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Managing depression without meds

(106 Posts)
katsh Wed 11-Sep-13 10:14:11

I had depression about 10 yrs ago and had fluoxatine which was great but side effects going on it were terrible. Recently hit with another bout of reactive depression. I've been to the GP and she's referred to a mental health team so hopefully I'll see someone soon for some talking therapy as that really helped last time. It's moderate to severe, but I don't want to go on meds as I can't face the side effects and feel I've enough to cope with at the moment. Am I being really ridiculous? Currently feeling exhausted, detached and sad, but managing basic functioning day to day. Your thoughts please?

ZutAlorsDidier Mon 23-Sep-13 14:35:53

hi Buffy! Sorry to hear about everything going on for you this year.
Glad you have your manager on side.
Let us know how it all goes.

Morning all, hope you are all OK this morning?

ZutAlorsDidier Tue 24-Sep-13 10:18:37

Morning, Buffy.
I think I have YET ANOTHER cold coming on.
Also, have dropped badly off the low-carbing and am getting visibly fatter.

The problem is, I really am dominated by a physical appetite that, if satisfied, will make me fat. If I try really really hard to low-low-low carb, I will eventually (after a lot of stress and headaches and a few melt-downs) reach a point where I can manage on an amount of food that does not make me fat. But it has to be rigidly policed and I have to make everything I eat. I can never just pick something up. If I eat anything carby at all - the odd plum, even - I am so physically hungry (I keep saying "physical" to distinguish from other kinds of wanting to eat, though I know all those very well too) that if I eat enough to feel ok and functional, I will put on weight to a level that is not attractive or healthy.

I am a bit disheartened about it all. About a week ago when I got serious about not drinking and decided to go to AA I decided to cut myself some slack with food. Since then I have been eating 3 large meals a day, drinking lots of water, and feel so much more cheerful than when I am hungry all the time. BUT I am visibly, scarily growing!
I have so much enjoyed eating all the seasonal fruit. but I can't have it, can I. I have to put a stop to this.

SPD still troubling me too - was very bad yesterday - and my youngest is 2 and a half. It is such an almighty faff to get help. Yesterday I was limping and in pain. I have no choice I have to do this.

I have a friend with crohn's disease, really this is all nothing. to expect to be well is a privilege. But it seems like for me to be well is such a cranky uphill struggle. Don't eat this, don't drink that, make every damn piece of food I eat, fight fight fight to see a physio... ARGH I am so over it all, I just want to eat a sandwich and get on with my life like everyone else

sorry about all that horrific whining.

How are you Buffy?

Salbertina Tue 24-Sep-13 10:33:50

Zut, feel your pain hmm have you looked into 5:2? Works for many- eat what you like 5 days (within some reason) and "fast" on 500 cals 2x a week.

Oh Zut I am sorry that you are fighting on so many fronts at once. Could you cut yourself some slack and deal with one problem at a time? As long as you are eating healthily and it's improving your mood, could you agree with yourself that you will deal with losing weight once you've got the SPD sorted and the drinking where you want it?

One thing at a time and your wellbeing being the most important thing.

Hi Salbertina and Buffy. Good to see you both here.

Like you Buffy I feel I need to acknowledge that depression is an aspect of my life which I need to recognise and do something about, and not just try to ignore!
Have been getting out for a walk more often which is always somewhat uplifting, and a recent thread on here about happiness (Are you happy with your life?) was very interesting and good, and helped me get a better perspective on things
- Your manager sounds helpful and supportive so that's good ?

Salbertina - we've met elsewhere haven't we and I always enjoy your posts. I thought the thankfulness thread was very good and helpful, are you still posting on that?

Hello everyone. I am struggling at the moment. I came off Citalopram in the summer, and was doing OK, but since a rather stressful holiday with my mum and sister, I am back in the black place again.

I really don't want to go back onto the tablets again - and at the moment, I am surviving - but it is honestly not much more than that.

Part of my 'just surviving' is that I lack the motivation to do the things that might actually help me - like taking the supplements, and things like St Johns Wort - so this is a really timely thread for me, and I shall be taking the advice on here.

