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So desperate

(729 Posts)
GracieLoo Fri 03-May-13 23:54:14

I wouldn't be posting this if I didn't care or wasn't scared but I am, and i don't know whats happening to me. I've started taking an od and I can't stop taking them, I don't care anymore, i'm tired of this, disappointing people and letting them down.

Ariel21 Fri 03-May-13 23:57:51

Hi GracieLoo. It's clear that as you are posting, you don't want to disappear completely. Which is good - we don't want you to either. Hang on in there - is there anyone with you? Anyone you can call?

Elderflowergranita Sat 04-May-13 00:01:15

Gracie just posted on your other thread. WE care, please hang on there - is there anyone in RL you can contact? Samaritans?

Think of your gorgeous dd, she needs you to be strong for her

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 00:14:45

I'm on my own. Messed up, feel so ill, I can't do this and live an normal life. I want dd to have a normal life which she won't get with me

Ariel21 Sat 04-May-13 00:18:37

Sorry that I don't know much about your situation Gracie, but it seems clear that your daughter means a lot to you, so I hope you understand that she needs you, and whatever this 'normal' life is that you think she needs, the life she needs is with you in it. Stay with us, and call an ambulance if you need to. Have you taken anything? Xx

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 00:24:52

A few, my heads pounding. I shouldnt be posting this. I don't need an ambulance

UnicornCentaur Sat 04-May-13 00:25:23

I have found samaritans helpful in this situation. if you want to have a rant why no phone? Or phone the crisis team and ask for help.

your little girl needs you and you just can't see that now because you aren't well. Let someone help you

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 00:52:15

Ambulance is coming. Never been so terrified and ashamed

UnicornCentaur Sat 04-May-13 00:56:12

well done for getting help. you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of

let us know how you are when you can

DevonCiderPunk Sat 04-May-13 01:04:39

GracieLou, well done for trusting & asking for help.

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 01:06:24

I feel such a failure. Don't think they're going to turn up, I want my dd

AgentZigzag Sat 04-May-13 01:41:06

I'm so glad the ambulance is coming, let them help you.

AgentZigzag Sat 04-May-13 01:41:39

Is your DD in bed?

Can you get someone to come over to watch her if she is?

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 03:06:38

In a bay, I'm being nice but trying to make as I'm so tired.feel dizzy, weird and slow. Kind of scared, kind of don't care now. Going to pass out

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 03:08:13

Ddi is at her dads so happy there x

cafecito Sat 04-May-13 03:24:33

you're stronger and braver than you give yourself credit for. well done for getting the care you need. use this as a clean slate moment. your DD will never be better without you. Remember that. Never ever ever. She will be much worse off. even if you feel like a bad mum, or whatever, to her - a bad but present, 'half mum' is far less damaging to a child than a mum who has ended her own life- that's unthinkably sad for her and would never ever be okay for her, she'd never have normality as a child or even into adulthood with that hanging over her. she needs you, whatever you think at the moment. I know it's really hard to see that, but hang on in there we are here, behind you every step.

dogsandcats Sat 04-May-13 07:49:44

[hugs]

DevonCiderPunk Sat 04-May-13 08:19:52

Morning GracieLoo. How are you feeling?

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 09:19:44

In hospital, they said I can go home but I'm very shaky and walking really unsteadily, but don't know to say about not feeling right. Keep nodding off, forgetting where I am, thought I was dd's hand. Blurry world. Saw crisis team and I've got to ring them when I get home.

Hoophopes Sat 04-May-13 10:33:43

They would not discharge you if you were not well enough. When will your dd leave her day's? You may feel a bit woozy for a few days so worth asking the nurse when you will be medically ok to care for your dd?Hope crisis team help you plan out how to keep saf at home. Glad you are ok.

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 12:21:43

Home now, hospital paid for taxi, I do feel woozy and shaky. I started having hallucinations, thought there was smoke swirling around the room, then the floor looked like water flowing and a bed looked like it was moving. Nurse said it might be all the different meds causing it. Never had that so was scary.

Feeling very vulnerable, emotional and tired. Going to sleep now and crisis team are coming which for once I'm pleased about, I would been admitted if they suggested it. Horrible thing is I feel numb and regret not taking enough.

DevonCiderPunk Sat 04-May-13 12:55:18

Glad you're back in familiar surroundings. Sleep is good. Can you show crisis team this thread?

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 15:01:09

Feeling bit scared as unsure what is reality or not?! Having trouble thinking if something actually happened or didn't. Had to really think about what day of the week it was, and where dd is?! What is going on? Been asleep, now going back to sleep. That's all I can do right now.

Hoophopes Sat 04-May-13 17:54:47

Do tell them how you are. ~Perhaps your dd could stay an extra night or too with her dad or your family until the effects of the meds has gone? Hope you can sleep and rest and eat enough for energyl.

GracieLoo Sat 04-May-13 18:37:00

Crisis team have been, can't remember much that was said. Think they're coming again in the morning. I don't feel like I'm really here.

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