Ive felt fine for weeks & it's hit me again

[ShootMyMIL]

I feel like I've failed - haven't had a bad day in Soo long - even came off the anti depressants

Now I've fallen back into the deep black hole of wanting to kill myself, feeling alone all the time & crying over stupid things such as dropping my keys

I've failed!!

[EBearhug]

No, you haven't. You're having a bad day. It's never a straightforward path - there are sometimes steps back. As long as your overall progress is forward, that's what counts. If it's been going on for longer than a day or two, then maybe it's worth going back to your GP?

I've been off anti-ds for some years now, but there are still days where everything is very bleak and hopeless. They don't happen as frequently as they once did, and they don't last so long, but I've sort of accepted that I'll probably never be entirely free of it. I can live with mostly, though.

Do you think the light affects you? I've certainly noticed the changing season. If it does, you could try a SAD lamp. Also, as I've got older, I find I'm much more affected by hormones, and if I realise feeling almost suicidal matches my cycle, then it's already easier to deal with, because I know it will pass in a day or two. It may not be relevant to you, but worth considering.

You haven't failed. You've got through this before, and it shows you've got the strength to do it again. Just one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

[ShootMyMIL]

I can't do it again don't have the strength to.

I've been feeling like this for a couple of days. Seeing GP tomorrow - how on earth can I tell him I want anti depressants again

[EBearhug]

Just tell him. You certainly won't be his only patient who's had to go back on them, plenty of people do. He's there to support you.

[ShootMyMIL]

I feel like ive failed everyone and mainly myself.

[EBearhug]

You haven't failed. You've recognised you need help and are asking for it. Not everyone can do that.

[HoopHopes]

You have not failed. Some people have a chemical imbalance and need medication to help them. People who go through the menopause may need HRT but that does not mean to say they have failedc

Winter is always a hard time, lack of warm sunny days etc, low vitamin d levels etc which cannot help.

[KissesBreakingWave]

NOT a failure. Your need for antidepressants is no more a personal failing than my father's need for thyroxine supplements, which he will be taking until the day he dies. Or my need for antidepressants, which I will be taking likewise. Without them, I'm afraid of everything, and throw up in the mornings at the thought of facing the day. Take your medication, and all the strength you've built up to push on in spite of your illness can be used for productive purposes.