I did manage to make myself go to the gym today - I was doing really well over the summer (3 times a week, and actually losing some of the huge amount of weight I need to lose), but the holiday, and a couple of injuries stopped me going, and now I am really having to force myself to go at all, let alone as much as I was before.

Has anyone used any of the self help books - on CBT, or the mindful way through depression, and have they helped?

ZutAlorsDidier Tue 24-Sep-13 12:33:25

Hi SDTG, hi Juggling, hi Salbertina. Salbertina - have often thought 5:2 might be right for me - just need to find a way to cope with fast days.

SDTG - I have this:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

I have never made it past chapter 2! you are supposed to do 2 guided meditations a day and do a chapter a week. If you miss more than one or two, you should go back to chapter 1. I have done chapter 1 about 6 times!
I do like it. Good reminder. I don't know what sort of a blissed out person I would be if I got to the end...

It's the chicken/egg thing again, if I were all motivated and organised I wouldn't be depressed. I am using my commute (my only down time) to read novels at the moment. If I put them away and did this instead, I would feel I was losing my "treat" - although this is a treat too, it can feel lovely.. but somehow I can't remember that when I just want to read my book.

Maybe I will go off to the 5:2 pages and find some good inspiring low cal recipes.

Yes to "If I were all motivated and organised I wouldn't be depressed" Zut grin
I've bought books on organisation for ADDers (attention deficit) and sure it's full of good suggestions for getting organised - lists and labelled containers and such like - but it's getting yourself to that point that's really the trouble isn't it?!
Sometimes maybe you just have to see the humour in it all, if you can.
I think spotting humour in things is quite a good thing ?
Even if you don't roll on the floor laughing smile

Salbertina Tue 24-Sep-13 13:21:08

Zut- what a coincidence, theres a support threaad on here for that v book! Join us? We're only on week 1 anyway
Re 5:2, why not just commit to trying 1 day, see how you do, no biggie, nothing final, just that 1 day of 500 cals when you can tell yourself whatever you're tempted to eat that day you CAN eat the following one? If it works for you, do it again. If not, no harm done. Loads of MN support to see u through a fast day

ZutAlorsDidier Tue 24-Sep-13 14:35:18

Oh gosh Salbertina, you are like a personal cheer leader, or a coach, I love it. Thank you I will look into these things

ZutAlorsDidier Tue 24-Sep-13 15:14:19

erm Salbertina, do you mind me asking for a link to the mindfulness thread?

Salbertina Tue 24-Sep-13 16:37:09

On phone so cant link but its a recent mh thread with postings as recent as yesterday.

ZutAlorsDidier Wed 25-Sep-13 09:26:10

Good morning all. How is everyone?

today I will:

go to a meeting
not drink
Not lose my rag when doing bathtime / bedtime
Go to bed early
DO SOME WORK

Hi Zut smile
Just thinking what I might do ...

Am going to a (Quaker) meeting this evening, and went round to a friend's yesterday evening, so those things make life more interesting

Have a couple of things to do, but not much planned as yet ....

All the best with your day.

Mine never had a bath every day BTW - have you ever thought of doing every other night for example ? DS(11) enjoys a nice shower these days

Salbertina Wed 25-Sep-13 10:13:07

Morning!
Today i will:

Work -specifically complete 1 project draft by day's end
Meditate
Be patient with kids (sch hols here)

You all sound so busy and organised !

Right, plan of action .....

Morning. Today I have:

Taken St John's Wort
Eaten six chocolate biscuits for breakfast (bad Buffy)
Spent too long faffing on mumsnet (bad Buffy)

Now I will do some writing on a topic that interests me, without stopping every few minutes to look at MN.

Byeeeeeeee!

<peeps back in just to check>

No, really now smile

ZutAlorsDidier Wed 25-Sep-13 14:54:03

Hope everyone is ok?

