Kelly21, if you feel as bad as you describe you will need to rely on someone for some support or you wont find it easy to have the 'normality' you want imho. Be it your mum, friend or even a gp? You will need to talk about how you are feeling and discuss a plan of action to make you feel more secure I think. Good luck x
I am really sorry for the way you're feeling OP. I am not sure what advice as such I can give but didn't want to read and run. Do you have a partner who can provide emotional support? Do you have any triggers for your feelings?
just dont know what to do i am sitting upstairs crying while my amazing well behaved 3 year old is down stairs why do i struggle so much i love her but dont want to be a mum i am dreading after christmas when i will have 2 doctors cant help medication or talking dosnt help my life is such a mess