I am not sure I can talk about anyone about this that I know. As this all goes way more personal than I can discuss with anyone.
My husband with whom I have three children, was recently diagnosed with acute anxiety. Looking back this has been going on for a long time. He has often spent one of the weekend days in bed over the years, staring at the computer or TV and totally non-engaged with the kids. He would explode over tiny things and that would mean cold war for days until he would eventually apologise. He worries constantly about his health, in a way that annoys me. Our sex life was always occasional but is now non-existent - last time was when we conceived #3 and she will be 2 soon.
He is getting treatment, on drugs and seeing someone. He is doing a lot of mindfulness and that is helping. THere have been a lot of changes in our lives recently, moving country, he's not working at the moment, he's at home a lot with the kids and that seems to do his head in, while he loves them to bits, we're not in our own place... I am job hunting too and it looks like I'll have something before him... And that is an issue too.
He's a great Dad, a really loving Dad and while he finds 24/7 contact with the kids too much, he would lay down his life for them.
But that's only part of it. I increasingly feel I don't love him anymore. I care for him as a friend. I worry about him as a friend. I am there for him as a friend. We parent well together, But I don't fancy him. I don't want to have sex with him. I don't want to kiss him. I also think this has been going on for a long time with me too... I always felt he loved me a lot more than I ever loved him. I wonder sometimes if I have ever loved him. And yet we have had 3 kids together so that is huge.
So basically I am feeling like a right shit and hypocrite. He tells me constantly how much he loves me, how much he relies on me, how he can't live without me. The kids adore him obviously. And here I am with all these secret feelings? It would destroy him, maybe send him over the edge if he knew any of this. Not to speak of the terrible effect it would have on the kids. And I feel so awful when friends/relations tell me how great I am, what a great wife I am for supporting his so much in his hour of need. And I think - if they only knew..
Sorry for the long post but this is kind of helpful to write down as it's been in my head for a long time...
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.
Mental health
Husband has anxiety/depression. I am not sure i love him any more.
5 replies
katusha · 17/10/2013 21:52
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.