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Can't get out of bed

(52 Posts)
Messupmum Sun 06-Oct-13 11:26:59

I don't think people who haven't suffered from depression can understand that awful feeling when you can't physically do anything.

I'm lying in bed, attempted getting up and dressed a few times but it's like wading through treacle. My body feels heavy, my head feels foggy/muzzy-hard to explain. My eyes want to close but my racing thoughts wouldn't let me sleep.

I need to get up and do things but I can't even decide what to wear, even opening a drawer to get clothes out is hard work! It's so ridiculous but when you're stuck in this place, it's horrible, scary and frustrating.

I managed to have a cup of tea earlier and a biscuit, but that took a lot of energy and I found myself back in bed. Despite eating/drinking I feel so spaced out and dizzy it's like I haven't eaten for a week.

It's sunny outside but it could be raining and miserable for all I care. I hate this illness that no one can see, but it is a daily struggle and I'm expected to get on with it.

silvermirror Sun 06-Oct-13 12:40:31

Depression is Definately under estimated, and very dibilitating effecting you mentally and physically.

It Really Does sound like yr Really struggling are you still recieving the support from the crisis Team?

U shouldnt be left to just get on with coping with depression and complex mental health conditions I really do feel you need more practical support.

Find out if yor área had a Advocasy service for mental health, they will help you get the correct services to properley assess and treat you.

Not been able to get out of bed is common in depression, its a kind of self protection from the real world, in bed we feel safer, cacooned, in the womb evenbefore we were born.

Keep on posting even if its just to sound off yr experience at least its a way of coping and yr posts will be reaching out to lots of other people who are going through similar experiences.

sicily1921 Sun 06-Oct-13 14:58:23

Hi OP, so sorry you feeling bad it must be awful. We are here for you, Keep having tea and biscuits if you need them and your bed if you can.

what help are you getting, either at home or professional? Can I help?

Hugs and love to you.

Messupmum Sun 06-Oct-13 16:26:48

Urgh I feel like I'm wasting my life, I am just here, not really living. What's the point in being here if all I want to do is hide away in bed.

I feel like there's so much I should be doing, even just going for a walk, but I just can't. So many reasons I find not to, one being I don't want anyone seeing me.

I have a cpn and having group therapy, that's the support. People see me able to cope, they can't see me falling apart and unable to think clearly. I hate this.

I'm so sorry you're going through this sad I know the feeling and it's truly awful.

Do you feel you're getting anywhere with the group therapy/ cpn? Have you considered medication if it's sobad?

Sophiedotty Mon 07-Oct-13 07:05:22

Sorry to hear that. I remember that feeling well when my depression was so bad. Are you on medication? The new SSRI's like Sertraline & Prozac seemed to make you feel more awake & able to do things once they kick in.
Can you phone your CPN & say how bad you are feeling,

Messupmum Mon 07-Oct-13 09:09:12

I'm on sertraline, sometimes it feels like it's working, other days I might as well be taking sweets.

Didn't sleep well last night as intense feelings of missing people who I don't see anymore, anxiety was at an all time high and feeling guilty about everything.

I'm scared nothing is going to work, I've tried everything. Friends and family are fed up with me, there's only so much they can do. My cpn only works 3 days and I don't know what to say. Apart from I don't want to be here anymore, but she's heard it all before.

CaptainSweatPants Mon 07-Oct-13 09:13:43

Could you ring someone & arrange to go out for a walk later? The fresh air & sunshine might help you sleep better tonight
flowers

sicily1921 Mon 07-Oct-13 09:20:19

You don't sound too happy with the CPN service to me. Having a service for only three days a week seems really bad, are you able to say that you feel you need more than that, to her or your GP.

Also it shouldn't matter how many times she heard you say things she should be there to listen and support you. Do you feel that she does that?

Please please try and go for that walk, you have me, Silver, Sophie and Wednesday here at the mo to support you. Put some glad rags on if you can to give you a boost.

Sophiedotty Mon 07-Oct-13 09:47:31

I take 2.5 mg of Olanzapine with 75 mg of Sertraline. This is the best combination for me. For years I was just on 50 mg Sertraline. It just kept my head above water so I was able to work. I am not in the UK now & do find the treatment of m/h issues so much better here than in the UK. My Dr referred me to a psychiatrist & it was the best thing for me. I tried lots of other meds but this worked the best for me & no weight gain.
Olanzapine is an anti psychotic & mood stabilizer. It has a boosting effect on the Sertraline. I can't take 100mg of Sertraline as I get bad night sweats & headaches otherwise.
What dose are you on? Could you asked to be referred to a psychiatrist? I know on the NHS it will be a long wait though.

