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that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

(971 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Thu 02-May-13 23:31:36

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 07-Jun-13 19:20:30

New Thread

thread number 5 guys.....may the support continue.

im dashing but will be back later.....or in the morning. im on nights....x

bassetfeet Fri 07-Jun-13 18:43:30

Snowy here you go flowers . Wildflower posy with cow parsley ,hawthorn blossom ,vetch and buttercups . Smells lovely xx

One day at a time is fine . xx

SnowyMouse Fri 07-Jun-13 18:21:47

virtual flowers are good smile I think I need to take things one at a time. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

bassetfeet Fri 07-Jun-13 17:14:05

Hi Knitted
So sorry that your H is being unkind. I feel for you very much and wonder if it is because he is scared and fearful . Not that it excuses his behaviour at all . Hopefully he will be much kinder and supportive this weekend after feeling very guilty while away . If not stick close to us X

Snowy is there anything we can do to help ? weekends are hard Hope the sun is shining with you and you get some warmth and be outside for a while to recharge your batteries .
.
LEM I loved the imagery in your anniversary post of you sitting with your champagne and chips beside the sea smile. The love shines through your posts .

CIQ really interesting research and links . Thank you . Mornings and the cortisol rising is hell . I vomited every day for two years on rising before I read about the reason why. Sure doesnt start the day well but if we can rationalise it then maybe we need not see it as a marker for the day ahead . You have done so much recently with confirmations,birthdays and family stuff x. You dont take enough credit for doing that . You are coping superbly xx

ED Likewise you do loads while feeling so unwell and beat yourself up about the other things left. So sorry you are feeling jittery and low . The girls are fine and loved ........so nap ,crochet ,go to Maccy Ds for meal but open your curtains lovey if you can even if it is late evening to let the light pour in . yeh?

Hoochy I have an image of you in my head that says to me "call round and have a cuppa " ...comfy sofa and a hug . Study papers and books lying on work bench and coffee table . Earthy humour .
Hope you are ok x

Not so blonde the nurse who gives so much it is depleting her reserves ? You sound so lovely and your patients are lucky to have you caring . Look out for yourself please xx

SPC Wise woman and a rebel wink. You get to the heart of every mail with precise advice and care . Enjoy the weekend with the lovely fella xx

Glabella I am so glad that your SI was found by your loved partner . How do you feel now? Hold on please hold on . Life will improve with time and the right meds. Honest it will. Thinking of you a lot because it is awful to feel this way . But it isnt how it will be forever trust me xx

NN so pleased to see your name pop up smile wise and honest I feel as if I am in the same room chatting . Hope the sun is shining with you and your family . Bet you make lovely teas and suppers .
will be in touch soon xxx

Vicar What you going to call ratboy? Del or Rodney? Trigger ?
Dave ?
Ah his harem is waiting . So pleased to read that the wee animals are giving you some comfort and joy . That is mindfulness isnt it ? watching them playing and resting . Still nagging to Dh about my birthday treat .
So pleased about you getting your part time hours . That will make a difference Vicar .
To be honest I am a bit sad that you feel you have to be so closed down with your work colleagues. Understand completely why though. Be your lovely self . xx

Have missed some of our family I bet . So will look back . hugs to all

I wonder if the next thread may be " rooms to rent in our supportive village by the sea " ? something like that maybe ?

ach nice to type and chat folks flowers

off to cook tea courtesy of Aldis bargain gammon joint.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 07-Jun-13 17:13:30

I am sooo knackered! Have cycled about 30 miles in the past two days, i hurt everywhere. Especially my backside! Had a good counselling session today even though i did end up up sobbing about my dad. I still came out feeling positive. Its funny, i have come to some conclusions this week that make me very sad but i feel that can now move on and make some changes - heres hoping.

Knitted, i am sorry about your H being an arse, im not defending him at all but it is hard for partners, my DP was also an arse the first time i was ill, this time he seems more understanding. He absolutely cannot cope when i cry and will go all cold shoulder on me.

