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My Sister committed suicide.

(61 Posts)
Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 00:48:43

My 27 year old sister sadly took her own life on Sunday, I'm broken I can't sleep or eat I don't know what to do with myself. It was a shock but not a surprise she was crippled by depression and I just hope she has found some peace now.

Thumbfuckerwitch Wed 30-Oct-13 02:19:40

So very sad for you Juney, what an awful thing to have to deal with. And how dreadful for your brother to have that image. Hope he can access some counselling pretty quickly, that's quite traumatic.

Like 2Retts said though, hospitalising your sister may not have stopped her from doing it anyway - a bloke I went to school with was hospitalised with paranoid schizophrenia after an "interesting" druggy party he went to, and he managed to escape from the 24h suicide watch he was under during lunch, and killed himself. sad

While there isn't really anything anyone can say to make you feel "better" at this time, I just hope that you can feel that she is somehow released from whatever torment she was in and is now at peace.

You're very brave to have gone to see her at the hospital. I hope that you get as much love and understanding as possible from your family and friends, it's a dark time but I hope you have all the support you need to get through it.

If you need any help with how to explain things to your children, then Winston's Wish is supposed to be very useful

((((hugs))))

AdoraBell Wed 30-Oct-13 02:32:28

So very sorry <<Hugs>>

GuillotineLibertine73 Wed 30-Oct-13 03:23:46

So very sorry for your loss love. There always someone here for you if you need us flowers

Mimishimi Wed 30-Oct-13 03:31:38

I'm really sorry thanks

KalevalaForMePlease Wed 30-Oct-13 03:54:21

Hope you managed to get to sleep OP. There will always be someone here if you need to talk. All the best, will be thinking of you. Xx

Juneywoony I am so very sorry for you. Thinking of you.

Crawling Wed 30-Oct-13 08:40:34

So very sad for you.

Juneywoony Wed 30-Oct-13 08:45:59

Thank you.

I managed to get about 3 hours but have woke up again feeling like I'm in a dream.

Hopefully my psych will give me something to help me sleep today. One of my good friends is taking me to the appointment, she's a nurse and very kind and caring. My husband usually comes with me but he's got so much on at work, although he did say he would come if my friend couldn't. I always get anxious and end up crying when I see my psych even when I'm well! lol god knows why.

I feel bad for making this all about me. I keep thinking maybe there was something I could have said to her, done...etc.

The hardest part is that she had ignored all my phone calls and texts these past 2 months, we hadn't fallen out although we had, had our fair share of those in the past over daft things but always made it up afterwards, neither of us are the easiest of people and we are both as stubborn and feisty as each other. I could laugh at some of the silly reasons we fell out over....one being a sandwich!!!!

She went back to live with my mum a couple of months ago as she just wasn't coping, I spoke to her a couple of times whilst she was there and then she just started ignoring me. It wasn't just me, it was our Gran and some of her friends I knew why as when you feel so depressed you just don't want to talk to people, you have nothing to say. I spoke to my mum all the time though so passed messages on through her and was kept up to date with how she was etc..

It was my daughters birthday two weeks ago and my mum, brother and sister sent a huge box full of gifts, I knew instantly it was my sister who had chosen them she knew the things my daughter liked. I text and rang to thank her and asked if she wanted to speak to my daughter as she wanted to thank her Auntie but I got no reply. Why didn't I just get the bloody train up and see her!

Thanks for the link to help my children. I have already spoken to my brother about counselling about what he saw and have asked him if he would go and see her now, so that the last image isn't as bad. Although it still isn't a nice one, but she looks asleep and at peace. She was moved to the funeral parlour yesterday, her best friend has kindly bought her some lovely new pj's, dressing gown and fluffy bed socks to wear. God we loved fluffy socks I always used to buy them for her when I bought myself some, we always used to like getting in our jammies and watching a film even if it was the day time!

It's going to be hard as the funeral isn't until the 11th, our Dad lives in Africa and had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago, my mum just wanted to give it an extra week for him to get a bit stronger for the flight.

I'm waffling on now...

Thanks again, x

I blamed myself for a long time after my friend's death, but in reality there was nothing I could have done. Even if I'd camped at the foot of her bed she would eventually have found a way. I found it took a while for the self-blame to fade. I also got really angry at points - that's normal too.

I understand about going to see your sister - I did the same with my friend. It was horrible but helpful IYSWIM.

Be kind to yourself lovely, it's a terrible shock to lose someone dear in this way. Make sure you eat something, try and get some sleep and drink fluids. I'm glad you've got your appointment today.

Much love to you and your family. flowers

2Retts Thu 31-Oct-13 00:15:34

Hope your appointment went as well as could be expected today Juneywooney. It's so important to be good to yourself right now.

You seem to be coping so well all things considered. I especially enjoyed reading your -waffle- mentions of wonderful memories of your DSis; she clearly loved you and your DD very much.

