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Overeating battles

(137 Posts)
IWishYouWould Wed 06-Nov-13 14:09:01

Has anyone who uses overeating as a coping mechanism, overcome their issues? I'm trying to find other people who battle with this to start a support chat. I'm currently at my worst and I am gathering the courage to tackle my underlying causes. but where to start?

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:17:38

I'm slowly catching up with the posts.. 3asAbird, has your day improved after this morning? I hope your feeling better.

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:20:42

Twolittleboys, welcome to the thread. How has your weekend been? A lot of us have found we eat for the same reasons as yourself. Do you have any support in RL?

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:22:02

oopsadaisyme, how has your weekend gone? Are you feeling any more positive? thanks

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:23:46

Dontletthemgetyoudown and mashedpotatoehead, how are you both feeling today? Has this been a positive or harder weekend for you? thanks

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 22:57:55

Right so I suppose I should comment on my own weekend. It would be so easy to skip off, but I'm in a very bad phase so I need to work on it.

This week I have been feeling very much like I need to rush back to the doctors and get my meds back. I really had blamed the sleepy effect they had on me, for the rise in my binge eating. However I seem to be in the same place still. My weight gain has slowed down, which is a positive. I no longer need to have a nap to get through the day, so I'm moving more. But it's like I can't turn the switch off. With regards to my feelings, I'm constantly angry at the moment, the most pointless thing can set me into a rage. I don't show this but internally I feel ready to explode. I can't tell you why, I have no idea what has made me this angry.

Over the weekend I have eaten an obscene amount of food. Christmas has already become my excuse. the 'I'll deal with it in January' is such an easy box to put all my guilt into.

My little break through has been watching TV. I have seen a few emotional things this weekend. Each one has made me cry, not just in a little way but obviously letting out some pretty major upset I'm not consciously aware of. It has been a huge release for me. Far greater than I get when I eat. I still don't know if something has triggered this, but the emotions that have surfaced so far have been; the death of my granddad. He passed almost 4 years ago, but I don't remember grieving for him. I was dealing with a difficult pregnancy when he left us followed very quickly by a traumatic birth. So that is something for me to explore. I just truly can't understand how I can have so many emotions tucked away, that I can't be aware of what they are. My logical brain says that if there are so many, I must know what some of them are. But unless the tears are triggered I can't say.

I also found that lots of noise and demands from the kids were pushing me far more than normal. We don't often raise our voices or shout at them, but that has happened a lot this weekend. It makes me really sad that I haven't been able to compose myself and act as I normally would with them. This may not sound too drastic, as I haven't screamed or gone mad, but it's just not how I want our home to be. My mum had major anger issues when I was growing up and I felt insecure throughout my life when she was around. This is something that I refuse to do to my kids. I may not be able to make myself better over night, but I will do anything I can to make sure they are happy and know I'm always here for them. Another reason really for me to get this sorted. At present I'm putting myself at risk of a lot of health complications in the future. They need their mum here and healthy physically and mentally. Although I don't have the cure for my condition I do feel much stronger than I did when I started this thread. I know I'm not alone in my issues and feelings and there are resources out there for people like us who need the help. I just need to remember that I want to do this and I have the greatest motivations possible. They are currently peacefully asleep in their beds.

I was reminded by a friend today that this is a long journey and I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself to be better now. So I think perhaps I will set myself tasks for each week / month. Things I need to look at and think about, actions I could follow and emotions that need to be explored. I have started to write chapters for myself on each of my worries. This was a huge help. I left it for my DH to read whilst I was out. We don't need to talk about them or dissect what I have written. But my lovely man did point out where I may feel awful about myself, he sees me in a totally different way. He actually said he wishes I could see myself the way he does. It made me feel better knowing that a lot of what I feel is just in my own head. Actually I know that the anxiety, depression and low self esteem are most definitely in my head, but it certainly doesn't feel like it now...

IWishYouWould Sun 08-Dec-13 23:17:00

I was looking for some definitiosn and came across this. I found it interesting, but it alos gave me a sense of ;someone understands me' IYSWIM. I tick all of them.
It's from Here

Who are compulsive overeaters?

This affects men and women of all ages, unlike the other eating disorders which are heavily biased toward females. However, women are more likely to ask for help and this is probably because women are more concerned about the effects of overeating on their appearance.

Some common factors are interesting:
◾Most but not all begin to eat compulsively after a period of dieting
◾Most, but not all would describe themselves as kind
◾Most put others first and attend to the needs of other people and not themselves
◾Most, but not all have some difficulty knowing or expressing their needs
◾Many, but not all lack clarity about how they feel and cannot manage their feelings properly
◾Most, but not all have low self worth
◾Most , but not all need to be liked
◾Psychologically they are otherwise not different to people who eat normally except among those who are particularly overweight

Some of these observations are useful in helping the expert to treat the condition and help someone to regain an enjoyable relationship with food.

