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I just did something (triggering)

(342 Posts)
Messupmum Fri 09-Aug-13 19:40:06

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

thornrose Sat 10-Aug-13 09:00:36

Well done, I hope you get the help you need flowers

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 11:06:35

I'm so scared and embarrassed. Did it again this morning. And fighting the urges so much, but I'm so ashamed about people knowing. I keep getting told to tell family everything but I'm finding that the hardest thing in the world.

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 11:13:31

You dont have anything to be embarrassed about.
What are you supposed to tell the family? Sometimes, from other threads I have read, telling family is one of the hardest things to do. Glad you are talking to a friend about it.

Is it the crisis team that are telling you to tell family? What time are they coming?

[sorry. dont want to bombard you with questions]

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 11:15:00

Have you been diganosed with post natal depression?

KrazyKurls Sat 10-Aug-13 11:32:22

Morning MM, hope things seem a better better in the daylight.

Have the crisis team visited yet, you can't tell them anything that would shock them or they haven't heard before.

You don't have to tell anyone anything at this time, just that you need some help - details can come when your feeling stronger.

You need to be honest with the crisis team.

Ligatures are very very dangerous (as I am sure you know) so it is important they know you are using them.

Apileofballyhoo Sat 10-Aug-13 11:36:41

It will pass, OP. It will get better. This feeling is not forever. It is an illness and it will pass.

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 13:39:49

I wouldnt say this if you were not so desperate. I am slightly wondering if the crisis team, or is it the cpn? is the best person for you, as in another cpn may suit you better?
Having been on the Mental Health boards a bit, it seems, as is perfectly likely to happen, that some cpns suit some people better than others.
Not sure what the answer to that one is though, if that is the case. Others on here might know.
And you may rightly think that now is not the best time to even be thinking about that.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 10-Aug-13 13:55:54

Thank you to everyone who reported this thread to us.

We're so sorry to hear you're not feeling well messedupmum. We'd like to echo what other's have said here, and hope that you get some support and help in real life soon. There are some resources here here that may be of some use flowers

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 14:20:28

The crisis team came, they stayed for quite a long time. My friend spoke to them and asked about admission, but they said they would rather support at home, and I can go to the day hospital.

I told them everything, but they seem to think I am responsible and able to make decisions.

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 14:49:44

Well done for being brave, and telling them verything. Have you been to day hospital before? Do you find day hospital helpful/useful?

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 16:08:47

So sorry this thread was reported, I didn't mean to be so much of a worry. I feel awful now, sorry sad

myroomisatip Sat 10-Aug-13 16:16:22

Hey. I am sure that there is no need to feel awful and apologise.

I very rarely visit this topic and yours is the only post I have read so far and I am glad you are still posting. Hope you are feeling better.

thornrose Sat 10-Aug-13 16:21:53

Oh no, don't feel awful. People were concerned about you, I know I was.

I'm just sorry I couldn't say anything remotely useful last night.

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 16:42:16

Its ok. No need to worry at all.
There isnt a problem about it. People may have reported because they are concerned about you.

HoopHopes Sat 10-Aug-13 18:40:34

Sounds encouraging they offering the day hospital as the day hospital will mean you can still see your dc but have support and activities in the day. If in patient I found the only activity was a shelf of books, a broken CD player and a tv so much less useful if you able to go to a day hospital.

ChippingInHopHopHop Sat 10-Aug-13 19:43:55

How are you doing this evening?

<<hug>>

You are your children's whole world - there is nothing more certain than that.

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 20:08:37

I'm just being a burden as usual, being indecisive and worrying everyone. Crisis team have rung, I feel so not myself and getting strong urges. Got to spend the night with someone keeping an eye on me, feel like a freak.

I don't know if I'd actually be better being in hospital right now, I'm beyond caring.

Caster8 Sat 10-Aug-13 20:18:02

People around you, and on here want you to get better. You are not a burden, nor a freak.
Cant remember the figure, but is it about 1 in 3 who will get some sort of mental illness at some point in their lives? Cant remember the exact figure, but it is high. And that goes across all spectrums, even including doctors.

I dont know about the hospital bit, I dont enough about it all to say.

Accentuatethepositive Sat 10-Aug-13 20:20:05

I feel hesitant to contribute to this thread as I am no expert on mental health, but I just wanted to say that you are not a burden or a freak, just a person who is having a very difficult time. You've done absolutely the right thing by asking for help, people want to help you so don't feel bad about accepting their offers.

I am thinking of you.

HoopersGinger Sat 10-Aug-13 20:47:39

You were really brave today. You are not a burden. You just need help and your friend keeping an eye on you will be so relieved to be with you and help keep you safe. I am sure you would feel the same if your situations were reversed.

ChippingInHopHopHop Sat 10-Aug-13 20:52:21

Who is going to stay with you?

How on earth are you being a burden? I hope you don't mean on here... what with all of us posting bollocks about bollocks on various threads, you are hardly disturbing a summit on world peace grin

I thought I was indecisive earlier - now I'm not so sure.

... no, not giving up my day job to be a stand up comic!

When you are feeling OK, what do you enjoy doing?

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 20:56:11

Somehow I've managed to convince people I'm with someone else, if that makes sense. Sitting doing nothing and the hours are going by with me realising it. I'm talking to people, being honest (to some) and blurting out things without really thinking.

I'm just typing really, trying to keep sane. Think I'm losing it, no one understands. They think I'm in control but I'm not. I don't want to ring the crisis team and get told off by them for being on my own. What a cock up!

Messupmum Sat 10-Aug-13 21:00:18

The hours are going by without me realising it, obviously. Think I'm going to be making a lot of mistakes in this state.

thornrose Sat 10-Aug-13 21:00:57

So you're actually alone tonight?

I bet your friend would be with you in a heartbeat. Could you ring someone to be with you?

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