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My Sister committed suicide.

(61 Posts)
Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 00:48:43

My 27 year old sister sadly took her own life on Sunday, I'm broken I can't sleep or eat I don't know what to do with myself. It was a shock but not a surprise she was crippled by depression and I just hope she has found some peace now.

giraffesCantSledge Mon 02-Dec-13 06:21:14

Thinking of you x

Unhelpful please know I'm another person thinking of you today xxx

Juneywoony Mon 02-Dec-13 05:31:19

Thanks.

Helpyourself I have cried in front of them and told them why so many times now, they were starting to get upset themselves so I just had to say I had tummy ache and take some deep breathes to stop.

Yes Varya depression is such an awful illness, I'm glad your husband was caught in time, must have been a terrible time for you.
I'm sorry you have lost your sister too, xxxx

Varya Sun 01-Dec-13 18:57:11

Very sorry to hear this sad news. My husband attempted suicide in 2009.
Depression is a terrible condition and my heart goes out to you as my sister died suddenly in 2007. Hope you can gradually come to terms hard as it is. Varya XXX

Helpyourself Sun 01-Dec-13 18:52:23

I'm glad your psych is good. Don't worry about your dcs seeing you cry, and why!
flowers

Juneywoony Sun 01-Dec-13 08:42:14

Got my brother staying with me for the weekend which is really nice and doing us some good being together.

Yes I will go up and spend a bit of time with my mum and brother over Christmas. Got my dad and his partner coming to stay for a couple of days at my house too.

Christmas day will be the usual of going to my in laws.

Started crying in town yesterday as this time last year it was me and my sister doing the Christmas shopping together, had to tell the kids I had a bit of tummy ache.

Saw my psych again on Friday which is really good, that's the third time I have seen him since it has happened, I'm so lucky to have such a kind and caring psych. My cpn is still off sick, have seen another in her place a couple of times but it's just not the same. Really do feel though like it is just grief affecting me and not the illness just really hope that it stays that way.

xxxxx

Helpyourself Sat 30-Nov-13 09:21:50

Sorry I missed your update juney.
Take care, what are your plans for christmas? Will you be with your Mum?

Juneywoony Thu 21-Nov-13 06:46:04

So so really, managing to do the basic housework, washing etc.. getting the kids to school.
I swing from crying uncontrollably to laughing at funny things we did.

Sleeps a bit better, Psych has said I can take two 7.5 zopiclone if I want but I've been sticking to one just don't want to get too reliant on them. Taking more clonazepam, it just keeps the edge off things. He upped my lamotragine to 200 mg daily.

My mum had somebody from the crisis team visit yesterday to ask how they could have done things differently, so she told them. Hopefully they will take it on board and change things, if they could and just save one other persons life then it would mean that Helen's death wasn't in vain.

Had to go to the breast clinic yesterday as I have a lump and missed my appointment a couple of weeks ago with all this going on, thankfully they did ultrasound and said that it's nothing to worry about. They are going to send the images off for a second opinion but the woman reassured me she really did think it was nothing. So at least that's one less worry off my mind. x

Helpyourself Wed 20-Nov-13 08:06:39

Thank you for updating. It sounds like it was as good as it could be- how lovely of your parents' partners to stand back like that.
Look after yourself; how are you?
flowers

Juneywoony Wed 20-Nov-13 07:45:44

Just a little update for those of you that may be interested.

We had the funeral on remembrance day, it went as well as these things can, family and friends cried buckets. My parents are divorced but their partners took a step back and let them be together to hold hands, hug and cry together for their youngest child, which really touched me.

We asked for just family flowers only but donations to MIND if people wanted to, there was almost £200 in the box and my mum has since had more from friends. My mum and myself took them to MIND and they were very grateful, it gave us some comfort.

Life seems strange now, it's only been 3 and a half weeks since she passed but already it feels like she's forgotten, people not mentioning her to me which hurts as all I want to do is talk about her. I've cried everyday bar one (which I felt guilty for ) since the day she died. It does me good, my psychiatrist said to let it all out and has reassured me that it's not my illness causing things I'm doing but grief. He has been so good to me through all this. He has upped my meds and is seeing me fortnightly, I'm seeing cpn weekly so at least I feel like I have a safety net.

My brother is traumatised bless him, he went back to work the week after she died but after the funeral he didn't so was really worried he had lost his job, trouble was he wasn't sleeping, keeps thinking she's walking in his room, picturing the image he saw. I rang his work up and sorted that, I also got him a doctors appointment which he went to, they gave him some sleepers and started the ball rolling for counselling.