Hermione123 Mon 09-Dec-13 09:10:23

I have been doing better at trying to get on top of massive binge cycle that's been running since September, a few more minor binges this weekend, i aim to squeeze in some exercise this week..hold me accountable on that! .I'm trying to avoid booze as definitely a trigger. 3asabird, I often don't feel validated by dh (he insists this is all in my head), can you look at doing an activity for yourself that gets you in contact with others?

I reckon on the self worth point, a lot of us could do with self esteem boosting exercises/activities. I talk myself down a lot in my head I think it is warped self protection but it's more useful to try the opposite.

I've done well this weekend and not binged, but I was exceptionally busy and didn't have time to really think about food, so I was eating with the dc and eating the same as them. I know its linked to my feelings as I felt rather content this weekend, the dc were a dream, the Christmas shoppig is all but done, presents wrapped etc. DS1's match was brilliant and he was star player for school and his team, we walked the dogs and I had no contact with my partner (too old for a boyfriend), which is probably very telling.

Those factors are very interesting Iwishyouwould, they certainly ring a few bells here.

3asabird can you talk to dh? not necessarily re the binging/purging but how you feel in general? How in order to feel like you want to be affectionate with anyone you need to feel wanted and valued. I think for many men sex is a physical thing and they are turned in on different ways to women, lots of women need the build up to the deed and not just a few minutes of stroking and twiddling wink, I know this isn't the case for all men and vice versa. Hope today is better, a new week a new start and all that.

3asAbird Mon 09-Dec-13 13:18:02

Thanks for input guys,

Dontlet them get you down-well done ot binging and getting all shopping dome . yes you right sometimess need more than the physical.

.Hermione-sounds like you gaining some control over the cycle.

I wish you would-hope you have better week.
weekends when hubbys in work sometimes feel like too much mine are so noisy and messy.

any news on ed board? from mnhq.

well made the attempt to be be phycisallly attentive to his needs last night so hes happier now.

I was expecting a complete show down when he came back from work.

we had some cross words when dishing up dinner then i dident eat with them so he got moody about that.

I think he maybe sees and sometimes hears im unhappy but feels powereless to change it.

Hes stopped accusing me of an affair not sure if having an ed is better.

I think deep down he knows buts hes not pushing it like big elephant in the room and part of me relived but other part of me feels bit like drug addict.

I am being secrative
I am wanting to be alone a lot
im am a bit depressed, anxious and stressed.

So this week i pretend everythings normal.

My family are far away
rarly ee my few close freinds
have husband
breifly chat to some parents at school dont really have freinds there.
I cant face toddler grouups even tough been saying i would go since sept.

so its easy forme to live in my bittle bubble pretend no one to notice.

Today has been hectic 2separate school runs-actually made it school on time big achievement for me.

Been to look round yet another school for admissions for dd2
I liked the school but feel stressed speaking to mother of pfbs made me feel even more stessed.

I had time kill went coffee shop before vist and had choc brownie then felt guilty as didet know how many calories I like to know cal count everything and add them up.

Weighed myself at chemists a loss but no where near my target so not sure made me happy or sad, im not underweight for my height so target is within healthy range acording to scales as the range seems huge.

Once i have purged theres no thourgts it my head its like peace and empty calm mind for short amount time light floaty feeling. I dont really enjoy act being sick but its the way i feel after I did read that purging does not achieve calorie reductions whic is why bulimics normal or slightly overweight.

twolittle I realise that bingeing often has little or indeed nothing to do with hunger, but I think by controlling food during the day you are probably almost setting yourself up for a binge in the evening? If you haven't eaten properly all day then it is predictable that you are going to be ravenous by the end of it....

3asAbird Mon 09-Dec-13 21:56:25

watched hubby gorge himself on pizza like he did last monday where i had 2peices then went and threw up.

tonight i resisted and had cofee and ginger biscuit they my latest safe food obsession.

had small tea-last nights kiddy leftovers.

feel run down tonight been busy day.

not sure if what im doing is starting any damage.

some days feel so tired and dizzy.

got busy day tommorow so going to try get early night.

IWishYouWould Mon 09-Dec-13 22:14:54

3as, I'm sorry to hear that today hasn't been a good one again. It really does sound like you would benefit from some RL help. You mentioned feeling dizzy and tired, those sound like worrying signs. If you don't feel up to discussing how you are feeling with family or friends, perhaps you could contact an organisation instead?

IWishYouWould Mon 09-Dec-13 22:17:11

I haven't heard anything back from MNHQ yet regarding the new topic request.

Hermione123 Tue 10-Dec-13 09:53:28

Yes agree 3, I'm not sure you are getting enough good quality food, dizzy and tired isn't good at all, try and look after yourself, at least get an early night.

