Not sure if what I'm feeling is antenatal depression or just hormones but I feel completely floored by it. Please help? Just need to talk.
36 weeks with baby 2. Please don't judge but had this baby because I had to, not because I wanted to. DH took on me & DS1 whilst I was still pg after evil exH left me pregnant to run off with a teenager. I only ever really wanted 1 child but children are v v important to DH & it was always made v clear if I married him id be expected to have at least one more.
I'm not a 'natural' mother although DS is the most wonderful thing in my life. I'm rubbish at imaginary games & messy play & all the stuff I should be good at :( I am good at cuddles though :s
I'm very very focused on my career, have worked v hard to climb after having DS, am finally at manager level & gutted that I have to hand over the reins now to my maternity cover. The idea of 6 months at home with a baby fills me with dread not joy.
I have acquaintances but no really close friends. Nobody I can tell everything to & who I feel really cares about me. I always think to myself that if I were to die hardly anyone would come to my funeral
My beloved Dad is dead - he died when DS was tiny. My mother is very mentally unstable & v hard work - I've had to cut her off once during this pg for my own sanity. DH is v sweet but frankly a bit simple. He can't seem to connect with how I feel about anything - nothing goes in. It's like talking to a teddy bear - cute & cuddly but no response of any value. His main concern in life is his family - his parents & many siblings. They are v hard work - competetive, judgemental, incredibly eccentric & over dramatic. They exhaust me & I never feel I fit in with them.
I feel so so alone. I talk to people on here, to people on my birth boards but they're not 'real'. I've tried making one or two real friends but it takes so much time & I can't vent to them like this or id scare them off. I lie in bed at night awake & screaming in my head & just wanting someone to talk with & to
understand me but there is nobody
On one hand this baby can't come quick enough. I've hated every minute of being pg - what it's done to my mind, my body, my career. I'm dreading the lack of sleep, the nappies and vomit, crying & baby talk. I don't feel confident DH will pull his weight. But I see all the BAs on my birth board and getting more & more frantic that it's not me yet, that I can't wait another 4 weeks.
Today SIL announced she's pg again with 2nd baby. I feel like she's done it to compete & spite me. It's totally taken the shine off our baby, DH's family are now far more excited about hers. My own poor DS1 has never really been accepted in same way as her children. I just know she'll have a girl as I wanted a girl more than anything but I'm having all boys.
I must sound like an absolute cow. A totally crazy cow. Plz don't just tell me to see Dr. With DS1 my evil exHs mum called social services on me because she thought it would help their custody battle. Ironically, with that pg despite that exH put me through I really didn't have depression - I was fine & that's what they found. But it's still on my notes & I don't want more notes saying I'm mad.
I just need someone to talk to. I hate feeling like this. Want to curl up & hide until I feel better. Can't even be bothered with darling DS or DH, they're driving me crazy. I want to be alone, but that's exactly what I'm scared of.
Please help me or tell me how you got over this?
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Mental health
36 weeks, can't cope with feelings - antenatal depression??
7 replies
BoyMeetsWorld · 03/11/2013 19:52
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