Relapse. What do you do?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Not sure what to do.

Just sort of bumbling along. I'm on ADs and take a beta blocker for anxiety too and it's been helping (along with being in hospital for a bit). I realized that isolation was a key factor in why I got ill etc but have been jobhunting for a few weeks and just feel overwhelmed. I'm so lonely all day & sick of my own company. I live in a 1 bed bungalow with DS and am looking for somewhere to rent privately so we have more room but no one will accept housing benefit, especially as i'm jobless atm.

It just feels like too much and all the progress i've made has started coming undone. DS isn't sleeping well either and I can just feel myself getting 'numb' again and not caring/wanting to do anything. I've been discharged from the crisis team as I was doing better so not sure it warrants calling them, until it's worse anyway. I don't really know who to contact. I could go back to my GP I guess on Monday and tell them this but i'm not sure what they can do.

I keep having intrusive thoughts about having a 'window of opportunity' when DS's dad has him tomorrow night which I've not had the urge to do/thought about much since leaving hospital.

[wontletmesignin]

I would advise you to call the crisis team. Even if just for advice on what you should do.

The progress you have made, you should be proud of.
Even if you do feel yourself dipping again. That is ok.
You wouldnt be making progress if there wasnt a problem to begin with.

Dont put so much pressure on yourself.
To make progress you need to keep going forward.
Remind yourself that when you are dipping, this is why you are making an effort to progress as far as you have. Do not allow this little dip (which is perfectly normal and acceptable) knock you back. Just focus again now on making further progress.

If that means asking for outside help, then so be it.

Hope you are feeling better soon

[TheOrchardKeeper]

When they discharged me it was with the promise of follow up therapy and it's taking weeks to get sorted. I don't feel like medication alone can make it better.

I'm just worried as this is how I felt about a week before I OD'd and was admitted & I don't want it to get to that point but I can't work out if I should wait and see or not. I don't feel I can judge it properly because everything looks skewed anyway. I don't know.

[wontletmesignin]

As for the lonliness you are feeling - are there no hobbies or interests you could take up on?
I have found forums of my parricular interest can help me when i am feeling lonely.
So sometimes you dont even need to leave your house

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Thank you.

I think I will call. Just so it's not all going on inside my head. It's exhausting.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I like drawing so do that but am housbound with DS most of the time as he's only 3 and i'm an LP. His dad has him one night a fortnight which is when I usually go out and do something.

[wontletmesignin]

If you are unsure and yoy are worried. Then contact somebody to help you along the way while you wait.

I can see that you feel you need extra support, and i am sure there would be plenty for you.
Start with the crisis team since they were the last you werw with.

I know how hard it is when waiting for what feels like desperately needed therapy, and it cant seem to come soon enough. It just takes time for them. A lot more needs to be put in to the mental health services. Unfortunately, those in need are just made to wait at the minute. At times, waiting seems to be an impossible expectation.

But tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully you can get yourself into a more positive outlook.
Take yourself foe a walk around a nice green area. A park witb lots of trees, maybe.
That helps me. I have found meditation does also.
Simple breathkng exercises.
Sometimes, a simple case of staring at a lit candle is enough to relax the mind and help you kick start again, if that makes sense.

Excuse typos please. Im on my phone

[wontletmesignin]

I jabe 4 dc, so i know where you are coming from with that.
It is hadd work, and very demanding. Especially 3 year olds. My youngest is 3.

Dont put so much pressure on yourself. If you want to get better, then you will get better. You just need to learn to be patient with yourself :-)

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Thanks. It does feel ridiculous. Especially when they know a lot of the daily pressures are what made me so ill so fast (I went from a being a bit anxious all summer to suicidal in 2 weeks). Isolation is the worst one.

I've lit a candle, had a bath, tried to read and done a few other things I try when I'm on edge but it's not really woking today. Nevermind. Thank you for the suggestions.

[wontletmesignin]

If the ADs are still getting into your system, remember they can cause suicidal thoughts. If you do feel like this at whatever time. Take yourself to A&E

You are welcome. If you ever need to talk to anyone you could always send me a message.
I have been through what you are currently going through, so dont feel like you are alone. Because you arent

[TheOrchardKeeper]

I'm scared of how i'll feel once DS is picked up tomorrow. I think i'll feel much more suicidal, because he'll be safe and i'll be home alone for the day/night. I'm pretty scared about it tbh.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

And thank you. It means so much to at least be able to get it out somewhere. Sorry you've experienced it too though. I'm thinking of calling the samaratans first. They'e helped me calm down in the past.

[wontletmesignin]

Well you must express your concerns asap.
Remember though, your ds loves you very much. I know you love him very much also.
Please dont allow yourself have a repeat occurence. For your sake and your sons.

You are loved, needed and wanted. Whatever you feel now could be the opposite in a week. You may look back and wonder what on earth you were thinking.

Please have a little patience with yourself to get better. If not for you, then for your ds xxx

[wontletmesignin]

It was hard for me at that time. I felt lost, confused and trapped. I felt there was no where to turn. I felt i wss left with no other option.

Now, after all my negative experiences - i have learned something from them all and replaced them with positives.

Had i not been patient with myself, i may never have made it to this point. I am now thankful for all those hard times, because they made me who i am today.

You too can get to that point. Wouldnt you like that? ...just have patience :-)

[onlysettleforbutterflies]

Op please call the samaritans and or the crisis team. Is there any family or friends you can spend time with whilst your ds is away tomorrow?

Well done for recognising how you are feeling, its a big step.

[wontletmesignin]

Yes, I agree on the samaritans. They are very helpful. Be strong OP and believe in yourself xx

[ColouringInQueen]

orchard if you start to have those thoughts once your ds is picked up then please do ring the Samaritans and anything else that will keep you safe while he's away. Hang in there.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

The samaratans lady was a bit rubbish...

Tried crisis team. They gave advice about taking it a day at a time & said to call back any time if the situation changes.

I just can't do many more days feeling like this, waiting for therapy. Should try sleep though I guess.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Hopefully I'll sleep alright & it'll seem better in the morning but i'm doubting it atm. It all feels like fobbing off really.

[wontletmesignin]

You are strong enough to deal with this on your own. Your thoughts and depression are making you believe that you are not.
It is important to remind yourself of your strengths, and use them.

You can get through this rough patch, because that is all it is. A rough patch.
Once its over you will come out the other end bigger, better and stronger.

Do not stop believing in yourself. As hard as it may seem. One little positive thought about yourself can go a long way when you are feeling so low.
So allow positives to come in.

You have a wonderful son who loves you very much. There is one positive.
You are a mother. Two positives.
You are a good mother. Three positives.
You put your son first...four.

Stay strong xxxxx

[wontletmesignin]

Just try and do the things mentioned in this thread until you can speak to your gp, crisis team - in person.

You could always ask your gp, or crisis team if you could have a cpn until your treatment comes through. They might be able to do that if you explain your concerns xx

[wontletmesignin]

And dont forget how well you have done to get this far xx

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Thank you x

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Got 3hrs sleep in the end. Feeling a little less awful but still pretty bad. Will see how today goes.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(Still struggling with an urge to self harm this morning but hoping it'll fade. I couldn't hide it from DP and don't want my family/him to know i'm feeling this way unless they really have to).

[wontletmesignin]

Pleased to hear that you are feeling a little better. Maybe when your son goes today you could get your head down for a bit.
Dont forget that your partner could give you extra support if and when its needed. Im sure he would like to help.

Keep talking and stay strong xx