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Not Driving Away!

(794 Posts)
Pumble Sat 13-Jul-13 14:21:09

P1 splashing in the paddling pool and P2 having a nap. So pleased to be back and they are so pleased to be with each other again.

Can't believe we got to 1000 posts! You need to change your nn now too don't you wylye ?!

rowrowrowtheboat Tue 02-Jun-15 23:06:18

Pumble, you can't control everything right now. You can't control when your house will be sold, when your next house comes up, but you can to some degree control how you cope and your daily routines. Go back to cbt and use some techniques.

And know that right now that there is lots on your plate but it won't always be thus

Good night.

Pumble Tue 02-Jun-15 22:51:41

Feeling tired and emotionally drained but better than earlier. Thanks for all you said.... I have been told the same magi about if they're well enough to scream/shout etx. I was just feeling particularly unable to deal with it this evening.

I like the idea of talking to them about bedtime tomorrow and seeing how they felt about it. P1 will definitely get the conversation and will hopefully help p2 understand it too.

I think I just feel so out of control of everything at the moment which isn't helping any of us.

Fingers crossed we all actually get some sleep tonight.

Pumble Tue 02-Jun-15 22:51:37

Feeling tired and emotionally drained but better than earlier. Thanks for all you said.... I have been told the same magi about if they're well enough to scream/shout etx. I was just feeling particularly unable to deal with it this evening.

I like the idea of talking to them about bedtime tomorrow and seeing how they felt about it. P1 will definitely get the conversation and will hopefully help p2 understand it too.

I think I just feel so out of control of everything at the moment which isn't helping any of us.

Fingers crossed we all actually get some sleep tonight.

rowrowrowtheboat Tue 02-Jun-15 22:38:57

Pumble,

I hope you are feeling a little better now, and heading up to bed if not already there.

Siblings will take their tiredness out of each other. Siblings will wind each other up and test each other. Part of it is testing out norms and what they can and can't do, part of it is growing up. It is harder to deal with at bedtime when everyone is tired, but try and remember that these intense moments will pass.

You could try and talk to them tomorrow about how they were and how it made each other feel, give some ideas and ask for their ideas on what they could do instead of screaming. You can talk to them about what might be acceptable and what isn't in your house, and see if they can agree to some 'rules' about kind voices and using words when they are cross. You could ask them what is good about having siblings and what they love about each other.

I read something on Facebook about Jason manford (I think, certainly a comedian) being frustrated with the bickering of his children so he got them to face each other and say 'I love you' over and over again until everyone was laughing. I've used that a couple of times and it's worked, you can also ask them to pull funny faces or do silly voices at the same time. It might remove the tension in the moment.

Big breaths, tomorrow is a new day. Life is exhausting, but won't always be.

magimedi Tue 02-Jun-15 22:17:44

Pumblettes will always scream at one point or another,

That's what children do.

Stop thinking of the bad times & count up the good ones.

And the Pumblettes won't remember screaming - I promise you that.

Screaming is part of growing up.

Do you, Pumble remember screaming as a major part of your childhood? I suspect not & I hope not & I am 90% sure not.

I was once told by a very wise, much older mother of 4, that when they are screaming/wailing/crying they are well enough to have the strength to do that.

A really unhappy child will just lie there, awake, but mute.

Big, big hugs.

XXXXXXXX

Pumble Tue 02-Jun-15 19:36:25

As I sit here sobbing whilst p2 is screaming I am desperately trying to remember the happy bits of the weekend but failing miserably

rowrowrowtheboat Mon 01-Jun-15 18:55:19

Stood to hear you had a lovely Sunday Pumble.

I'm just a little envious of the yummy ginger yogurt icecream magi.

Grim weather here, roll on the weekend when things should improve.

magimedi Sun 31-May-15 22:16:58

Filled with tennis & lazing!

And eating far too much of a yummy ginger yogurt ice cream wot I made on Saturday!

Feeling v fat & full & lazy & off to bed in a couple of mins, but SO pleased to hear you had a good day.

Pumble Sun 31-May-15 19:48:16

Turned out to be a good day. Pumblettes managed a v long walk with no whining (which given I was along for a short walk was particularly impressive!). So a good day again... smile

How was your Sunday?

Pumble Sun 31-May-15 11:54:21

Grim weather here too-can't believe it's June tomo!

How lovely to see PFGD-isn't Skype wonderful. So fantastic you can share her early days without being there smile

Yesterday was an ok day but the pumblettes have woken in w grump this morning so lots of whining so far... Am trying to let it wash over me.... Think a walk in the rain maybe in order for puddle splashing (if only I didn't feel so sick!!)

magimedi Sun 31-May-15 09:18:27

How's things?

Cold & wet & windy here - just hope it's not raining in Pari so I can see some tennis (on TV) later.

Have now seen PFGD on skype - luckily our camera was not working as I just sat there with tears rolling down my face. She is so lovely.

magimedi Fri 29-May-15 22:22:46

Just off to bed & am so happy to hear that you had a good day.

Being silly is great, being daft is good.

DH, DS & I still try to do 'pinch & punch, for the first of the month' 12 times a year - via email. text or just being there. I am pushing 60, DH is pushing 70 & DS is almost (!) an adult at mid 30's & we all still love the silliness of it.

I feel like I should end this post with some amazing Monty Python clip, but will just leave that to your imagination!

rowrowrowtheboat Fri 29-May-15 20:47:03

Hi, I've just got back from a short break and I'm sitting in the bathroom as the girls have a bath catching up on this thread so I'll make it quick and come back later.

