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This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

(975 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Fri 07-Jun-13 19:19:23

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:36:10

I queenofknickers

I guess we should have some gerbil and ratty food for Vicar and Ed!
Can i get some crickets for my pet tarantula? I dont have one yet but its to be my present to myself when i get back on top of things. Its OK guys, i'll keep it in my study in a locked vivarium smile

Do you think we can have a river that runs at the end of our gardens? not too deep but just enough so that i can dangle my feet in during the summer, oh no, hang on, its always summer in our village!

I'd like a three bedroom terrace with a front garden full of roses, back garden going down a slope to the river/stream. There is a weeping willow on the other side of the river.

I am doing OK this weekend, feel a bit anxious but its not been too bad. I have been to two pubs today shock and only had lemonade and coke shockshock Feel i have been drinking too much and i think its got to the stage where i don't actually enjoy it anymore.

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:37:02

that was meant to day Hi queenofknickers !

LEMisdisappointed Sat 08-Jun-13 22:37:24

oh ffs say, not day - im not even on my phone!

Do you know what....looking back on our first day in the village...I must say that on the whole it has been a reasonably positive one. Lets hope it lasts.

We MUST have a village pub with quiz nights though.

Photos of my little cuties on profile. Sorry I cant rotate pictures.

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 10:22:05

morning all.

i decided not to go to bed today, so came off nights, went for a run, shower, then cleaned the rats cages out.

im sat in pjs watching last nights telly. house a tip but cant be bothered to sort it just now.

very tough night again last night. sad im ok, just had a very sad and difficult night. My colleagues are all hard nosed sods. Not one of them can put themselves in another persons shoes.

anyway. i am surprisingly wide awake so am going to try and get the Dudley out for a cuddle....

want a pic of the new boy? he is a sweetie....they said at pets at home he was wild savage little bugger....

mmmmm...such a savage....not!

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 10:34:12

Hello all, checking in

I have had to tackle a few things hence my absence, sorting out my Dads stuff, still not finished. DH has been on a trip abroad with work as well.

I don't want to write what my phobia is but I have one, the incident that triggered this phobia occurred at a holiday home owned by Mil. I just don't go there anymore, she is now selling it and DH wants to go there one last time. He has said I do not have to go but it is triggering a very bad phase of anxiety. I get physical symptoms like chest pains and jaw pain with numbness down my face. I haven't had these physical things for a while. They are unpleasant.

I just can't bear the set back. DH has a phobia of snakes a bad one so he knows fear. You don't tend to bump in to snakes though so he can do as he pleases.

I have not shouted but I have begged him not to go, he flies off on trips all the time and has when I'm really unwell. I don't stop him doing stuff alone ever but this I cannot bear.

Any advice?

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 10:56:41

UA - i am sorry that your phobia is causing you such a problem. I totally understand. My phobia is ridiculous, picket fences so if that cottage had a picket fence i just couldnt go there, i couldn't sad You don't say what the phobia is. Is that because even talking about it makes you feel bad? Is it ther fear of something happening to DH if he goes there? Because otherwise you would be happy for him to go alone, as you say, you don't stop him doing stuff alone but you cannot bear this? Is this a holiday home that has good memories for your DH? I can understand why he wants to go there again. The trouble is, you have had such a hard time that now is probably not the time to face your fears - i don't know what to suggest. I would help if we knew what the fear was, but understand if you cannot talk about it.

FWIW, i used to be petrified of spiders, i think to the extent that it could have been called a phobia. Now i love them - i don't know what really happned to change that. I worked in a lab full of them but never went near them, i felt uncomfortable at first. Fascination took over i guess. If there are spiders in my house, i have to give them names and then its ok.

Does your DH know what it is you are scared of? is there anything he can do to remove that trigger?

Ed - oh yes, there absolutely has to be pub! One that serves real ale along with pink wine. Pub quizzes and board games - a roaring fire. Oh and its all free, just like the village shop - thats all free too! There is no stress in our village, just nice things and happy days. It doesn't rain either.

Vicar - that ratty is just gorgeous for a savage. Have a good day - don't over do things though, you need sleep after a tough shift.

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 11:34:34

I will be brave LEM and admit what it is , it is tick bites. The place is in the middle of the New Forest and half the time you end up with ticks. I used to be ok about this but I got really a lot of bites at the same time I was recovering from a pg loss and I just cannot bear to go there. The baby I lost was conceived while we were on hols there as well so I have gone from loving the place to loathing it.