Snowy - Im so sorry you are feeling crap - Can you maybe sort yourself some treats? even simple things like brew or buy a bunch of flowers If you were my friend i would buy you some flowers - so the sentiment is there.

CiQ its sunny here but windy and cold, it put the damper on my bike ride today as i got cold and haven't been able to warm up all day, now snuggled on sofa with DD and ddog2. Just shouted at her sad but she was jumping around waving her cardi about - i didnt shout because of that, i asked her not to do it beause im so tired and she stood there wiggling her bum and pulling an attitude face. Feel crap about that but it needed doing. I hope you are slowly feeling better today.

I like your headmonster metaphor nana! I hope you manage to keep him locked away this weekend. I am also loving the village analogy - maybe we could use that as our next thread title in some way?

Love the idea of the calligraphy Hellesbelles - i did start kniting DD a jumper but haven't picked it up much this week.

TSP - have fun with the Lovely Bloke (for some reason "lovely bloke" puts me in mind of father ted, i don't have a clue why)

hugs to everyone else - basset, vicar, glabella, notsoblonde? anyone else who i have not mentioned (my poor brain is addled)

NanaNina Fri 07-Jun-13 16:05:30

Oh knitted I am so so sorry your H is being so horrible when you need support. Not sure if you have children. Whether you do or not is it possible for you to move out, if he's only home for a short time. You're not rambling, so no need to apologise.

Snowy ah no - only a 2. Is there anything that makes it less painful. I always find going under the duvet decreases the emotional pain a fair bit. I think it's a natural instinct to want to withdraw when we feel so utterly crap. I know CPNs tell us not to do this (well my last one did) but they have never felt the torment of depression. I remember that your CPN is away for 2 weeks. Anyone else you can call on for support, or maybe you prefer to be on your own. Sending you hugs and warm wishes x

knittedslippersx3 Fri 07-Jun-13 14:35:45

Been lurking and not posting.
Well done Vicar! That's the attitude to have towards your colleagues.
Still finding it easier to keep myself away from others. H not understanding at all. Treating me with contempt and disgust. He works away and is due home today, wish he'd stay away tbh. He was so nasty last weekend when I had my melt down.
Sorry for the ramble, love to you all.

((((hugs)))) snowy

SnowyMouse Fri 07-Jun-13 13:49:23

More like a 2, not a good blip sad

Hi everyone,

lem Anniversary sounds lovely smile. I think its ok start out doing it for your DH, maybe that will turn into doing it for you both. Hope your counselling goes well.

Yes often worse in the morning, and am finding if I do get anxious about something it takes me hours - if not usually the rest of the day to recover, which apparently is typical after prolonged stress. Still feel very tense from yesterday but have managed to do stuff inc buy some clothes - now need to work on tummy...! I did a load of reading last night and the cortisol thing I found v interesting. Some stuff recommending Omega 3 + 6, powerful multivit and mineral inc chromium, b6, other bs so went to boots this morning. It's not going to do any harm. Interestingly excess and prolonged cortisol (caused by stress) eventually affects the bodys serotonin receptors - so you take up less and become depressed. An interesting biological perspective on the impact of stress. Of course you need to deal with the stress and that's where the counselling comes in, but no harm to give brain a bit of extra help?

nana great to hear you've gone for the book too. I also ordered Mind Over Mood after GP and friend recommended it. Just have to fit them both in!!!

Helles that pressie sounds so special - I'm sure they will treasure it.
SPC great to hear about lovely bloke - have a great day.
Ed do you have any proven relaxation techniques - those anxiety symptoms sound really tough. Hope you're feeling a bit better later.

no sun yet here, but its quite bright.

NanaNina Fri 07-Jun-13 12:37:32

Just checking in - have my lovely SGD here for the weekend. I am going to order the Mindfulness book that you mentioned Basset as I really do think I need to learn about this for the days when my headmonster is on the rampage again. He's been asleep for a while.....but not holding my breath, have had too many "false dawns" This thing about cortisol - on my bad days I am always at my worst first thing in the morning, and through the morning and then if I'm lucky I lift during the day, or to follow my metaphor, the headmonster starts to doze!