3asAbird Tue 10-Dec-13 19:12:43

thanks guys im ok today just last few weeks been too hectic with hubby working so much all down to me everyone else seems as hectic as xmas.

today had another school tour. small boys hospital appointment both city centre so stressful. made effort grab sandwich from boots as had driving lesson this afternoon.

made 2 meals tonight rissotto and chiken casserole hubby wanted neither hes eating reduced snack from co-op instead but least hes not nagging me eat tea tonight.

Can I ask random question?

Anyone finding december harder as feels like theres so many food adverts, bulk stacks s, cashier trying flog chocs at till.

popped into pound shop earlier for non food item and was surrounded by food.

Christmas seems like it all about food done few bits other week.

for most people xmas is valid reason to gorge and binge.

christmas night we go back see my family aunt does huge buffet thats worrying me a little.

Feel bit anxious people watching me eat.

trying to avoid having too may binge/naughty foods in the house.

trying to meal plan and think i over think food.

plan get early night as tired not sleeping properly but dont want to rely in sleeping pills every night as struggle next day.

Im eating 1 meal a day plus snacks and drinks.I do try and eat enough so that i can get through the day.

3as...you can't carry on this way. Severely restricting calories is a battle you will never win - its as silly as your right hand fighting your left. It is basic biology. If your body isn't getting the necessary nutrients it needs then it will scream 'hungry' - louder and louder until it gets fed properly. Get to this state and a binge is almost inevitable sad.

You need to get back to eating proper, regular meals, to re-regulate your appetite and reassure your poor body that food is available and will come when it is needed. Then you need to address the other reasons that you are bingeing. It may be that there is an emotional need to do so (as well as the biological one you are sort of manufacturing by restricting your food most of the time). If you need professional help to achieve all this then please seek it.

People binge because they have a need to - they are not flawed, or broken, or willpower weaklings - bingeing is not wrong! It also should not - in fact cannot - be fought with willpower. Bingeing is a sign screaming that something else needs to be resolved in that person's life.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:18:04

3, one meal a day is really starvation mode, this will be making your tiredness and bad thoughts much worse. Your brain needs essential fats to function properly. Try and squeeze in a high protein yogurt at breakfast if you can't face proper food yet, and handfuls of almonds or other nuts or seeds, gradually build up what you are eating with things that are good for you. I've yet to meet anyone that got fat because they liked eating nuts or grains too much.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 08:19:19

Ps I'm not judging in case that's not obvious, many days this year 90% of calories consumed have been junk ones.

ishouldcocoa Wed 11-Dec-13 08:40:37

Sorry not to have been back to this thread. Iwish - how did you get on with the book?

It is helping me a bit. Small babysteps. Just being a bit more mindful about food, and reminding myself that a lot of this is about low self esteem. (I'm a SAHM and really miss 'achieving' stuff in life).

I am also trying to binge (when I do) on stuff that's more filling. Oatcakes and ham, nuts, yoghurts. I keep trying to binge on dark chocolate and failing, so a small victory, I suppose!

(I'm wheat intolerant, although on a bad day, you'd never know. I pay for a week afterwards with bad mouth ulcers)

The 'checklist' of personality types you posted upthread - I tick every single one of them.

Hermione123 Wed 11-Dec-13 10:35:36

It is certifiably nearly impossible to binge on dark chocolate, or raw chocolate smile I've tried both! I tick all the boxes too...btw I've started throwing out chocolate Xmas gifts, if I have it in the house, sooner or later it gets eaten, you might want to try that. Feels wrong throwing away 'food' but actually it's just going to hurt me.

Ishould - what do you do for yourself/what did you used to do (not work), I mean for pleasure, relaxation or interest. If nothing in particular, is there anything, a sport, class, creative something or other you feel drawn towards?

ishouldcocoa Wed 11-Dec-13 23:50:03

I sew a bit and I volunteer, too. I enjoy both. Its' just I feel that life is passing me by, sometimes. I need to plan to go back to work, but luckily don't have to as DH earns enough. It would be more for my self esteem.

Hermione123 Thu 12-Dec-13 08:24:22

Ishould I only work because I need to for my self esteem, I'm in the same situation and although I feel guilty that it's not best for my dh or dd, it is what I need to do. What types of thing would you like to do?

ishouldcocoa Thu 12-Dec-13 15:08:18

I used to be a designer - and I'm sure that's why I enjoy sewing so much.

I am also a real 'people' person, so my volunteering is based around that.

I have complete strangers pour their hearts out to me... while I sit on a park bench trying to eat my lunch!! (I must have something tattooed across my forehead....hmm)

IWishYouWould Sat 14-Dec-13 17:32:46

smile update: MNHQ has agreed that they will make a new topic for ED's. I really think all of us using this thread and others across MN to bring the topic into the open a bit more has helped massively.

So we can look forward to having more support not just for us, but everyone else waiting to have a relevant place to share and ask for support. smile

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