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Just been diagnosed with bipolar. Feel utterly grim about it all

(184 Posts)
LeGavrOrf Wed 14-Aug-13 18:23:10

Bipolar and elements of PTSD apparently.

Have been off work for 8 weeks and initially diagnosed by the GP as depressed, am on 225mg of venlafaxine which hasn't worked at all. Last week saw CPN and now have been given quietapine to take as well, 25mg.

I feel so low and have had suicidal thoughts mixed with feeling very down, and then other days where I am dashing about feeling as if I have had 20 double espressos.

I am just so down at having bipolar and worried about work and what this all means, I have also looked on the Internet and seen that 25mg of quietapine is a very small dose and should have a higher dose, I haven't been told to increase this at all. Plus I haven't seen a psychiatrist at all. Is it normal just to see a psychiatric nurse? I am seeing her again tomorrow, she is coming to my house as when I spoke to her yesterday I was so low and worried.

It's just a bloody horrible thing to come to terms with.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Mon 19-Aug-13 23:54:58

Jesus.

Yeah, what kate said.

Seriously, that's a stupid amount of work and stress. Your managers fucked up.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Mon 19-Aug-13 23:59:16

Oh ... I've just noticed you're in Gloucester. I'm driving from Malvern to Oxford on Sunday with DH, which goes past there. You may well feel you will have MNers coming out of your ears soon, though.

DollyTwat Tue 20-Aug-13 00:13:28

Can you see now that you couldn't possibly keep this up forever. Your work have a lot to answer for imo

No-one could do all that, and care for a dd, and still be standing. No-one. The fact you did for so long is a miracle

You've been so busy for so long that being relaxed isn't going to be easy either. You are so loved here on Mn and in rl too, you must take it easy and take the time you need

Shaky Tue 20-Aug-13 00:50:58

Blimey Get Orf no wonder you are feeling shite after dealing with that amount of stress. It sounds like you are completely burnt out. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and hope that your new meds start to help you very soon.
It is very possible that your medication does no agree will you. If I may share my experience with you? I suffered crippling PTSD and PND after the birth of my ds. I didn't admit the problem until he was 1. Went to see GP and started paroxetine. Stayed on it for a year and gradually weaned of it. Then 6 months later realised I was struggling again and went back to GP. He advised restarting paroxetine, we wanted another baby and I knew paroxetine is difficult to stop and not ideal to take in pregnancy. I started Prozac. I felt absolutely dreadful for weeks, knackered, nauseous, dizzy, disorientated and feelin like I had to hold my head on otherwise it would fall off. I went back to gp and asked to change my medication as I felt so dreadful. The options were, to wean off the Prozac over 6 weeks and then start something lose OR double the dose of Prozac, hich would work quicker.

Again, I felt dreadful due to the double dose of Prozac. I could hardly move, it completely flattened me, however, I did eventually start to feel better and went back to work. Unfortunately, I started drinking too much and this was noted by a work collueague and when questioned about it I admitted that I was it stopped me killing myself and I had started to self harm. I had cut my stomach with scissors, pinching the skin to make a snip and cutting long it. Picking my toenails so badly that I completely pulled off 2 nails, leaving exposed nail beds, fucking excruiciating lay painful the next day.

Anyway, on that awful day my boss made me make an appointment with my GP and actually dropped everything and came with me. I had to be very honest and was completely cringing at what I had done, totally mortified. The doctor changed my meds to mirtazipine, I had to take half dose o Prozac and mirtazipine or the first week and just full dose of mirtazipine for the second week.

As soon as I stopped the Prozac, I was a new woman. I felt alive or the first time in 3 years. I had lost 3 stone in weight and was wearing size 8 jeans, whereas I was a good size 14 before pregnancy. Now I feel normal again, like I have just woken from a coma. I realise now that the reason I felt "better" before was just the lessening of side effects of Prozac rather than an improvement in my health. I no longer have the suicidal thoughts and urges but still pick my toenails. I didn't tell any of my family about my recent episode (except DP) but all my family and friends have commented how much better I seem. Have also put on loads of weight but I would rather be chubby and healthy than skinny and considering diving my car into a wall.

I'm sorry for the epic post, I just wanted to share the impact that the wrong medication can have. Also apologies for crap spelling and any other errors.
I really hope you start to feel better soon. Talking really is the key, nobody knows how you feel until you tell them. We are all here for you xxx

Shaky fat 'n happy honey, that's me. I have gained about 50 lbs (3 stone I think) since I went on my meds. At least I blame my meds and not all the medicinal chocolate.

GetOrf you are insane. Christ on a bike, I used to have a ridiculous City job etc and twas not a quarter as stressful as what you described.

Keep a little eye on the not sleeping - for me that is a clear sign of the start of a manic episode. But could hopefully equally be a sign of you getting used to the quetiapine.

How were the fajitas? smile

MinnieBar Tue 20-Aug-13 07:52:35

Jeez GetOrf, no wonder your work have been supportive - they bloody well know that they are (to a large extent) responsible angry

It's utterly ridiculous to expect any one person to do that much. My friend is a lawyer in a big city firm and she doesn't work that hard (and she regularly gets ill when it gets too much - more physically, but also v v stressed).

So combine that with the stuff about your DD, and yes, it's no wonder your mind/body has decided enough is enough.

BIWI Tue 20-Aug-13 08:42:21

I ended up in hospital after a period of incredible stress and long-working hours. My work knew how much I was taking on/how much responsibility I was dealing with, and nothing was done until I fell apart.

I was 28. And not working in the City, but in a small marketing consultancy.

Thankfully it didn't trigger any long-term issues (I don't think - you may need to check with DH about that grin) but it really was a wake-up call for me that no-one else was going to look out for me, sadly. No matter now much concern was expressed for me at work.

My point is that you have taken on so much, for other people, that you have lost sight of you and what you need. On top of your personal circumstances, which have added stress to your life, it's not surprising that things have gone awry for you.

Whatever your immediate/short-term plans are re work (and I still think you should take a gap year!), please make sure that you think through how you are going to go back, and what you are going back to. Hopefully your HR team will have been talking to you about this as well? If not, you need to sit down and discuss this with them. You simply can't return to such a ridiculous workload. Whilst it sounds like they are being very sympathetic now, they certainly weren't before - anyone with half a brain would have realised that you were under intolerable pressure.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 20-Aug-13 10:53:18

Holy crap GetOrf, no wonder!

That's a bonkers way to run a business. Damn right they should be being supportive. They dropped the ball big time there and they know it.

They broke you angry. The utter bastards angry angry

You will be ok though. Honestly you will. You rock remember thanks

RegainingUnconsciousness Wed 21-Aug-13 13:05:00

Hey LeGavr

Just popped in to say hello and see how you are.

A friend of mine had 6 months off with depression earlier this year. It takes time to heal.

We discovered there's not much in the way of "sorry you're mental" cards, I've got an idea for one but I'm about as artistic as a slug.

Anyway - hello, and how are you?

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