Ah just scrolled up and see cortisol has possible links with thyroid, so I think I got it "round my neck" so to speak.

Glad you are happy HB - I took feeling happy and fulfilled with life for granted before I suffered the torment of mental illness. Suppose that's natural though isn't it. I certainly feel differently now.

Hi Vicar glad you sound a bit more "grounded" - is your DS at home - he is starting work in Devon soon isn't he - hope he gets the finances back on track. You are our Head Girl so you have to think of a new title for the next thread!! Something with "Support Village" in maybe or "virtual village"

Glabella no pressure but just wondering if you could pop in (not to tell us you are ok if you're not) just to know you are still an important member of the lovely "village" - think that was *Bassets" name for the thread - just lovely - conjures up images of a little country village with cottages and a stream.........

Sorry you are feeling so crap Ed but you usually "rise up" again - I sometimes think of you as a cork bobbing about on the water - unsinkable! But maybe that's not fair as we are all prone to "sinking" from time to time.

Hi CIQ - maybe we can compare notes about mindfulness when we have the book.

Lem - chips and champagne on the beach - wow! You are in a good spell at the moment I see and hope it lasts and lasts............

SPC hello and glad you are doing well too.

Snowy how are you? Still a 3............or 3.1 maybe or 3.2 though of course like all of us your mood fluctuates through the day, though I think I remember you saying that you too were worse in the morning.

Mama hello - I don't think I know you because you came on during one of my periods going AWOL! I'll have to scroll back to read your back story

Hello to anyone I've missed.

TheSilveryPussycat Fri 07-Jun-13 09:52:19

vicar you have found a Brilliant State to deal with work. So glad about the p/t too.

Re nausea: I sometimes have a vague stomachy thing that I think is a side effect of paraxatine. Last month I bought some Motilium, and have found that one pill seems to settle it. (Checked with pharmacist when bought them that would mix ok). Might be something to consider?

I do meditation sometimes, also a sort of mindfulness that I found at random on the net which involves Just Listening, Just Accepting that your life is Here and Now.

Mine you don't let the boys and girls accidentally mingle, vicar!

I've been chilling, though house and garden need attention. Am getting there tho, and Lovely Bloke is coming over later grin

I'm here.

Just struggling to keep up.

I'm suffering with increased symptoms of stress and anxiety. I'm shaky. I have that 'can't keep my eyes open for longer than 5 mins' exhaustion. I am wretching with nausea. I am jumpy at sudden noises. My leg has its spontaneous tremour back. Interestingly the nausea is a morning thing....

I'm having a nap. Dd is doing a show at school this afternoon. I need to shower when I wake. Need to book my holiday. Need to sleep.

Oh and we now have 4 adorable gerbils.

And vicar you rock. You are IN CONTROL jyst you remember that....

LEMisdisappointed Fri 07-Jun-13 08:29:04

Just looking in, CIQ you are starting to sound more positive again. Re the cortisol, do you feel worse in the morning? cortisol peaks in the morning and i often wake up anxious as hell.

Love hearing about the rats vicar - you will have to give them their own room soon grin

Ed not seen you on thread for a few days, hope you are OK

Glabella can you let us know you are ok?

Love to all xxx

Busy day for me yesterday, was our anniversary - we had such a lovely evening, chips on the beach and champagne - I have decided i am going to get better for my DP, i know i should be doing it for me, but If i do tht i wont do it because i don't think im worth it just now. He has been amazing and needs to old me back.

Have to cycle to my counselling session today, another 10 miles after yesterdays ride - gawd, i wish i could drive!

