Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.
Generally feeling hassled, harrassed by my children. lonely, bored(30 Posts)
My husband works long hours and has been at work all weekend. OI feel like I've spent the whole time doing nothig but picking crap up off the floor, hoovering, putting cushions back on the chairs, putting lids on pens, picking up tiny bits of scissored paper, making drinks, changing dvds and cooking.
And I turn around an my house still looks like crap. Does everyone feel like this?
i got to a 'fuck it' point. I dont know if everyone else gets there, but my mental health was really suffering, my DH worked nights when my 3 (under 5) were little.
So i just mentally let myself have room. So what if its messy, why tidy up 15 times a day, let it be - and them get the kids to do the tidying - in that ribbush way that kids do, and then spend a small amount of time once tidying up per day.
Also crafty things were put away in a box in a high up place, no crayons, pens, scissors, paper, glitter plastecine were allowed out unless supervised. which meant that i had to be in the frame of mine to do the activity AND the tidy up
Oh yes! You have just described an average day for me. It's relentless. When I get to the point your at I know its time to make plans for me.
You need some time for you. Get your dh to do bedtime and you open the wine and listen to the carnage knowing its all his problem
THansk guys - both your answers have really helped. I sometimes find it's so relentless - i know we all feel it but perhaps I'm just hating it more after 7 days straight of childcare. I think it's made worse by some colleagues coming for lunch tomorrow - want to show the place off a bit, make it seem nice. Difficult when there is felt tip pen all over the table, stains of some sort all over the beige carpet, spilled chocolate milk all over the sofa.
Plus I spend my entire day shouting - be nice, say please, say thank you, put the pen lids on, eat your food, sit down. Always shouting.
Just feel like a day off - no children to touch me or to hear at all would be lovely.
My dc are older now but that is how I used to feel. All our furniture was so old and crap and the house was being gradually refurbished so that no matter how hard I cleaned it never looked clean.
"Don't sweat the small stuff" is a great adage. I also finally started putting a really large blanket on the floor each day when the kids played with lego or k'nex or polly pockets or any bitty things and just lifted the 4 corners to make a bag at the end of the day and could then easily dump it all in a box - I stopped caring how much it all got mixed up.
I read a childcare book years ago that suggested just sweeping all the debris into an alcove or corner of the room at the end of the day to save picking it all up!
Snap with all previous posts.
I wound up with low self esteem and servile mindset due exactly to the relentless trailing about after, picking up after, clearing, cooking, ferrying about after my lot. Anxious to please my increasingly ungrateful and never satisfied dc, I was rock bottom in the pecking order.
I saw the light once when out walking with the family, dd continuously and subconsciously nudged me out the way when I was walking alongside DH. Absolute moment of clarity, they all viewed me as the hired help.
My dc are 9, 12 and 14 though so I accept that I've made a rod for my own back. And it's an uphill struggle to turn things around.
Lazy sods, my dc.
I feel the same most of the time, but especially after a few days of dh working away and being the sole child carer. It is relentless and I feel downtrodden and unappreciated. I tidy behind them and say the same things over and over.
oldest ds is starting to realise he needs to help more and can be prompted to tidy up after himself. toddler ds is just a walking mess.
I've just got my head down, trying to make it through to a time where it will hopefully be slightly easier!
Yep. Feel the same and been particularly bad today. Trekking kids to activities, dealing with meltdowns, washing, tidying, cleaning, cooking, sorting, supervising homework. I haven't even been able to go to the toilet without one of them asking something through the door, as clearly it just couldn't wait- grrrrr.
It gets to the point where you are fed up of hearing yourself and fed up of 'doing' for everyone else and nothing for yourself.
I know what you mean. It is relentless, isn't it?
Can you ask Dh for a full day off soon?
I've had a few hours break away from the children today and no work either. It was bliss. I didn't want to go home.
Don't know how old your children are but are you teaching them to tidy up? I started telling them they can't play with something until some other mess/toy has been tidied and we'd all help. They'll do it themselves now with a nudge or two.
Sounds like my normal week really. Unless dh there life is housework, childcare and repeatedly picking up and putting away. When my dc old enough they will have to learn to do some basic tidying I think!!
That is why I get out to as many baby groups as I can- some adult company even if all I do is smile at them and it is not my house to tidy!! Library is great place to spend a few hours I find!
For what it's worth, all my friends feel exactly the same. I can't even have my whilst cooking dinner as dd is out somewhere and will require a lift home at a time of her choosing.
There are days when the word 'mum' should be banned.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
THANK YOU THANK YOU wonderful mothers. Today seems to have been one of those days shared by many. Husband home now, upstairs doing the bath. The chaos I hear is raising my hackles, but not to fear, wine in hand and antiques roadshow about to start!
Here's to another week of servitude, semi-solitude and sniping - and another step closer to the kids understanding the meaning of tidyness and lie ins (mine are 4.3 and 1.9 years old).
Good luck y'all.
ALArkTHAT COULD - please put the plastic cutlery in the dishwasher. So what if it gets wrecked. Ikea, Asda, Tescos do such cheap stuff. Life really IS too short x
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
-whispers- im currently mumsnetting at the bottom of the garden in the wendy house. I needed to get away!
<marks place for future less crazied moment to be able to properly contribute>
I always put my salmon Luke stuff in the dishwasher and it's onto its second child now. Didn't even know you weren't supposed to. Bottom rack too. It's fine.
Everything goes in the bottom drawer now. Life's too short to worry about it.
There was a brilliant post a few months ago called something like 'does motherhood affect your mental health.' it got so long a second thread was started, it was all this stuff you're all saying and more. That thread was the best thing ever - my dd was 5/6 months then and I was edging back to work, I felt really low and overwhelmed (also have ds age 4).
There are no solutions or answers, suffice to say everyone feels the same way, if not all the time then some of the time, whether they are working or not.
The thread made me feel so much better.
There was talk of it being moved so it could be saved but it's fallen off my threads I'm on so I can't find it anymore . But maybe someone from the old thread will see it and show is where it is. I recommend reading it.
Also recommend, triple recommend, reading the book what mothers do.
I this book.
Again it gives no answers, just validation, and makes you realise you are not alone!
Thank you Mac. Funny how it always seems every other mother copes effortlessly whilst your day spirals out of control
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I get antsy if I haven't emptied the DW or put the WM on every morning. I think it's part of the keeping busy routine. Being at home all the time it's easy to create your own routine and rituals and then have the need to stick to them. Things start falling apart for me if I'm home all day. Worst thing I can do is sit down and watch tv/surf the net whilst the children go crazy around me. Then when teats arrives I feel I've wasted a day.
I am also at that point, it is a constant hamster wheel of entertaining a little one and trying to clean up. What is very difficult for me is that since the pregnancy, (my dd is 1year old now), I cannot enjoy alcohol, it just makes me feel sick. One of my life's greatest pleasures, a glass of red, a wee whisky, gone. Replaced by cake and general irritation. I enjoyed my baby up to about eight months immensely, I wanted to be with her all the time. Tis a different ball game now that she is almost a toddler.
This is my life 24 7. Single mum to four dc one with special needs. At least you have dp or dh to occasionally give you a break. I have no one.
My self harm urge is coming back. I am a truly shit mother and all I do is rage at them. They are better of without me
Join the discussion
Please login first.