It's more the thought of catching Lyme disease or getting an infected bite I can't stand. I'm a country girl and it means after a life of playing in abandoned pig stys and cow pat fights I'm scared of the countryside now but have a phobia of anywhere your more likely to Get tucks. Insects love me I got bitten walking in the Peak District at Christmas by something. What are the chances of that.

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 11:35:19

Not tucks, darn autocorrect

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 11:42:53

Ugghhh, ticks <<shudders>> horrible bloody things. I had one in my back once - DP thought it was a giant mole shock Yuck. But ts not the ticks is it UA? Its the association with really sad things that you associate the place with. Understandable, it totally is - its difficult to disassocite places with traumatic events, it brings it all back. I am so sad that you are scared of the countryside sad Have you ever spoken about this with your counseller?

hoochymama1 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:00:46

((( UA ))) not surprised the place has bad associations. Poor darling.

Lovely ratty, vicar I must do a profile.

Welcome QoK- excellent name.

Our village is coming along beautifully.

Oh, DS 2 has just started vomiting bug, and A levels next week! DS 3 has just recovered from it. Yuck yuck yuck.

Its just getting sunny here now, hope everyone has a good afternoon.

hoochymama1 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:07:21

Oh, Ed just saw your lovely knitty things, you are so clever!! And the cuties are so sweet smile

SnowyMouse Sun 09-Jun-13 12:34:46

What lovely gerbils smile

ThatVikRinA22 Sun 09-Jun-13 12:43:08

i almost missed your gerbils ed....sweet! more critters! smile

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 15:27:12

ua so sorry to read about your phobia and distress . As Lem says there is a lot of real hurt and upset attached to the cottage isnt there?. Agree that your Dh can go there on his own. You have had more than enough to cope with the last few months .

It is awful that the countryside in general has given rise to these panic feelings . I hope you can get some support in managing them .

Just an idea for future times have you googled anti insect clothing ?
there is some specifically for tick areas

www.rovince.com/

take care x

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 16:00:25

Ok ladies this is the village plans up to date so far

1: large farmhouse with stables and paddock for Vicar

2:corner house with plum trees for ED and a huge garden with hammock.

3: 3 bed terrace with roses around the door at front and sloping back garden to river and next door to ED is LEM.

4: 2 bed cottage with huge picture windows and conservatory with studio and real fires is CIQ

5: A cottage with huge sun room . A large kitchen /living area with huge pantry [I love the word pantry ] ....huge shower room belongs to Helles

6: 2 bed bungalow near us all is our lovely Snowy

7: A 2 bed cottage with secluded courtyard and outstanding views is Knitteds

8: Large rambling cottage with tea room attached is Hoochies

9: Mmm in her absence we have bought an 18th century cottage with glorious garden room for Nana . Hidden from view is the cellar where the head monster is incarcerated if it ever dares to show itself.

We have village shop courtesy of QOK that stocks anything we want .
A large common garden with oak tree in middle to picnic under .
Allotments
Cool spacious library
Yoga lessons
craft workshops
fetes
coffee mornings
drunken evenings

Any boundaries will be dry stone walls and no fencing .

Weekly visit from handsome kind crinkle eyed weather beaten vet to tend to the animals .

Phew .........that has been a good distraction today .x

PUB ........How could I forget that ? with quizzes and roaring fires in winter . Allows all the animals in if well behaved [even tarantulas].

knittedslippersx3 Sun 09-Jun-13 16:19:53

Brilliant bassetfeet!
Can't wait to move in, I'll be throwing a dinner party asap so I can meet you all in person!
This village is turning out to be a fantastic distraction even if it is imaginary. Well done Vicar!

apatchylass Sun 09-Jun-13 16:35:06

Not a very good day here I'm afraid.

DC away, so I'm not busy. Supposed to be packing for business trip but heart not in it, despite leaving early tomorrow.

Should have listened to Strawberry and not halved my dose last week.

Sorry - very self indulgent. Just having a low day - hate it when DC aren't around, and hate leaving home at the moment.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 16:55:46

Chin up apatchylass - can you restart your dose at the normal dose? Where are you going to on your trip? There will be a warm welcome at the village pub when you come back x

apatchylass Sun 09-Jun-13 17:36:28

Thank you LEM. Just saw how lovely and happy this thread is after having posted and felt I'd lowered the tone. The village sounds lovely. (And yes, back on normal dose again, just didn't work out swapping so quickly.)

