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anxiety, worry, feel all wrong inside

(28 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 13:31:55

I feel odd. Is this stress? Depression? Something else ? Never felt this way before not without an identified reason and way to fix it, not prolonged.

I feel tearful, wobbly pit on my stomach, I can feelings are wrong but everyttime I think I am about to grasp the reason it evades me. I am worried about everything and feel guilty but not about anything, or, about everything. It follows me in everything I do and think.

I mean things are not perfect but they have been worse in my life.

I just want to sleep and cry, it all feels do hard.

What the check is wrong?!

sicily1921 Fri 04-Oct-13 19:10:24

Hello again Pavlov I am glad you have given yourself something to look forward to, do you live near the sea then? And it was good to hear about DD enjoying herself, she sounds a sweetie.

You thoughts and moods I can totally sympathise with as you sound a lot like me, generally very anxious and 'lost' at times. You sound like you have coped with/are coping with a lot and coping well on the whole but sometimes something has to give. I am not surprised you feel so horrible. Can you talk to anyone, do you manage to talk to DH much about it or anyone else. Is it communication that has broken down, I know it does with me and my DH at times. It is hard when you are both under the same pressures, you perhaps don't want to offload on each other too much? Have you got a decent GP who you could chat to? I went to my GP a few months ago, I lost my mum this year, family dynamics have altered and I was worried about my DCs 14yr and 11yr who are decent kids but do not have many friends so she referred me for counselling ( still waiting!) but I felt better just for seeing her and getting ball rolling. I also spoke to someone at the local church, they have non clerical people who are just trained to come and chat to people, not about religion in particular, anything. You sound like you could with some off loading of all the shit you have put up with recently.

I understand what you mean about worrying your children but as long as you love them they are always going to be your joy and it is good that they know that! If you do some things for yourself like the beach and the gym, any other hobbies, reading etc let them see that you are doing other stuff that makes you happy, even if sometimes you have to put on a bit of a brave face.

Blimey I have gone on a bit here, there's probably people on here with more helpful advice than me too but I wanted to post to you because I can recognise in me a lot of what you are going through.

I hope the beach trip is good. What films do you like? And aren't I nosey? winksmile

PavlovtheCat Sat 05-Oct-13 10:43:52

WOW! Cobwebs cleared. I mean, I wish it were that easy as I got the pit of anxiety on the way home a little, and also hugely this morning. I just took myself back to the beach yesterday and it helped. I want to go again!

So. Due to my back problem, I have not been able to bodyboard or kayak or do real proper sea swimming for a long time (over two years, although dunk in the sea as much as I can). sicily yes I live near the sea, about 20 mins drive away from a beach, 5 mins or 15 mins walk to a harbour). It was rough out there! The sun was out, with a hint of grey in the distance, and the tide was turning, so the children could only be in it for a while as I couldn't hold them both. So, after they jumped and fell a few times they made sandcastles with daddy and I went out with the bodyboard and caught some waves out back! with the actual bodyboarders and surfers - 2-3ft waves! fucking awesome! At one point, the sun shone right in my face, bright autumn sun, as the surf died down a little and I bobbed with others a little out to sea, waiting for the next group of huge waves and I felt good for the first time in ages, I felt right again.

I think I now know part of the problem...I am doing nothing for me. I love my family very much, but there is nothing left for me, other than the gym, but that is more medicinal than anything (physio based) although I do enjoy it.

sicily my Gp, well both of them, are actually really good. I have gone through ups and downs and they were amazing, with my mum passing (a while ago now) they let me cry and talk, with my back problem over the last 2 years I have been in floods of tears, a lot and they have listened. And, funnily, talking here, it is helping, I don't feel like I am losing the plot so much now and it feels good to just get the words down.

And what films do I like? I am not even sure. I just don't enjoy television, films etc any more as I am always so tired and find it all a bit boring. I think I have sort of been forced into tv watching while having a bad back, it stopped being fun., But, I like psychological films, films with a twist, french romantic films, cult films that are not hollywoody. We didn't watch a film last night, we just watched tv, but we don't do that so often anymore, so we ate pizza and salad and drank some wine, after having a bubble bath.

sicily1921 Sat 05-Oct-13 15:58:38

Oh glad you had a good time, I would looooovvve to live near the sea, one of my fave films is 'Rebecca', (the Joan Fontaine one) I want her bedroom! If you've seen it you'll know what I mean 'the sea the sea....'

I think that even though you said your mum passed a while ago it can still seem like an open wound at times. That's how it's been for me. you think you're healing then BANG something takes the dressing off and you're raw again. Perhaps go back and see them and can they refer you to anyone else more specialised?

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