Sounds like you are having a bad time atm. It is really difficult but try not to feel guilty about it. Doesn't sounds like your meds are for you so you might need to go back to gp to get them changed. Try to think of something to motivate you to do the essentials ( mine is my ds) and not to worry about the rest.
We are here for you, talk as much as you want, you won't be judged hugs

Longtallsally Mon 07-Oct-13 09:59:39

Echoing Sophiedotty's post. I remember that feeling so well too, when bed is the only safe place. But it's lovely to read from Sophie and others that things can get better with the right treatment and support.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and try not to expect too much from yourself. You got up and made tea and had a biscuit. Great. You posted here - wise move. You are hoping to get dressed, but that's proving hard. Maybe taking a shower would be a good first step. It's pleasurable too. Then back to bed for a little bit if you want, but get your clothes laid out first, whilst you are up, and you can pop them on later.

A walk would be lovely but it can feel like a big step. I always found that hovering one room each day was a useful aim. It's exercise of a sort, gets you up and about, but not too much - and it has a nice outcome which you can see too.

Thinking of you.

Messupmum Mon 07-Oct-13 11:26:45

I am able to get up, sort dd out, get her to school etc. some days I do meet with friends, get to the shop, but it's never easy and I hate it. Then the days I can't do those things I don't understand why, and I don't think others get it either.

This morning I got showered, did school run then straight back home where it feels safe. I feel so guilty for not working, but I've been told to take things one step at the time. Tbh I can't even think about holding down a job but it makes me feel useless.

I think my anxiety is bad today, I even did an online shop as I couldn't face going out to do it. I wiped the kitchen down so I feel less useless but now back in bed as I can't cope with all the stuff in my head, all the racing thoughts and guilt. I don't know what I should be doing, I can't think straight.

I'm on 200mg, but been told it's a mixture of that and therapy that will help. I think my diagnosis is bpd, depression and anxiety. So meds don't always help with bpd, it's been so long, gradually I've been feeling worse. I feel more desperate as it feels there's only one way out of this place.

I do like my cpn but she's the fourth this year, and I'm struggling with missing the support of previous ones. I have attachment issues and don't cope well with 'endings'. I just want to cry, I want someone here that understands.

You are doing well today then, you have done more useful things than me! I know what you mean about endings, I really struggle with motivation, leaving the house, facing people so trust me, you are still doing well

Longtallsally Mon 07-Oct-13 13:13:29

Totally agree that people who haven't suffered from depression can't understand that awful feeling when you can't physically do anything. But people on MN do understand and have been there. Some are still there with you, others have found a route forwards.

Depression is awful and soooo hard. Keep on posting. There will be hand holding and practical advice on here for you.

mumtosome61 Mon 07-Oct-13 13:25:36

Messupmum - first of all, you're not a mess up Mum at all. You are a woman who is suffering from a mental illness that is surrounded by a world who alternate between caring and not caring. I can tell you categorically that you are cared for - if only by strangers on the internet and especially from someone who suffers from anxiety and BPD (me).

I don't have much experience of the severe depression that sounds very painful so I am not going to pretend I know how it feels. My BPD means that I do have moments of this, but they are infrequent.

Medication isn't always the way forward with BPD, but if it is the depression/anxiety that is propelling things at the moment, it is better to address them with medication.

As for the CPN - if you feel you are not getting adequate support it is in your best interests to get someone who will be able to support you better. Also, it helped me to have a collection of "safe" people - that means that when the sh*t hits the fan (which it does for me, often), I can call them up without the fear of judgement. I only have two safe people, but it is better than none. Doesn't matter whether the safe person is a long term friend or someone you met last week - whoever you feel you can be genuine with. If that is on MN, then you do whatever works for you.

Small, achievable goals are the way forward. Do not think about work. Think about each day as it comes. Today is not such a good day - retreating to bed makes you feel comfortable - fine, do it. It may feel demoralising, but ultimately you have to do what YOU need to do to feel SAFE.

I found routine absolutely key in getting better (although I'm not better as such, just a bit better than earlier in the year) - but make sure it doesn't become a pressure cooker. Be realistic about what you want to do and what you can do. If it's not a lot - that's absolutely FINE.

As for the bad days - I had one at the weekend. I was all ready to just jump on the first train out of sh*tsville and run some kind of cult. But I tried very hard to remember that in spite of the crap day, I have had some good days recently. Although the bad days seem endless and crushing, there are good days.

Two quick things. I would look to see if there are any psychotherapists that would be willing to come to your house on a week on, week off basis. Meaning that one week they come to your house, and the next meeting you try and get out of the house, even if it's to a local park over the road. I don't know where you are located, but a few in my area did that.

