My DS2 is 3 weeks and I fear my PND is back. I suffered with it after my first son, and with help and medication I got through it. But it's back on the horizon again. I know it. I have tried to deny it and have tried to deny that I was depressed while pregnant. However this morning I woke up again with that feeling of fear and dread in the pit of my stomach. I felt that I wouldn't be able to make it through the day without something terrible happening. I live with my elderly mother who is not well and can sometimes be confused. Although most days she can look after herself there are days when she can't, and since I have had DS2 these days are getting more and more. She can clean herself but needs help with everything else. Plus I have a 2 year old who is going through the terrible-two stage plus he is trying to get used to his new baby brother. DS2 was not planned and so I knew that it would be challenging having another child but thought I could do it. Now I fear I can't do it. That I will not cope. Until dad gets home I feel constantly stressed. My attentions if not with my sons are with mum, and I feel that I have to be defensive with mum. In her opinion I am a failure. Yes I have 2 sons but am in a relationship where we cannot afford to get our own place, hence why I am still living with my mum. She feels i should be in a better position at this stage in my life.
I feel like a failure. I cannot even give my sons the living space they need. Most times I feel like I am going to explode. My greatest fear is that my DS1 will stop loving me because I have become a monster - who is always irritable.
Today, i have finally accepted that my PND has returned and I am going to seek help. Until I can get to see my HV/GP, has anyone any coping strategies to keep me calm especially when DS1 is being challenging and when mum is being antagonistic?
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Mental health
My PND is back
12 replies
firsttimemum1404 · 18/05/2013 21:34
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