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 07-Jun-13 01:11:21

thank you all for such overwhelming support yet again when i needed it.

think we need a new thread again very soon. Lets think of a new title....

im ok.
I did my job. i came home and i played with my ratties.....the girls were out for a run tonight.
im now sat with the boyo......he is getting some company in a week.that will make 6!

i am trying not to think about next week too much because i know the week after i get my 5 days off as my part time working begins.

helles that gift sounds truly beautiful and very much from the heart (as well as mind!)

need to catch up on all posts again - ive just got on the computer and my mind is tired....so i will say goodnight and give out hugs to those who need one.

if anyone else wants to start a new thread then do feel free - or else help me with a title!

x to all

HellesBelles396 Fri 07-Jun-13 00:24:12

Just popping on to let you know I am tired but happy. I have, this evening, bought calligraphy equipment and made a present for db and dsil 1st wedding anniversary.Part of the reading I did at their wwedding written in teal ink. Teal was their accent colour. I have mounted it and framed it.

Mindfulness wss much in evidence because I have been concentrating more than I ever have to ensure that the guide lines were parallel and centred and that each letter was welk-formed.

So pleasing. I just hope they like it.

Ordered. smile I had my thyroid tested last autumn but when I'm next at GP am going to ask what the actual result was, from what I've read you can still be symptomatic if you're above the baseline the NHS uses. Do let me know how you get on.
Good night x

bassetfeet Thu 06-Jun-13 22:42:35

Funny you should mention thyroid CIQ . I am going to ask to be checked next time at GP. Lots of symptoms re hairloss,exhaustion etc
Well worth asking to be checked . It seems it creeps up slowly .

I hate going to the doctor and always play the I AM OK game. Like us all I cant afford to be not ok .

The book I mentioned is on Amazon ciq ...also Jon Kabat Zinn is on you tube and very good .

Thank you for your help and tips . will go now and look up .

Ah this village of good lovely folk .......makes me feel warm and cared for . x

Thanks. Good reviews. Will add to my Amazon order wink.
Hope your day's been OK even if feeling strange! Take care x

bassetfeet Thu 06-Jun-13 22:31:04

A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams .

Good book and cd re mindfulness for starting . x

Thanks Basset x.
I've been reading up about Cortisol tonight and the switch - ie where is gets stuck and the resultant effects (google Sara Gottfield), to lower cortisol: Fish oils, cut out sugar, yoga/pilates, mindfulness, and a herb called rhodiola or something. But struck chords in terms of symptoms, and also effect on thyroid - can make you have hypothyroid symptoms which inc depression... Have made some notes for next GP appt...

How did you get started with mindfulness?

bassetfeet Thu 06-Jun-13 22:18:10

CIQ I recall that hell of acute anxiety well . Felt like the adrenaline /cortisol switch in my head needed switching off . And no means of doing it .
My help came by a med tricyclic called Dosulepin which isnt used now much . A sedative anti depressant which helped me sleep and sedated me a bit. You are so right in that sleep is what we need .
A tired mind is hellish and distorts life .

Other help is mindfulness which we have talked about before . Keep painting my love if you can .....walking with your dad x......you are a brave lady .

My mantra comes from an ancient cassette tape given to me at the height of my hell .called no more worry by Robert Farago.

No more worry . The future doesnt exist . the future doesnt exist yet.
The past is gone . All we have is here and now .
hug xx

Ooh I could use a cuppa basset

Just tell us one thing you want to say....

bassetfeet Thu 06-Jun-13 21:47:43

Hi all
just popping in to say hello and you are all in my thoughts . It is so lovely to see Vicars thread so well used and so comforting for us .

So much I want to write but cant seem to get the flow going . Arghh !
No doubt you will be nose down on keyboard snoring when I get my mind back from its vagueness grin. Feel strange but not in bad way . Think there is so much I want to type and too much to answer to if you get me ? I have learned so much from you ladies .x

I am waffling so have a hug . So much easier if we lived in our virtual village . My teapot and bottle of Aldis finest wine would be open ...as would my back door to you all .xxxx

Night snowy

Hi hoochy glad to hear your GP is clued up work-wise - hope you found the appointment helpful.

Have found it impossible to shake the high anxiety, tenseness this afternoon, so have been reading about Cortisol which has a lot to answer for, and am now thinking about seriously reducing my sugar intake and getting hold of some serious supplements after reading an old thread on MN. Something else I read was this which at the end says sleep is vital for neurogenesis (ie its good to sleep) which I thought we could probably all do with hearing!

Night all x

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