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Just been diagnosed with bipolar. Feel utterly grim about it all

(184 Posts)
LeGavrOrf Wed 14-Aug-13 18:23:10

Bipolar and elements of PTSD apparently.

Have been off work for 8 weeks and initially diagnosed by the GP as depressed, am on 225mg of venlafaxine which hasn't worked at all. Last week saw CPN and now have been given quietapine to take as well, 25mg.

I feel so low and have had suicidal thoughts mixed with feeling very down, and then other days where I am dashing about feeling as if I have had 20 double espressos.

I am just so down at having bipolar and worried about work and what this all means, I have also looked on the Internet and seen that 25mg of quietapine is a very small dose and should have a higher dose, I haven't been told to increase this at all. Plus I haven't seen a psychiatrist at all. Is it normal just to see a psychiatric nurse? I am seeing her again tomorrow, she is coming to my house as when I spoke to her yesterday I was so low and worried.

It's just a bloody horrible thing to come to terms with.

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 20:55:28

Oh BOF sad I'm bloody crying now. And now I am one of those mumsnet twats who says on threads that they are shaking and crying grin

I was supposed to come to yours this weekend to get royally pissed as well! I was so looking forward to it as well.

I think you have a massive point about dd growing up. My entire adult life has been spent as a mother to her. And she is now nearly 18. And what is the point of me then? I have a job and other interests etc but in the main it has just been me and her. I looked at her last week and thought that at her age I was about to give birth. As I think about how CRAP I have been sometimes, how I have been distracted with work, when I have snapped at her for losing all the teaspoons, haven't listened to her because my mind was elsewhere. I just want to go back and do it all again but do it PROPERLY.

Thanks so much xx

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 20:56:13

Look at me now putting xxx on my posts.

Lol at so there!

I may as well go the whole hog and call you all Hun xxxx

piratecat Thu 15-Aug-13 20:58:25

can understand you must feel so shocked and sad about it. I hope you get to see the right doc soon.
It's very (understatement) to get a grip with it all and carry on. I am waiting to be diagnosed too, after a bit of a spiral.

xx

BOF Thu 15-Aug-13 20:58:33

(((((((soft hugs))))))))

grin

BIWI Thu 15-Aug-13 21:00:15

Fuck off with the hunning.

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:00:16

But I want FIRM hugs <OO Err missus> grin

BIWI Thu 15-Aug-13 21:00:25

<said softly and gently>

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:00:34

Hahaha biwi

piratecat Thu 15-Aug-13 21:00:54

bless you. my spiral has also come about from seemingly having a mid life who am i crisis this yr, like you all i have done is be a single mum for 10 yrs.
I suddenly thought, what happens now, as she is about to start secondary, and it felt too much.

I am very sure you will get there. x

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Thu 15-Aug-13 21:01:17

<feathery strokes>

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:02:13

I love that on mumsnet fuck off is said with kindness grin

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:03:14

Perhaps it is a mid life crisis.

I should buy a Porsche, a leather jacket and go and chat up whippersnappers in cocktail bars.

Actually that sounds fantastic. grin

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Thu 15-Aug-13 21:03:35

I will say, getorf, your DD is going to need you for a heck of a lot longer yet. I know that's not an answer to you feeling as if that's 'who you are' - but you've still got the bits to come where she gets soppy with you looking back, and tells you how lovely you were (honestly, she will ...), and when she has her own and needs you around to tell her it's going to be ok.

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:06:03

Thank you all again.

lissieloo Thu 15-Aug-13 21:09:01

Ooooh, you should def do that!! My friend's mum had a mid-life crisis. She bought an MG and picked her up from school in a red leather catsuit. She was fabulous!

MinnieBar Thu 15-Aug-13 21:09:14

You could shop around a bit with therapists - you don't have to stick with the first one you try. It's really important to feel safe and secure, especially if you're going to go back over long-hidden (with good reason) and painful stuff.

I don't think we're on hugging terms (awkward or other), but I'm shoving a virtual box of balm-coated tissues in your general direction…

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:11:47

I used to have a red MG! It was a bitch to drive, clutch really sensitive and I stalled it all the time. Which was embarrassing at traffic lights when you are there looking like a twat with convertible hair all over the place.

And then the gasket blew on the M5 and I had to sit on the hard shoulder with a mini skirt on.

Lol at the balm coated tissues.

BIWI Thu 15-Aug-13 21:12:22

Maybe you should have a gap year? Reclaim a bit of your youth back?

lissieloo Thu 15-Aug-13 21:13:10

BIWI, that's a great idea!

MinnieBar Thu 15-Aug-13 21:21:10

Was it like that scene in Bridget Jones when she loses her scarf and her hair is like a bird's nest by the time they get to their mini-break?

Balm tissues = essential therapy tool. Fact.

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:21:42

That would be fantastic. Dd and i have said for years that we would love to go inter railing around Eastern Europe.

I am worried about my job, but they have been really supportive (after being arseholes for 6 months).

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:23:01

Yes that is exactly what my hair was like grin

If you saw a blonde woman in Bristol driving a red MG looking like someone from Bananarama after a hairspray explosion that was me.

reelingintheyears Thu 15-Aug-13 21:24:36

A gap year?

What would I give for just one of them.

Get an old fashioned red mini instead, much nicer. grin

MinnieBar Thu 15-Aug-13 21:29:34

Could you take some kind of unpaid sabbatical??

Bridget Jones is on ITV2 right now grin

LeGavrOrf Thu 15-Aug-13 21:32:07

Someone at work took a 3 month sabbatical to go travelling around China last year, so there is a precedent. It's the thought of not being paid though for 3 months, I would have to save like mad and I am an extravagant twat.

It would be lovely to plan something like that though for next year before bloody dd joins the bloody ARMY.

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