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Mental health

how do I stop feeling scared my kids will get ill?

9 replies

nearlythree · 30/06/2006 20:49

I've just had ds and have two dds aged 4 and 2. As some of you may know, dd2 has been ill around the time of ds' birth, and since then all three have had chicken pox. Over the past year we've had a fair whack of illness - dd1 had a stonking vomiting bug, dd2 gets tonsilitis and in March me and the girls got a virus which resulted in dd2 and I being hospitalised, although dd1 shoudl have been too IMO. That's without the ususal colds and temperatures. I really can't take any more, esp. as I am terrified that when the dds get something nasty ds will get it. They really have been ill sometimes, so poorly it is like there is no-one behind their eyes. I think if ds gets something like that he'll die. I've found it hard to reconnect with dd2 since coming home as I thought I'd never see her again. Now we have but I'm more worried than ever. My kids are my life. My friend recently lost her ds to meningitis and hsi symptoms were just like so many of the things the girls have had, so I know that these things do happen. I used to think I was a competent mum but now I don't trust my own judgement. We have a maternity nurse here who has helped us nurse the dds through CP but I just felt useless - if she hadn't been herre they would hav ereally been in trouble. I just want to blank all these feelings out and be the mum my kids deserve, not some wreck who is always miserable. Please can anyone help me?

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gettingthere · 30/06/2006 21:01

nearlythree

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. That in itself will make you depressed. Give yourself time to come to terms with everything that has happened. Spend time with each of your children on their own and build up your relationships slowly.

Thinking of you,
gettingthere

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nearlythree · 30/06/2006 22:36

thank you xx

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gettingthere · 30/06/2006 22:38

Take care of yourself and the rest will improve. My mum always says that nothing will get better if you don't take care of yourself.

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mrsnoah · 30/06/2006 23:37

oh nearlythere i know how you feel. My kids were always in and out of hosp. My friend lost her ds to meningitis too and it hits you sooo hard. Do you feel like noone else realises how vulnerable we are and how precious life is?
From your post, you sound like an intelligent and caring Mum who is just worrying so much. Trust your instincts when your kids get poorly. You've done a good job with them so far and they are getting bigger and stronger by the day.
(also, I do think that if they're poorly lots as teenies they are much healthier than their pals as they get older)

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nearlythree · 01/07/2006 19:37

Thank you gettingthere and mrsnoah. Sorry to hear your children have been poorly too, mrsnoah, it's so sad, isn't it? I really think I'm going to go off my head with worrying so much. I just wish I could enjoy my children instead of thinking, ''what if?' all the time. But teh dds hav ebeen so ill this past few months and I couldn't bear to see them like it again, or think what such a virus could do to ds.

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mrsnoah · 01/07/2006 23:09

You must try really hard not to worry so much. They are much tougher than they look! Plus am convinced that poorly tots make for healthy kids.

Build them up, feed them well and get them lots of fresh air.. then at least you can feel you are doing something positive.

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festiveface · 03/07/2006 09:02

hi nearlythree,

i know just what you mean. unfortunately i have been like this for a long time now and won't even leave mine with a babysitter for fear of something bad happening.
i'm not sure if you are as worrysome as me but i have been considering that maybe i have an anxiety disorder or something.
it's probably normal though to be like that when you have a tiny baby, considering the illnesses they have all had. give yourself a bit of time and pat yourself on the back for looking after them so well.
you can only do your best.

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nearlythree · 05/07/2006 20:41

Thankyou, festiveface, I think I have a tendency to this type of worrying too, although it has definitely got worse. I hate car journeys too, and I can remember being convinced that dd1 was going to drown in her bath.

mrsnoah, yes, I really don't think peopel realise how fragile life is and how things can change in an instant. Our lives seem to me to literally hang by a thread - it takes very little for it all to come crashing down. I just have to get in perspective that for most people this never happens!

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nearlythree · 05/07/2006 20:43

The problem is, of course, that when you realise how fragile and precious life is, it becomes so much harder to relax and enjoy it. I often feel disconnected when I watch the chidren enjoying themselves, because a part of me is thinking that this could all be over so easily. .

And I'm actually having a better day today!