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Feel like a failure

(13 Posts)
MrsBeep Fri 13-Sep-13 11:55:32

I feel like a failure.

I was doing so well, keeping it all together, then I get my diagnosis of MS and it just all falls apart.

I have a history of depression and anxiety, and up until this last week or two I have been coping very well. Keeping down my full time job, earning bonuses etc, having a good social life, but then I get this diagnosis (which has been hanging over my head for 2.5 years) and my head has just turned upside down. I've been having panic attacks (haven't had in around 2 years) and just feeling so stressed and anxious all the time. My doctor has now signed me off for another two weeks. I feel like a complete failure and I hope I have a job to go back to at the end of this.

NanaNina Fri 13-Sep-13 12:12:15

Sorry I don't know very much about MS but think you can be in remission for years without any symptoms ? and that stress and doing too much can make it worse?

YOU are not a failure - you have an illness. I too have a history of depression and anxiety and that makes me feel ashamed even though I know there's no reason to feel like that. It's just the people who have never had mental illness have no idea what a torment it is.

Rest up during these 2 weeks and be kind to yourself.

MrsBeep Fri 13-Sep-13 17:08:19

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. I will try and be kind to myself, just I can be a bit of a task master on myself and push myself to consistently achieve.

MrsBeep Fri 13-Sep-13 23:35:43

Has anyone else felt like this?

MrsBeep Sat 14-Sep-13 14:43:09

Now I've had an accident in my car, all my fault. Feel like even more of a failure. What is the point of me?!

MrsBeep Sat 14-Sep-13 20:52:17

Is no one reading? I'm really struggling. sad

filee777 Sat 14-Sep-13 20:53:15

I'm reading. You are stronger than you know

MrsBeep Sat 14-Sep-13 21:11:51

Oh thank you so much for replying. I've already spoken to those in RL, but I just need some anonymous support. I just feel everything is going to fall apart, like I am. I want to be able to go back to work in 2 weeks and hope I am able to cope, but then I know I have a capability hearing to go to due to levels if sickness. I am good at the job, very good, always exceeding target, I'm just unwell right now and trying to cope with my diagnosis. I really hope they understand, my job means so much to me.

Then today I go and smash my car into a bollard and it will probably cost around £600+ to fix, and I won't be getting any pay for the time I've had off sick, so that's just not helpful right now!(not that pranging a car is ever any help).

filee777 Sat 14-Sep-13 21:40:49

Things always test you don't they, I managed to mess up someone at works medication yesterday after a very stressful week, it is exactly the last thing I need.

Just look at it as getting all the shitty things out of the way so you can recover.

Have you spoken to your dr about your fears? About how you feel about working? Maybe they can support you in some way?

Sorry for the delay in replying, I had a quick bath but I'm here for a while now x x

MrsBeep Sun 15-Sep-13 15:45:52

Work know everything that is going on so I hope when I return I can get the support I need. I'll need a note from my doc to say I'm fit for work, but then she may put a stipulation on there of reduced hours or amended duties (I currently work on the phones for a medical insurance company and it can be very stressful). I want to work, its an important part of my life.

Through work I've managed to get some counselling this week, so I'm hoping getting it all out to someone impartial might help.

Thank you again for listening/reading. I didn't come back on last night as I took a Valium and fell asleep.

filee777 Sun 15-Sep-13 17:47:23

It's great that you got some sleep, no need to apologise.

Sounds like you've done well to get the support in place you need to continue working.

You seem very strong and aware, many people don't even need a hurdle to fall at but you are really taking whSt you can from life.

I hope your feeling better today?

HoopHopes Sun 15-Sep-13 18:51:48

Sorry to hear your diagnosis. And regarding the car, can you claim in insurance if you have protected no claims etc. may be cheaper even if excess had to be paid.

When I had time off work a few years ago I had a fit note with altered hours etc. ultimately I had to go part time as my absence rate was too high but part time helped me manage everything and still able to work. So hope your meetings and occupational health or go useful!!

MrsBeep Sun 15-Sep-13 23:20:09

Thanks both. Not really feeling better today, but got out the house to a local craft fair to distract self.

No point claiming on insurance for car as I am a new driver with no NCD.

On work, I am waiting to hear back from oc health - they have been trying to contact me for 2 weeks...each time they leave a message, then I call back and they say they'll call back, but they don't.

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