Strange thoughts.

[Kellaree]

I struggle on and off with weird/paranoid thoughts. I don't think about them long, just a few seconds and it's not everytime, just sometimes.

Like if the timer hasn't been cleared on the microwave and I look at it I think that that's how long I have left to live.

If I hear my son crying in the middle of the night I sometimes think it isn't really him bit someone/something trying to trick me and I am going to die if I go check on him. (I always go check on him but sometimes I wait a few minutes so I can calm down)

It's the same if my cat scratches at the door or miaows or something. I start to think it's not actually my cat but a demon/monster.

I get scared sometimes that there are cameras in the house and our landlord is spying on us.

Sometimes when I'm cooking dinner I get the urge to just slit my wrists or stab myself in the thighs or stomach. I used to self harm but haven't done it in years.

There's others but those are the worst. I never have angry or violent thoughts about anyone else, just myself. I have been diagnosed with PND and I take citalopram but these thoughts started before the citalopram. They went away for a while but now they are back.
I'm scared to tell my gp.

[VashtaNerada]

Didn't want to read & run and hopefully someone more knowledgable will be along soon. Why scared to talk to your GP? You sound like you want these thoughts to go away, s/he may be able to help.

[StealthPolarBear]

You are ill and you desperatly need to see your gp or midwife or health visitor.
This is not yoyr fault. You appear to be a very good mum, and as with other illnesses you need to see the right people to help get better. If you have any worries about how it will be perceived tell them. The fact you have identified this as a problem and are willing to do something to sort it out speaks volumes about your capabilities as a parent.

Please do not rely on online advice ( other than mine :o)
Please see someone in real life and get back to normal - to enjoying your baby

[StealthPolarBear]

Ooh that sounded rude, sorry vash. Just meant dont get caught up in the thrrad- this is not skmething mn can sort.
Apols for typos

[VashtaNerada]

None taken! You're right, RL support is the best.

[Kellaree]

Yes, I want them to stop. I hate it. I'm alone up here with no support (other than my SO who works long hours) and I'm afraid that it will lead to my son being taken away. I'd never do anything to hurt him but the pnd does give me a nasty temper and the anger does sometimes lead to me wanting to hurt myself, never anyone else.
I know I'm sick but I'm so scared.

[VashtaNerada]

It is incredibly rare for SS to remove a child nowadays. The important thing is to get help now in case things get worse. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is ask for help.

[VashtaNerada]

Going to bed now but just wanted to wish you all the best It seems scary now but your GP will have heard much worse in the past! The important thing is to tell someone and start getting yourself well.

[yamsareyammy]

The people who seek help are normally or often the ones who do not have their kids taken, Because for the very reason that they are trying to get help for a problem.

[StealthPolarBear]

how are you getting on OP?

[Kellaree]

This is a really old post but I just want to say thanks for the encouragement to get help. One year on and I am doing great! I'm off the meds, I no longer struggle with intrusive thoughts or paranoia. It's strange to read this and remember just how sick I was.

[MortaIWombat]

I didn't read your thread originally, Kellaree, but I'm happy to hear you are feeling so much better now!

[MinionDave]

Glad you are feeling better