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Not suicidal but thinking about dying

(9 Posts)
vindolanda Fri 10-May-13 19:55:27

I think my friends all have troubles of their own. Not always serious ones, but we're all a bit weighed down. I don't want to bring them down.

I feel very alone at home, I've been trying to make dh aware of what has been bothering me - it's being the one who is always less thought of - and he has rewarded me by doing exactly what I have opened up to him and told him upsets me the most.

I can't face the fact that the good bits of our marriage (and they do exist) are overshadowed by his lack of demonstrating love, or regard - he doesn't behave abusively or shout or anything, he just works and...I am here waiting for love that he can't or won't show me. He lets me down in small ways and can't grasp that he could behave just a little differently and we would be quite secure. I've turned needy but I don't feel wrong for it. And I can't face a divorce or single parenthood, I don't have it in me. So I think about just not being here at all.

Ilikethebreeze Fri 10-May-13 10:18:29

Vindolanda. You say you have nice friends. Are there any of them that could help in a practical way, without you having to tell them full details.
It can be surprising just how nice and helpful both emotionally and practically friends can be. And some friends actually like to help and be useful. It actually makes them feel good and useful.

Also, are you saying you feel unloved by your husband?

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Fri 10-May-13 08:50:31

I've got a thread going and this sort of resonates. I don't want to kill myself right now, but I don't see the point of going on and I do feel that a time will come where I will just do something about it and pop off.

Oddly enough, the reason I want to pop off and think it's all pointless is that I am single, have had enough of being single, can't even find any dates in 3 years and so I guess I feel unloved. That's all I want, I have everything else.

As you say, even if you like or love who you are, you also need to feel loved by others and if you are single, that's very hard to achieve. Friendship isn't the same.

Vindolanda Thu 09-May-13 19:26:00

OK I googled it and something came up about this being a response to feeling unloved.
Massive tick.
Wish I knew what to do about that though sad

orangeandemons Thu 09-May-13 19:15:58

Totally weary- I recognise that one.

Vindolanda Thu 09-May-13 19:14:11

Yes I am totally weary, that is it.
I need to be looked after for a while and I have nobody to do this, just a husband who works all the time (kids of course cannot take this on).
Family are all ill or worried themselves.
Friends are nice but I can't share this.
I am so very weary.

I'm glad it has a name, in a weird way, and I'm glad it;s not 'OMG! Panic!' because I don't feel like that.

Chavvytastic Thu 09-May-13 19:10:39

I have had similar before when stressed out. Just the relief of thinking "Oh well if I get knocked down by a bus tomorrow at least I wont have the worry of the X shite".

It did pass and I have to say at the time I certainly did not feel down or depressed - just stressed out to the point of being weary of the issues I had at the time.

orangeandemons Thu 09-May-13 19:10:27

I think it's called passive suicide ideation. I have been like this, when I wanted to die, but wouldn't commit suicide.

Vindolanda Thu 09-May-13 19:02:26

I would like to know if this is 'a bad thing' or something people think about every now and again.

Lately I've been thinking, in quite a pleasurable way, about being dead.

I want to stress that I DON'T think about suicide - I can't imagine anything worse - and I won't do anything about these thoughts that is worrisome. I'm just finding it quite enjoyable to think about not being here, about being dead (not the act of dying) and the release of not having any worries.

I am quite stressed for all sorts of reasons but none of them are really bad or merit further action. I've been stressed before and this is a new development. I don't know if it's reasonably normal generally as a reaction to stress or if I really need to go to the GP (which I'm reluctant to do because I don't have a trusted one).

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