Need to build my life, where do I start???

[JamJarOfDaffs]

I have spent the best part of the last ten years "dealing with" the repercussions of severe abuse in childhood: police/ court proceedings (failed), taking practical steps (injunctions against threatening abusers, moving far away, changing name etc), mental health crisis (in the beginning, suicide attempts, then on and off depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks etc), counselling for years.

Its only relatively recently that I feel that the abuse issue is not the main thing in my life and I'm left almost wondering who I am/ what to do with my life.

I have achieved alot in my work life (I think I coped by being a workaholic, really, where others might have turned to drink/drugs). I have been consistently poor though. I'e started to wean myself off that as I realize I need time for me and the children.

I just feel I have no idea how to start building a "life" for myself having been just working/ surviving/ dealing with crisis for so long. I feel almost like a teenager who needs to define who she is, because during my teenage years I was abused and haven't had much time out to "be me" since then...

If anyone has any ideas of how I can start to "build myself up" please let me know. When people are chatting about sport, TV or pretty much anything else I never know how to contribute, I can count on one hand the number of times I have watched TV in the last ten years, I have been so preoccupied with counselling, self-help books etc and am totally out of the loop, I don't even know what I enjoy doing.

[HoopHopes]

It is so great to not be in the mental health and NHS cycle and to have time to concentrate on you and your family.

How about sitting down once a week and watching something on tv with your dp or children? See what they like and watch it so that you can see what you think and at the very least be able to talk with them about it. You could go to the library and ask the librarian to help choose you some books, maybe tell them you would like to start reading but do not know where to start.

I find it helpful to see what is available locally. So see what clubs and groups and courses near where you live. Then think about trying one. Lots of exercise classes about from salsa to yoga. Going to try things out will soon tell you what you like.

[JamJarOfDaffs]

Thank you HoopHopes, I really really appreciate someone replying!

I didn't have a childhood really and then so much adulthood taken up with dealing with childhood. I look at other adults around me who have clear hobbies, likes, dislikes etc and just don't know!

I don't have a DP - single mum here - but will start with TV and library! Almost feel excited :-)

[HoopHopes]

It is great you feel excited. Sorry about saying dp, I never quite know what to say!

For those of us who didn't really have childhoods it just means we have to make the most and best of what we do have. So enjoy it. I hope. Trying things out is great and if you do not like it you are learning!! Tv and library are great. I love reading :-)

On tv right now I a, enjoying the Great British Bake off. Light hearted and nice which is what I like right now!! On a tue if I remember right about 8pm.