Lastly - this helps me each day;

Do 1 thing you have to do (washing up, writing an email, etc)
Do 1 thing you WANT to do (have a nice cup of tea with a biscuit etc)
Do 1 thing that will make YOU happy (listening to a good uplifting song, watching a film, cuddling in bed - anything).

I hope that helps, and sorry for the essay!

sicily1921 Mon 07-Oct-13 14:13:26

61 what a great post. Thinking of you OP

Messupmum Mon 07-Oct-13 14:33:00

Thanks for all the lovely posts. I have a couple of friends I could call upon when I'm really struggling, but I can't get over that feeling of being a burden. I put off ringing incase they're busy, or asleep or just don't want to speak to me.

I had a list to do today, just had to sort out a medical certificate by ringing GP and sorting out the food shop. I've done those but I still feel I've done nothing. Plus I just went to one shop to buy dd school socks, and it was like I had to do a marathon or a performance etc, I feel horrible and agitated. All I had to do was buy bloody socks. And I'm back in bed. sad

I don't think I'll be offered any more support as I see a psychiatrist as and when I need to, have group therapy (which is too hard) and a cpn. It's just me being me, rubbish.

I wish I could escape for a while then come back, but sometimes the urge to be gone forever are overwhelming.

sicily1921 Mon 07-Oct-13 16:35:04

You have done something, plenty of things, well done!

I know exactly what you mean though about things, even 'simple' things feeling like a marathon.

Just take it bit by bit, you can't do more than that.

More hugs.

Messupmum Tue 08-Oct-13 20:25:06

I can't handle this anxiety! I feel like I'm on the edge. I can't relax because I feel something bad is going to happen and I just can't think rationally to tell myself it's ok.

I'm getting through the day but only just, I can't think clearly but getting the basics done. I feel really low, I don't see the point in eating, getting dressed or doing much at all, but I do, for dd's sake.

I hate this feeling of being scared, the slightest noise makes me panic. I don't want the tv on as then I think I hear dd crying, I turn the tv off but she's not. I feel paranoid about people talking about me, stupid, they've got better things to talk about. I just feel so alone but I don't think I want to be around anyone.

amawhoisayiam Tue 08-Oct-13 22:35:59

I can relate to all this and I get the scared feeling too sometimes, and I can be very avoidant of things. Wish I could give you advice on what to do and how to stop feeling like that but I don't know what to doo either.

Going to things make me anxious and nervous and not going which would be my first choice means I miss out, then feel bad that I cant cope with it.

I'm that pathetic with this I feel its an achievement if I went shopping and to the Hairdressers on my own.

HoopHopes Tue 08-Oct-13 23:45:18

Hi, sorry the depression is so bad right now. There are other medications that are sometimes used for severe depression and bpd such as quietiapine so it may be worth asking for a trial of something on top of the sertraline.

Regarding the Cpn, yours may only work 3 days a week but remember the office has a phone on 5 days a week and should have a system of a duty worker you can talk to or give you a second named worker if no duty worker. You never know who the duty worker is but they will be part of the CMHT.

As far as community mental health work a weekly Cpn, a psychiatrist and therapy is pretty much all they offer, apart from giving crisis team instead of Cpn if feel need more than a weekly Cpn visit. Some people get offered a support worker to help them with daily tasks, getting out and about or with children though. Sometimes they are an OT, sometimes a support worker- where I live that service used to be under CMHT but is now for provided by adult social care. Could you ask your Cpn for more support- I know the Cpn cannot offer it, but could they find out about getting you a support worker etc? Just an idea. Can you tell the Cpn at next meeting that you cannot get out of bed or manage daily tasks? If you could be honest about how much you cannot do they could do an assessment of y,our needs and see what they could provide?

Messupmum Thu 10-Oct-13 09:51:01

Saw my cpn yesterday and she asked me if I wanted different meds for sleeping or the anxiety. I said the anxiety was unbearable and she said about diazepam then hesitated as was worried as it's addictive. So I don't know if I'll get any or not.

What I do know is I can't carry on like this. I'm turned into an emotional wreck. I had to go back into dd's school for something this morning, and walking in the opposite direction to others made me want to hide away and become invisible. I talk to others and put on a smile, but I have no recognition of what I've said. I'm just panicking inside my head, just thinking omg, omg, I can't do this!

Now back home, put some washing on, got therapy later. I'm a waste of space, what has my life become? I feel like I've become someone who I don't recognise or like much.

Golddigger Thu 10-Oct-13 10:11:15

Are you venting?

Messupmum Thu 10-Oct-13 10:50:05

Feel free to ignore me!

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