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Help!!! How do I help my 11yo who self harms!

(15 Posts)
AngryBuddha Tue 19-Nov-13 11:08:07

Thanks Valia thought this may be the case.

ValiaH Tue 19-Nov-13 09:32:16

You may find he gets distraught about the 'why' questions because he may not know why he does it, or feel that he has a 'good enough' reason. It's often a coping mechanism, much like we might have a glass of wine/ bar of chocolate after a stressful day, rather than an 'I want to hurt myself', and so the reasons aren't always that clear cut.

Glad you're feeling more in control, definitely keep fighting for the support for your son and for yourself.

AngryBuddha Mon 18-Nov-13 14:00:41

TheSinisterTrifle Thank you, I have discussed this with my son and hopefully he will use this when it gets to much.

I banging my head with the school!! But will be be like a dog with a bone. They seem so unhelpful.
Doctor appointment Wednesday, hopefully get somewhere with them.

I am able to keep the lines communication open about the SH with him which is good but when I try to discuss why he does it, he becomes very distraught!

Thank you all again for your help!!!

Last week I was feeling out of my depth, this week a bit more in control, even though it looks like I am going to have to fight to get support from others!

ValiaH Sun 17-Nov-13 10:31:01

Hope the book helps, AngryBuddha. I think you can email the charity for advice as well. Have you got support for yourself from family/ friends while you and your son go through this? It's not an easy situation for anyone involved.

NanaNina Fri 15-Nov-13 00:58:07

So sorry that you are going through this - self harming from the age of 7 is so sad. Have you any idea what is behind this behaviour in your son. CAMHS in my opinion are not a lot of good though in fairness I suppose that depends on who you actually get, but they are the old Child Guidance people and they only liked the easy cases.

Have a horrible feeling that if you can't get CAMHS there won't be anything else available, unless the LA have clinical psychologists working for them, otherwise it would mean paying for something like play therapy (I know that sounds a bit young for an 11 year old) but he is far too young to be able to make any sense of any formal kind of counselling.

TheSinisterTrifle Fri 15-Nov-13 00:25:23

This might be the most stupid and ignorant post ever so please disregard it if you wish and please all professionals feel free tell me to shut up and delete this post

I worked in a school with a couple of self harmers (cutting) and one piece of advice was to give them a handful of ice cubes to hold until they melt. The pain and release was the same 'feeling' but with none of the cutting/scars etc

HoopHopes Fri 15-Nov-13 00:23:20

I just suggested a CAF because you have not been successful in getting any support. A CAF is a way of getting all agencies involved together and information together with one person in charge and actions noted!! Parents get an input and child's views can be included. Maybe just asking for one will get you some treatment!! The aim is to identify additional needs that are not being met and to provide support to meet them. Often people think of CAF's in terms of social care but they are used in educational and physical and mental health settings also.

So it is a standardised tool to conduct an assessment of a child's needs and helps practitioners decide how those needs are met. So ask your go for a referral to CAMHS and insist on a CAF by them? Or ask school nurse to set one up? Failing that you can self refer to children's social care and tell them you are seeking help for your son and would like their support to ensure his needs are identified and met. Whatever approach you finds suits you best or works.

The best part of a CAF is allows different agencies working with one person to have a joined up approach - so school counsellor to be supporting work from CAMHS, school involvement etc.

antimatter Fri 15-Nov-13 00:18:21

someone on another thread recommended Priory for young people:
http://www.priorygroup.com/self-harm-help_d1s5

they take NHS referrals

I can't find that thread sad

AngryBuddha Fri 15-Nov-13 00:05:15

Thank you HoopHopes

Who do I ask for a CAF meeting?

HoopHopes Thu 14-Nov-13 22:21:03

I would ask the school or the GP to make a referral (again!) to CAMHS. You can request a CAF meeting , which you can be present at. This meeting should hopefully (as it is a legal meeting and has the chance for different people to meet together and give input) ensure that CAMHS do not discharge your son without proper assessment and treatment.

Could you ask the school nurse to contact you whilst the counsellor is unavailable and ask her to support your referral to CAMHS.

If you ask your Gp to refer your son to a psychiatrist for evaluation they have to see him within 18 weeks, which is also something you have the right to ask. This may help get him put under support of CAMHS.

AngryBuddha Thu 14-Nov-13 14:13:13

Thank you. School has advised me to go back to the GP. Earliest appointment is next Wednesday. Need to be a pushy mum, as this didn't work last time.
Have ordered the book, thank you ValiaH. Have had a quick look at the website, will try have a proper look later!

MaryShelley Thu 14-Nov-13 10:57:59

I think this sounds like too big an issue for non specialists like a form tutor to deal with. Think you need to go back to GP and push for more specialist help

ValiaH Thu 14-Nov-13 10:52:57

www.selfharm.co.uk is a good charity to look at, they have lots of advice on there.

Self harm, the path to recovery by Dr Kate Middleton is also a good read.

I'm sorry you and he are going through this, it's such a difficult issue to face

AngryBuddha Thu 14-Nov-13 10:38:48

Argh!!
Just had a call from the school. councillor is on holiday for 3 wks. Head to busy to talk to me today. Will the new form tutor do?

AngryBuddha Thu 14-Nov-13 10:37:34

My 11yo has been self harming for 4 yrs on and off (before then he use to make himself sick). Mainly cuts, we tried to get help via doctor to CAHM but due to funding, we only got to see them last year (after he started hanging himself) and they signed us off after our first visit. Leaving us to dealing with the school counsellor, who he sees irregularly. He does not like to talk, so not sure if this helps. He has been ok for about 6 months, but at the beginning of the week we noticed cuts again. We have tried talking about it, but he shuts down and get upset. His counsellor is not in school this week, so today I have let him off, as I can see he is getting very down. I am waiting a call back from the head.

Can anyone please give me advice on how best I can help him.
Or recommend any good books, to help me understand, and therefore be able to support him into healthier ways to expressed himself.
Or even a book that is suitable for him!

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