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Please... I just have to get through today...

(28 Posts)
TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:16:15

That's it. I just have to get through today. Tomorrow I'll pull myself together and I'll do all the things that need doing. Tomorrow dp will be here, but I can't call him today, it's his stag do, and he deserves to have fun.

I can't stop crying. I'm so stressed. I'm hallucinating.

Tomorrow I'll start fighting again. But please help me get through today. I'm so nearly there.

elfycat Sun 14-Jul-13 20:23:27

I don't really have much to advise, but I'm here if you want to chat.

Have you suffered with hallucinations before? I can only imagine how terrifying that must be.

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:28:40

Hello elfy. Yes I have. Not since last year though. They only hit me when I'm really stressed. At the moment it's more the room going wobbly and swirly for a bit than anything more substantial. But I thought they were all behind me.

I've just got so much going on I think my brain's snapped.

juicyfruit21 Sun 14-Jul-13 20:30:55

I have been there. Alone home with kids, really stressed and finally seen hallucinations. I just did bare minimum and after kids went bed I watched an uplifting movie.

Good luck!

twentyten Sun 14-Jul-13 20:34:45

just hang on in there. get a bit of air if you can and breathe.Look at Headspace app-good to calm you down. Take it easy.

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:35:20

Thanks juicy. Anyone got any good jokes? Can't concentrate on a movie, my brain is all over the place. So many problems and things to sort and keep in mind. I've tried making lists but they just lead to more and more things. I don't think I can empty my head.

And i need to be together this week. I need to be focusing on how happy my future will be and not how shit my past has been, and how hard I'm going to have to fight to keep the dcs safe.

And i worry I'm hurting the baby with all this stress.

So many worries, and the more I worry, the more I worry about worrying.

elfycat Sun 14-Jul-13 20:35:20

I take it there's a wedding in your immediate future (subtle clues in your name and that DP is on HIS stag do). I got a bit frantic just before mine. Have you delegated your tasks away to other people? Is it too late to offload some of the pressure?

Have you eaten today, and had enough water to drink in the heat? May I suggest another glass of water would not go amiss?

I felt like my brain was snapping this time last year. I'd put too many things on my to do list and thought I'd be a failure if I didn't find time for it all. In my case it showed up as explosive temper which wasn't great for anyone.

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:35:48

Thanks 20-10. I'll find it

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:37:40

Elfy, how did you guess? smile

It's mostly sorted. Just managing other people's expectations now. It's only a small do.

elfycat Sun 14-Jul-13 20:44:35

Don't worry about other people! It's your day (and DH's too I guess).

Though I know what you mean about expectations. My ILs had expectations of the day which didn't fit with my vision. They tried sulking but I just considered it quiet time grin.

One thing I do when I'm stressed is go on a media blackout, no papers, TV news, radio, internet etc be careful not to wander into the wrong threads on MN as I find I can 'borrow' stress. I think a lot of people do. Is this something that might help you for the next few days?

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 20:47:36

Elfy i can give it a go. I think the pils will be incredibly polite, but very bemused. I'm more worried about my lot really. As lovely as they are dm is a stresser and will panic me. And I just can't take it right now.

elfycat Sun 14-Jul-13 20:57:03

Let your DP deal with his parents and any bemusement. Do you have a sibling or anyone else that can be on DM duty? Maybe drown her in a vat of rescue remedy?

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 21:11:49

Sil might be able to help. I like the vat idea.

Really wish we had eloped now.

elfycat Sun 14-Jul-13 21:55:00

I wanted to elope but BIL had already done that - badly. He let everyone know in advance they were getting married on their holiday, then threw a party with requests for Kuoni vouchers for their next holiday/honeymoon. They received 30 identical toasters from an irritated group of friends.

So we did the registry office for immediate family with a BBQ in my parent's garden for the more extended group. By friends from school 'gatecrashed' the wedding. I couldn't invite then because FIL was stropping about his more extended family not coming. I made sure to tell my friends that they couldn't be invited, but here's the day and time and restaurant for afterwards...

I'm going to have to take DD1 to bed in a minute. I have to hide in my room afterwards or she'll get back up. I hope you are feeling a little less stressed this evening. Can you try to get some sleep soon too?

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 21:59:16

Elfy, sounds like my kind of wedding smile

I'm going to try and sleep soon. Hopefully won't be up all night again. Will be glad when today is over.

I don't think I can thank you all enough for just talking to me. I'm sorry I'm such a whinger. I don't want to be.

twentyten Sun 14-Jul-13 22:16:00

Don't worry! The power of mnet. Be kind to yourself. Take care

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 22:19:28

Thanks 20-10, I'm currently lying in bed sobbing and playing stupid apps which are failing to distract me. I'm not even sobbing about anything. Just sobbing. My pillow is wet.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Sun 14-Jul-13 22:25:37

Oh Bride I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.

Can you try counting back from 100 in 7's? Or an actors trick to combat anxiety is to imagine your hands and feet are hot and very heavy (sounds a bit weird I know but can help calm your breathing)

weirdthing Sun 14-Jul-13 22:32:02

computer games are good if you need to pass time and not think - I used to spend hours playing Animal Crossing and games like Candy Crush are good too.

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 22:48:28

Gunpowder thank you, I'll give it a go. Weird thing, candy crush was what I was playing smile it was worth a try.

Hopefully I'll sleep soon

weirdthing Sun 14-Jul-13 23:05:19

Think about something happy that happened in your past - or a lovely place. Think about all the lovely times you will spend with your child. I have massive anxiety problems and my two boys are always hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am (I'm not!) Get some fresh air in your room and maybe change your bed so it's nice and fresh. Hope you feel better tomorrow. xxxxxxxxx

TheBrideToBe Sun 14-Jul-13 23:35:35

Weirdthing, I hope so too. Dp's just got home. Don't want to sob all over him when he's all happy, so will have to hold it together now. Thanks again.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Mon 15-Jul-13 17:05:36

How are you doing today BrideToBe?

TheBrideToBe Mon 15-Jul-13 17:14:46

Hey Gunpowder. Started off very weepy, but have much improved. A day of mind numbing work may have been just what the doctor ordered. It kept my brain busy.

Thank you so much for all the support yesterday. I feel very different at the moment.

Dp said I should have called him and that he would never choose anything else over being there for me. I showed him what I'd written and he just hugged me for a long time.

He's a keeper. Think I might just marry him smile

I'm still shaky, but hopefully I'm through the worst of it.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Mon 15-Jul-13 18:55:30

Your DH to be sounds gorgeous. Got halfway through your post and was going to write 'well. sounds like you're marrying the right man' but you know that, obviously!

So glad you are feeling a little bit better today. Please post again if you feel sad, but if I don't see you again all the best for your wedding. I was so stressed before mine but on the day all the politics melted away and it was gorgeous. Sure yours will be too smile

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