Let's have a walled garden that always catches the late afternoon sun, with scented roses and lots of fruit trees and veg which are tended by a gentle gardener who has hedgehogs round his toes and leaves out trugs of the best pickings of the day for villagers to help themselves to.

Looking forward to the pub. I'll look in on my return with lots of local delicacies for you all from my travels!

Have started packing now at least and put a lovely dinner in the oven. Always feels better when you get up and do something.

bassetfeet Sun 09-Jun-13 18:27:45

Ah hedgehogs round toes and trugs sounds so calming apatchy.
and yes to doing something to keep the demons at bay . Wish I took the advice.
take care while away and come back to us with your travel delights .
see you in the virtual pub .
take care and good you upped your dose back. And no you are not self indulgent xx

Unfortunatelyanxious Sun 09-Jun-13 20:06:20

Thank you for your wise words, I may very well buy some of that clothing. I won't go to the cottage, the sad thing is I used to hill walk as a serious hobby. Hiking holidays and suchlike, nothing like going up along Hellvelyn on a cold sunny winter day, so it's very sad.

DH will go, probably with his Mum, I have a complicated plan as it is a long distance from our home. My sister lives sort of on the way so am going to try and get her to come and stay while he is away, she hates public transport so means I can get her. We will see if the plan works out. DH is fine UNTIL he is thwarted in any way. I had never suffered anxiety before we were together, it only really kicked in about six years ago, I lost the pg and my dd was diagnosed with a serious lifelong Health problem at the same time. I have never been the same since that winter.

I cried a lot and got puffy eyes, then forced myself to go shopping at Aldi then watched three episodes of The Tudors, nothing like a bawdy historically inaccurate sex fest to take your mind off stuff.

Love to all.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 20:08:36

apatchy - yes, this particular thread has a happy and calming start to it, but it is also a place to come and seek solace when life is too much. We all post our angst and trials on here - there is much hand holding and support, so please feel free to offload.

I am going to do that just now!

So, I am feeling a bit crap actually. Bumped into one of my old students in the shop, he told me that, they had complained about the course and got half their fees back. I was really pleased for them - They complained about how things had no structure and that they had FOUR tutors over the year. However he said that they stressed that it wasn't the tutors faults that it was down to bad management. At first i was "good" the bloody manager has got her comuppance but then i thought, ah no, i bet they use me as a scape goat as im not there to defend myself. So started to worry that they might take some sort of action against me for leaving the course midway? I don't know how i managed to finish the shop and we went for a walk with the dogs and DD but i coldnt relax enough to enjoy it. They wont do anything will they? Rationally i know it wasn't down to me in any way but i am now envisioning them trying to recoup the monies from me sad confused DP is cross with me and thinks im being a twat - which i probably am but fuck it.

Ironically i was thinking about our village when i was in the woods - Our village should have a woods too, don't you think? With bluebells and snowdrops. I love the idea of the walled garden, i think that could be where the herbs are grown. Was also hoping that Vicar would want some help with the horses. CiQ would have a ball with all the flowers and wildlife to paint.

LEMisdisappointed Sun 09-Jun-13 20:12:24

Whaaaat??? The tudors is a bawdy sex fest? I turned it off because i thought it was gong to be all stuffy! I don't know why after watching the other bolyen girl - that Henry the VIII was a knobwit wasn't he.

It sounds like a good plan UA, although i have to say, i really hope that you can restart your hobby one day, when you are ready. Would you like to tell us where you would like to live in our village? Maybe you could be the pub landlady?

Hi all

((((Hugs)))) ua and lem tough situations to handle. ua ticks are bad enough on their own let alone with all those sad associations. lem I'm thinking h your student prob wouldn't have told you if he'd had any problems with you - like he said - poor management. Take care.

patchy love the sound of the sun warmed Wales garden.

basset Thanks for the fab summary! Can't believe we've got to page 3 with this - a lovely distraction.

vicar altho your night sounds tough I can't tell you how heartened I am to know there police officers like you or there with some empathy. Thank you.

Feeling like the grumpiest wide and mother today. Everything I seem to say has been negative. I don't want to be that sorry of person but just feel stuck.

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