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on the edge

(14 Posts)
buggermewhatnext Wed 22-May-13 16:53:57

Hi all smile. Thank you for all the replies. They are so helpful and insightful.
Yes Nananina I did go and see a solictor today. She was good and gave proper advice- saying mediation is a choice.. hmm not sure partner would go for it? Also that I can make an order to the court if he will not agree to put house up for sale.. This will cost but its not too much.
Yes legal aid has stopped now so lets hope it does not drag on to that but then it would mean he would have to pay also so im sure it wouldnt
She said to talk again to him.. which I will try to do so- not easy though..
Am feeling a bit more relaxed today ;)) could be the meds have finally kicked in? hope so but I will still see the gp net week and monitor how I feel.
I dont feel i was or am depressed as such its just the bloody awful anxiety that gets me..

NanaNina Wed 22-May-13 15:47:59

As others are saying, you may need the dose increased, or it could just be taking that bit longer to take effect this time. Thing is as I'm sure you know, the ADs only deal with the symptoms, and not the underlying cause. High level anxiety is hell - anxiety really means fear - fear of the present and fear of the future. ADs are meant to cope with anxiety too of course. Another trick thid bloody illness plays on us is that an AD that worked the first time, might not do so in another episode. Maybe you will need to try another one, but you need to see your GP asap I think.

Re your partner talking of wanting his child with him all the time - this may well be a threat so that you won't leave him, as I gather he doesn't want the r/ship to end, but it is an empty threat. When parents split up and can't agree about who the child lives with, then the matter goes to the Family Court. One or other of the parent is awarded a Residence Order (meaning that that is the person with whom the child lives) whilst the other parent is almost always awarded contact, and if the parents can't agree on this, then the court defines contact, as in stating how many days of the week the non-resident parent has with the child and the hours etc. If the court accepts that there is a concern about the welfare of the child during contact, then contact will take place at a Contact Centre and wil be supervised.

The main thing that is taken into consideration is the best interests of the child. I was a social worker and middle manager in a LA social services dept and did some work in the Family Courts. Am now retired. Parents who can't agree are offered mediation, especially if they are claiming legal aid. I really do hope that you can agree that the child lives with you and the father has contact, as once you get into the Family Courts the whole thing can drag on for months on end, even years in some cases. The other thing is that I don't think legal aid is going to be available for private law cases in the Family Court, but not sure whether this has yet been withdrawn.

Judges get very sick of warring parents and the children are caught in the middle, especially when it is obvious that one of the parents is just trying to spite the other. The parent who has the child's best interests at heart and is not slagging off the other parent will best impress a judge. Your mental health cannot be "used" against you. Depression and anxiety (horrid as they are) are not the type of mental illnesses that would raise concern about the welfare of a child, as in pyschotic illnesses, which is a thinking disorder.

Hope I haven't bombarded you with too much info. Have only just noticed you were seeing a solicitor today, but some of them aren't much good I'm afraid, so if there is anything you aren't clear about I would be happy to help further.

Hoophopes Wed 22-May-13 12:11:34

Why not go to gp and ask about a higher dose, as yes you are on the lowest dose. If you tell the gp about your life events that will help them understand things a bit more.

buggermewhatnext Wed 22-May-13 09:42:22

Hi thanks all for the replies.
I know its related my anxiety and relationship.
Have had anxious times in the past but nothing to how this has been of late.
It could be the dose needs increasing am only on 20mgs, so thats not too much right?
Or it could be I need beta blockers or the like?
Not too sure, need advice?
Either way once this god awful anxiety is controlled then I know I will be strong and focused enough to take next steps.
Seeing solicitor for advice today.

kimbar303 Tue 21-May-13 18:40:47

Hi would it be worth trying to get a cancellation/emergency appointment before next week to sort out your anti-depressants? You sound like you have so much going on that one step at a time could be a good approach, firstly starting with your tablets/dosage? In my own personal experience I needed the medication sorted properly before I could deal with anything else and although its no miracle cure, on the right tablet and right dose it can put your mind in the right place to deal with all these other issues! If you really arn't coping call your docs and get that appointment brought forward, please don't suffer, thoughts are with you x

Hoophopes Tue 21-May-13 11:29:07

Perhaps the anti d will not work so well whilst you are stuck in that stressful situation. As you know there is a cause or trigger for how you are feeling, until that cause is removed (him) then perhaps the ad's will be less effective. Can you be honest to your gp and tell the gp about partner and separation etc so they can offer best treatment for you? Perhaps change of dose etc is needed.

LEMisdisappointed Tue 21-May-13 11:22:56

Oh, i daresay he will try and use the MH thing but if he gets a good solicitor they will make hmm face at him and tell him not to bother wasting his time! And if he does use it, it will be dismissed.

buggermewhatnext Tue 21-May-13 11:19:22

He doesnt listen to reason hence the situation we are in now.
I will have to speak to a solicitor i think. Still scared he will use the mh thing against me!
I ve got an appt at the docs next week. This anti d is doing nothing at all sad((. Really down as it worked so so well last time. Just wish i could feel a momemts peace i really do

LEMisdisappointed Tue 21-May-13 11:04:46

So difficult because the trigger for your anxiety is your partner. Really, think about getting some legal advice. Does he not realise it would be better for your child if she lived in a stable home - ie, one without arguments and resentment. That is possible for her, but not whilst you are together - separately, if he acts like a grown up, it can work and indeed does work for many families.

Are you having any counselling? Could you go back to your GP and tell him/her that the ADs are not really working, they may need the dose altering or something to supplement it. When i first started on the citalopram i was gven diazepam just to take the edge off.

buggermewhatnext Tue 21-May-13 10:52:58

Hi LEM I know what your saying its just that I feel so on edge that it seems like he would have the upper hand.
He doesnt want finish as he wants his child with him all the time. That is a laugh reallly as he is not hands on at all and always puts himself first. I dont love him nor even like him any longer. If I show how I am feeling with all this he will use it against me. Just feel like shit I want to feel normal again. My heart is racing constantly

LEMisdisappointed Tue 21-May-13 10:42:43

He can NOT use your MH against you - he is talking bollocks! So you must not be scared about that. Is it because he wants to make a go of things or is he being difficult? Have you seen a solicitor? Maybe you should? You can get half hour free consultation and may be entitlted to legal aid.

buggermewhatnext Tue 21-May-13 10:33:22

Partner is refusing to go. Have been unhappy with him for three years now! we have no emotional connection. The thought of being with him for ever is torture. So sad sad He even said he wants full custody of dd1 and that he will use my mental health against me(( am terrified to be honest

LEMisdisappointed Tue 21-May-13 10:29:39

Holding your hand - I think it can take longer for the ADs to work the second time around. This is certainly my experience, I am on citalopram, i think im at about a month and they are working, just, but not sorting me out really.

It is hard, i thought, to a degree that i would take the tablets and everything would be ok but its not, of course it isn't i have stuff to deal wiht but im not strong enough YET, but i will be. So will you.

Do you want to tell us more about your partner/relative?

buggermewhatnext Tue 21-May-13 10:17:07

Have been taking prozac for nearly a month now. Its not working, its not even taking the edge off! Have had it in the past and its worked. I cant eat! unless have had some wine. Which is not good!
Feel shakey, tearful constant negative thoughts!, dry mouth this is total hell. Help anyone.
Got a lot going on at the mo- wanting to spllit with partner, him not happy with this Also got sick relative sad(

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