Thanks to everyone who posted, xxxxxx

alexjefery11 Mon 04-Nov-13 10:30:08

we must have to be somewhat close to our children and family so that they can easily share their issues and problems

Juneywoony Mon 04-Nov-13 09:40:35

I'm so so really, got the kids al ready to go to school this morning, walk there just to find out it's closed due to the heating being broken! I was looking forward to just being alone with my thought today, instead of kids arguing and fighting all day! Plus I've got carpet fitters coming to do the stairs and landing arghhhhh!

Just panicking that it won't be open tomorrow as I'd planned to go up to my mum's and see my sister in the chapel of rest, order flowers and help my mum with some of the arrangements.

In the words of my dear sister FuckyBollocks lol!

2Retts Mon 04-Nov-13 02:09:47

Hope you are feeling better after the weekend Juneywooney

Hoofdegebouw Fri 01-Nov-13 22:38:54

I am so, so sorry for your loss

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 01-Nov-13 19:24:53

So sorry to hear this Juney, take care of yourself

TillyTotter1 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:29:00

My heart's going out to you. What an awful time you're having, any wonder you're finding it hard to cope/function - anyone would, regardless of whether they have MH issues or not

KalevalaForMePlease Fri 01-Nov-13 11:26:26

Don't be so hard on yourself Juney, you are grieving, dealing with a horrible tragedy. One day at a time. Xxx

Juneywoony Fri 01-Nov-13 11:16:46

I went out and got so drunk last night, feel a complete twat today, cringing at stuff I was saying to people. I feel like I'm getting ill I can't function. My husband is off work today as I just cant look after the kids. Ive got a cpn coming today, not my usual one as she's off sick, I'm so scared of loosing my mind.

ajandjjmum Fri 01-Nov-13 04:18:11

So sorry - what a dreadful thing for you and your family.

kateandme Fri 01-Nov-13 03:15:36

make sure your keeping well hun.i know this grief will set off all sorts of triggers for your own illness.
i cant say it will get any easier.but its does get easier to cope.each day it may hit you hard.but you are here.you are loved and im sure she loved you so very much.her needing to do this isnt anything on you or your help and love and support.depression as an overbearing illness and im sorry it took her to that place.
you can do this.its going to be very hard but there are lots of thought circulating for you.
let people help you too.
im also sorry the team set to help here werent there like they should.
they arent all the saem so if you need extra support reach for it.,
take care.

2Retts Fri 01-Nov-13 03:01:26

Oh Juneywooney, it is indeed heartbreaking, our DC's reactions.

My son was only 8 when my DB died and he sobbed throughout the memorial service wearing the little Garfield waistcoat my DB had bought him some years earlier. His pain was so tangible and I had no clue how to deal with it...we talked, a lot.

To this day, we have lengthy chats about my DB and his precious memories...it helps him tremendously.

Your lovely daughter will deal with this far better than you could imagine as long as you continue to communicate; I do know that is difficult. You are always in my thoughts and prayers

somersethouse Thu 31-Oct-13 08:39:35

Oh that is heartbreaking, I am so sorry. The bit about your daughter and the birthday card has made me cry.

You are being so strong. Your sister, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. x

Juneywoony Thu 31-Oct-13 08:24:52

Thank you everyone.

It was/is her birthday today she would have been 28, just hope she is happy wherever she is and not in all that turmoil. I take comfort in the fact that she is with her ex bf now.

I got the kids back yesterday, they had, had a great time at nanny and granddads but my eldest who's 6 kept asking questions about my sister and I said maybe it would be nice to draw her a picture with her cat (she loved that cat and treated it as her baby). So she drew a lovely picture, then later on I caught her looking through a draw in her bedroom, she was looking for the birthday card my sister had sent the other week. We found it and she said I need to keep this safe forever, later on when she went to bed she just started sobbing, it broke my heart. She said she knows she will never see her again, I had to lay and hold her for ages. It's all just so heart breaking.

williaminajetfighter Thu 31-Oct-13 06:49:51

So sorry to hear this Juney. I understand some of what you're going through as my Dad killed himself last year. It takes a long time to get over the initial shock and its a feeling of sadness and bewilderment that never really goes away.

I would say that people respond to and deal with grief re suicide in very different ways. I found the comments and people's behaviour up to and at the funeral really mixed. I tried to ignore this and just focus on my own feelings and memories. I hope you're able to do the same.

Hope you are able to get some rest and support from your family.

KalevalaForMePlease Thu 31-Oct-13 04:49:47

Hope your appointment went well today Juney. Thinking of you.

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