Whenever we (in our family) lose a precious loved one, our default is to focus on all the wonderful memories we know we were privileged to have had the time to create with them; we continue to give them our time in talking about these memories frequently...it helps us.

Know that our thoughts are with you and that we're here to listen too x

Megbeth Thu 31-Oct-13 03:21:25

So sorry to hear that, that's so sad. Maybe some bereavement counselling when you feel ready would help you. My committed suicide when I was a baby. I was only 1 yrs old. Even though I don't remember her it has affected my life not having a mum.
Thinking of you at this time.

KalevalaForMePlease Thu 31-Oct-13 04:49:47

Hope your appointment went well today Juney. Thinking of you.

williaminajetfighter Thu 31-Oct-13 06:49:51

So sorry to hear this Juney. I understand some of what you're going through as my Dad killed himself last year. It takes a long time to get over the initial shock and its a feeling of sadness and bewilderment that never really goes away.

I would say that people respond to and deal with grief re suicide in very different ways. I found the comments and people's behaviour up to and at the funeral really mixed. I tried to ignore this and just focus on my own feelings and memories. I hope you're able to do the same.

Hope you are able to get some rest and support from your family.

Juneywoony Thu 31-Oct-13 08:24:52

Thank you everyone.

It was/is her birthday today she would have been 28, just hope she is happy wherever she is and not in all that turmoil. I take comfort in the fact that she is with her ex bf now.

I got the kids back yesterday, they had, had a great time at nanny and granddads but my eldest who's 6 kept asking questions about my sister and I said maybe it would be nice to draw her a picture with her cat (she loved that cat and treated it as her baby). So she drew a lovely picture, then later on I caught her looking through a draw in her bedroom, she was looking for the birthday card my sister had sent the other week. We found it and she said I need to keep this safe forever, later on when she went to bed she just started sobbing, it broke my heart. She said she knows she will never see her again, I had to lay and hold her for ages. It's all just so heart breaking.

somersethouse Thu 31-Oct-13 08:39:35

Oh that is heartbreaking, I am so sorry. The bit about your daughter and the birthday card has made me cry.

You are being so strong. Your sister, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. x

2Retts Fri 01-Nov-13 03:01:26

Oh Juneywooney, it is indeed heartbreaking, our DC's reactions.

My son was only 8 when my DB died and he sobbed throughout the memorial service wearing the little Garfield waistcoat my DB had bought him some years earlier. His pain was so tangible and I had no clue how to deal with it...we talked, a lot.

To this day, we have lengthy chats about my DB and his precious memories...it helps him tremendously.

Your lovely daughter will deal with this far better than you could imagine as long as you continue to communicate; I do know that is difficult. You are always in my thoughts and prayers

kateandme Fri 01-Nov-13 03:15:36

make sure your keeping well hun.i know this grief will set off all sorts of triggers for your own illness.
i cant say it will get any easier.but its does get easier to cope.each day it may hit you hard.but you are here.you are loved and im sure she loved you so very much.her needing to do this isnt anything on you or your help and love and support.depression as an overbearing illness and im sorry it took her to that place.
you can do this.its going to be very hard but there are lots of thought circulating for you.
let people help you too.
im also sorry the team set to help here werent there like they should.
they arent all the saem so if you need extra support reach for it.,
take care.

ajandjjmum Fri 01-Nov-13 04:18:11

So sorry - what a dreadful thing for you and your family.

Juneywoony Fri 01-Nov-13 11:16:46

I went out and got so drunk last night, feel a complete twat today, cringing at stuff I was saying to people. I feel like I'm getting ill I can't function. My husband is off work today as I just cant look after the kids. Ive got a cpn coming today, not my usual one as she's off sick, I'm so scared of loosing my mind.

KalevalaForMePlease Fri 01-Nov-13 11:26:26

Don't be so hard on yourself Juney, you are grieving, dealing with a horrible tragedy. One day at a time. Xxx

TillyTotter1 Fri 01-Nov-13 11:29:00

My heart's going out to you. What an awful time you're having, any wonder you're finding it hard to cope/function - anyone would, regardless of whether they have MH issues or not

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 01-Nov-13 19:24:53

So sorry to hear this Juney, take care of yourself

Hoofdegebouw Fri 01-Nov-13 22:38:54

I am so, so sorry for your loss

2Retts Mon 04-Nov-13 02:09:47

Hope you are feeling better after the weekend Juneywooney

Juneywoony Mon 04-Nov-13 09:40:35

I'm so so really, got the kids al ready to go to school this morning, walk there just to find out it's closed due to the heating being broken! I was looking forward to just being alone with my thought today, instead of kids arguing and fighting all day! Plus I've got carpet fitters coming to do the stairs and landing arghhhhh!

Just panicking that it won't be open tomorrow as I'd planned to go up to my mum's and see my sister in the chapel of rest, order flowers and help my mum with some of the arrangements.

In the words of my dear sister FuckyBollocks lol!

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