like!

Recovery from pnd - medication helps, getting as much sleep as possible ( so yes, nanny, cleaner, family - if you got it, use it!!!)

Best advice is to speak to your HV - tell her about your symptoms, the help you think you need. They have post natal support groups for pnd they can put you in touch with. You can ask her to refer you to the peri natal mental health team who can assess you ( but it you already have a psychiatrist you would not receive treatment under 2 psych's). Also they can put you into group sessions to help you bond with your child as people with pnd do sometimes struggle with that. Children centres have support workers for mums with mental health issues or mums who are struggling with parenting, so you can request a support form if you think they could support you in parenting whilst suffering with pnd. So support there for people with pnd. Once a child is 18 months old there is much less support, as it is not in the post natal period and much less funding for adult mental health care so best to seek the support in these first few months.

If you want to go private then find a counsellor specialising in pnd is best.

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