Juggling - I don't know why they get so filthy but they do - one of them had blue paint on her face yesterday. If I can get away without a bath I will! Or just put them in the shower and shut the door till they voluntarily come out (could be a while though - they love the shower)

I have been to a meeting and found it really energising - it is so calming to go to a place where there is NO bullshit. Just for an hour

Have a good afternoon everyone

Not feeling so great this evening sad

Found it difficult to concentrate on work today and I haven't eaten well at all. It seems that all DH can do, I mean the only topic of conversation for him is how tired he is, how he's worried about money, etc etc.

Got a fairly innocent email from work, which could mean anything at all. I think it was meant as a reassuring update that something that has been stressing me out is being sorted. But it set my heart pounding and I haven't felt OK since.

I wish I just felt normal.

I need to make sure I eat better, don't I? That's probably a big reason for this mega slump.

ZutAlorsDidier Wed 25-Sep-13 21:03:26

God Buffy it is such a pain in the arse feeling so fragile all the fucking time, isn't it. Try to eat something and feel better. take some deep breaths.

I was thinking today - it is so so so goddamn boring always worrying about whether I am going to cope, physically or mentally or emotionally or whatever. I feel always on the edge of some complicated algorithm where what I eat to get me through the next half hour might be the carbs that make me feel utterly shit for the 2 hours after, or something, so don't eat them, but then what do you eat, because right now you have to eat something, so AAAAARGH why can't I just be normal? Maybe this is normal. At least it is a while since I have been in danger of crying at work.

Everything - EVERYTHING - has the power to tip me over the edge. Right now AGAIN I can't find my phone work charger and I am pretty sure someone has moved it and it DEMENTS me that I have to PHYSICALLY HIDE things that I need and if I don't, I won't have them, and I just don't have the energy to do the basic things I need to do let alone scurry about covering my tracks like an addict, or something and AAAAAAAAAAAGH. Either dp decided to take it because I stupidly left it in plain view, plugged in in the sitting room, or... no, that is the only thing.

And I never learn. I had it the Friday before last, I haven't seen it since, the longer I leave it without DEMANDING that it be found the more buried it is going to be and yet for DAYS I have not been confronting this thinking "maybe I left it downstairs" when I am upstairs and "maybe I left it upstairs" when I am downstairs because it is such a PALAVER facing the reality of the matter that it has been taken or moved or lost, and we had a huge row about exactly this a few weeks ago, and now I am home alone, for once I have turned the house upside down and IT IS NOWHERE I COULD HAVE PUT IT and GOD KNOWS WHAT I WILL HAVE TO DO and what kind of bad feeling I will have to cause to get it back and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

And the fucking door. He does it all the time (at least this time it was not standing open) I have this awful feeling that one day I am going to get home and we will have been properly burgled and the insurance won't be valid and I will just say enough, and ltb. I am sick and tired of talking about things like this. The day someone takes all our stuff I think I will just give up and set up on my own.
tbh the way I feel now I feel like I could ltb over a phone charger

Salbertina Wed 25-Sep-13 21:15:35

{http://www.purposefairy.com/66208/how-to-begin-rebuilding-your-life-and-make-it-ridiculously-amazing/}

It really is the small things that break us, isn't it? I feel the same about just not having the energy to do the things that I know will make things better. Do the 'night before' stuff for school, tidy up a bit, eat properly. I've been falling back on bread based food because they are filling and easy, and now I have stomach pains that I knew I would get if I ate bread... It's just so frustrating that the power for everyipthing to be better is in our hands but we can't get over this invisible (yet huge) barrier. Am I making sense?

Salbertina Wed 25-Sep-13 21:20:24

http://www.purposefairy.com/66208/how-to-begin-rebuilding-your-life-and-make-it-ridiculously-amazing/

Bugger! Was truing to do active link from phone. Anyway, address above, this just pinged into my mailbox and while ever so slightly annoyingly ra-ra American positive vibe earnest,
it does contain some real gems. If it helps in some way, all to the good.

As i regularly seem to say on here, my words of comfort to myself are: "i am not my thoughts". They're all fleeting, even the worst ones. I try to notice them and let them pass. Doesn't always work but i do try!

ZutAlorsDidier Wed 25-Sep-13 21:24:05

Thanks Buffy, thanks Salbertina
Feel better for ranting

Hope you feel better soon Buffy
x

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