It sounds like Magi's advice for a wild and wacky day was spot on and everyone benefitted from it. Maybe over the next few weeks you need to create some time in the day for something silly, just for 10 or 20 mins. Maybe dancing to the radio at 8am in the morning. Set you up for the day.

Everything Magi says is right. You are strong and should not compare yourself to others. You only ever catch a glimpse of other people's lives, so many people are graceful swans but paddling madly underneath trying to cope. Often we don't admit to out closes set friends how tough things are, often for fear of collapsing in front of them.

You and the pumbkes are resilient. You've all proved that already with everything you have gone through. Resilience will get you through this phase too.

You may be juggling lots of inns, but things will come right, and you have Mr P to share to load. I know he's away a lot but talk to him often to lighten the load. It is not all on your shoulders.

Right, off to get two excitable girls to bed, wish me luck!

Pumble Fri 29-May-15 20:20:09

And they are in bed with no hitting or kicking all day. I am exhausted but they are safely in bed and have thrived on constant attention!

Pumble Fri 29-May-15 18:45:21

Having a late bedtime as decided fun more important than routine. A good day so far. Decided to post pre bedtime in case that dampens my mood somewhat....

magimedi Fri 29-May-15 09:10:58

So pleased to hear you checking in & sounding a bit better.

Hope the day goes well for you.

Have a brew & some cake with me.

Pumble Fri 29-May-15 08:57:17

I shall stay out of a cave for the time being then! smile

I did actually get some sleep which is a miracle at the moment (although could have done without p2 wetting the bed at. 4am)

Right on to today. We are going to take each moment as it comes and try to have fun and ignore all the stuff going around in all our heads! Hopefully I will still be managing that by lunchtime...

magimedi Thu 28-May-15 22:25:58

No - you can't go & live in a cave. Sorry, but it's not on!

Everyone else looks like they are coping (& I bet you do too) but it's so easy to put a brave face on to the world & so much harder to admit you aren't coping.

And parents................ jeez, they can be so tough to handle. You know they are trying to do their best for you, but you always wonder if they are still treating you like a child and wanting to direct your life for you.

Mine did that when I left DS's bio Dad - they thought & really felt they were being a great support, but I did feel they were trying to impose on me.

But, I can see the parent thing from "both sides now" - I will admit that I do find it very hard to realise that DS is an adult (nearly mid 30's) & a father & a really, truly, proper grown up. I can't tell you how often I bite my lip & don't say anything!

The Pumblettes will really, truly, not remember much, if any, of this when they grow up. Life is full of ups & downs, good times & shit times & children remember the good stuff, the silly moments and not the crap.

Your love for the Pumblettes shines through evdery post you make & that is what they will take forward - I promise you.

Go to bed! Get some sleep. Try & have a bit of silly fun this w/e.

Goodnight, lovely Pumble. Sleep well, it does help.

I'll check in again in the morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Pumble Thu 28-May-15 22:11:52

Thank you magi thanks. Your words may have added to the seemingly never ending tears at the moment but at least this was in a positive way.

I just feel everybody else copes with what life throws at them and I don't.

My parents are sort of trying to help out but are just making life much harder in many ways which probably sounds ungrateful but is how it feels.

I just wish the pumblettes could be having the happy and innocent childhood they deserve instead of this shit, stressful time instead.

Can we all go and live in a cave?

magimedi Thu 28-May-15 21:44:37

No one can ever do everything well.

I doubt that the Pumblettes are a) hungry. b) filthy. c) abused.

We all have or have had major failings with parenting but I am certain that your girls don't doubt your love for them, despite the fact they may be pushing against you as life sounds tough at the moment for you. (Big hug).

The world your girls are going to grow up into & join as adults is not fair, not perfect & can be bloody tough.

Much as we would all like our DCs to have a happy, rose strewn path through childhood, it doesn't happen. Life isn't easy & they are learning that.

I know it's not what you want for them but it is what is now for the Pumble family. Shit happens & always will.

I am certain that they have the fundamental knowledge of your love (& Mr. P's) & that will be their bed rock to go on from & become amazing women.

When I look back at all the parenting fails I inflicted on my DS I am amazed that he has turned out to be the level, loving adult that he is now.

None of us are perfect - none of us are perfect parents, it does not exist.

My only bit of real time advice to you is, if circs allow, try & have a wild & wacky chocolate filled treat day with your girls. Tell them that things are tough but you are all going to have a day off from real life & do something daft for a day.

Lots of love, big hugs, am always around the internet if you want to 'chat', & never forget.....

that you, Pumble are an amazing woman who has come through such a lot & are here on the other side & doing so very well.

XXXXX

Pumble Thu 28-May-15 18:56:03

Thanks.

Too many things to cope with-pregnancy, selling a house, hunting for a house, mr P away....

And unsurprisingly the pumblettes are not coping with all of this either which means P2 is struggling at bedtimes and P1 has started kicking and hitting me and screaming etx

I just feel like i am failing at everything at the moment-doing everything badly but nothing well..... hmm

magimedi Thu 28-May-15 17:05:08

Sweetie, what's wrong?

Talk to us or PM me if you want - I'll be around for an hour or so.

Big hugs, deep breaths, look how far you have come............

Pumble Thu 28-May-15 16:55:58

Everything is falling apart

Pumble Wed 27-May-15 10:37:03

A challenging time here.... confused hmm

Glad all good with your beautiful GD magi smile

magimedi Tue 26-May-15 22:34:54

I'm OK.

Major works started on the hovel today - drilling, upheavel & DUST!

Granddaughter is well, as is her Mum & Dad. They got 5 solid hours sleep last night!!

Have to say, she is SO beautiful - can't wait to go & see her.

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