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Not sure I will cope with being a mum AND work-help!!!!

(12 Posts)
yawninglass Fri 04-Oct-13 07:12:04

I have a 10 month old who I love to bits! He has never been an "easy" baby-needs constant attention, often up through the night etc but I love being a mum.

I have been on mat leave for a year but go back next month. I am absolutely DREADING DS going into nursery as he has separation anxiety and I know i'll be so upset leaving him.

I have a really stressful job and I feel like I'm going to struggle to cope with it as well as doing the millions of jobs at home to look after my son.

My husband has a really busy job and has had huge exams which have just finished. It feels like I have been been doing everything on my own ever since DS was born. Now the exams are over my DH is away on a course for 4 days then is working all weekend. He doesn't seem to "get" how hard I've been working to keep things running. He had had so many nights out at work functions, leaving dos etc but my friends mainly come over to me as I have the baby. Feels like I'm trapped in our flat which always feels in a mess. I never have any "chat" as I don't do anything. I tried starting a Pilates class one evening a week once DS is in bed, but will have to stop as I couldn't make them half the time as DH working.

I know I need to try and get more "me" time but it's sooo hard at the moment, worried that the stress of work is going to tip me over the edge...

Sorry for the essay, just wondered how other mums found going back to work? Did you find it a positive thing to get some normality back???

Thanks for listening x

jchocchip Fri 04-Oct-13 07:19:54

Don't feel guilty at taking me-time. It will be hard at first leaving ds but as soon as you have gone he will be distracted by staff and enjoy himself. Take your lunch break away from your desk. Could you fit in a pilates class then?

bouncysmiley Fri 04-Oct-13 07:30:02

I dreaded it, but after a few days it honestly felt like I'd never left. Are you planning on going back full time?

yawninglass Fri 04-Oct-13 07:33:25

Thank you jchocchip,

I am lucky that I am only going back part time and I keep trying to remind myself that lots of parents don't have that luxury. My job isn't really the type where you get a lunch hour- it's too unpredictable but I think you are right that it is important to try and find a way to keep my Pilates going

I'm hoping the reality of being a working mum isn't as bad as the prospect. I just keep thinking back to evenings after really busy days pre-baby when I barely had the energy to make any dinner. Now I'll have baby laundry, meals, bottles to sort out....

Wish I was more of a glass full kinda gal!!!!!

yawninglass Fri 04-Oct-13 07:37:41

Thanks bouncysmiley, I have heard that it doesn't take long to get back into the swing if things. Did you enjoy going back?

MarjorieAntrobus Fri 04-Oct-13 07:46:11

I think it'll feel better once you are doing it than you are predicting right now. The reality will be better than the anticipation.

My maternity leaves were back in the 90s when it was normal to go back to work when the baby was 4 or 5 months old. I think that may have been easier both for baby and mother than the current pattern of leaving a baby who's almost a year old.

Anyway, I remember crying my eyes out before I left DC1 to go back to work. Once I'd been back for a couple of days I felt really good, like I had got a bit of myself back. Alnother good thing is that it should set the balance back towards equality of housework/childwork with your DH. You must insist on sharing chores in the evenings.

yawninglass Fri 04-Oct-13 09:34:50

Thanks Marjorie, that has really helped. That is interesting about the change in maternity leave. I think I could have done more to help DS get used to other carers but not going to start blaming myself as it's not helpful.
Things usually aren't as bad as anticipated so going to remember difficult events I have managed in the past.
Definitely going to have chat with DH about how to share out household tasks...and hire a cleaner!!!!

Thank you smile

MarjorieAntrobus Fri 04-Oct-13 09:38:08

Yes, get a cleaner. It neutralises the fighting over housework.

cestlavielife Fri 04-Oct-13 09:58:07

definitely get a cleaner.
set up online shopping so its click "same order" for basics each week.

HoopHopes Fri 04-Oct-13 23:31:16

I love my balance( most of the time ) now of work and mother. I did not use enough settling in days so took my ds a while to accept nursery but nurseries are used to it!! And although it took time to settle ds loves it now. Just like it takes them time to settle into a school,etc.

If you can be organised I would recommend:
- online shops and meal planning
- stock freezer with healthy food that does not take ages to cook or batch cook and freeze!
- I always cook a meal to last two night to help
- cook and freeze lots of what your dc will eat so when come in from work and they need food straight away it is there, ready to heat up
- a cleaner if can afford
- Pilates. Even if do different class each week and keep ds in a crèche at a gym etc. time for you is important esp when at work.

HoopHopes Fri 04-Oct-13 23:34:35

Oh and I use a family calendar planner thing and each week sit down with my dp and discuss who doing drop off and pick ups each day for childcare, what is on that week etc. who taking ds to appointments etc. all out in Dp's phone and then major tasks are shared - if it is a day we both work dp does not come home to find food cooked as I am often in after him!!! Took time to negotiate as dp got used to me doing it all. Communication was key after me being distressed.

After a while hopefully you will feel you have that part of your brain back and more balance in the house!!!

yawninglass Sat 05-Oct-13 14:24:14

Thanks so much for all your tips/advice. I definitely need to freeze more meals so they are ready to go.
My main problem with that is my DH who usually ends up finishing the whole dish when it's meant to be for two nights!!! I will have to ration his portions I think!!

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