Why can't I feel better?

[Allysunflower]

Hi I've posted on here a few times in regard to my medication and anxiety/depression:( I've been bad now since Xmas and swooped and changed meds now on escitalopram 20mg as of Tuesday but the nausea is not improving and I'm really fed up of it, the anxiety isn't a lot better either, I feel really flat too and numb if that makes sense, I want to enjoy my life with my 3 beautiful kids and husband but everyday I feel so bad, I just can't see any improvements, I also have to take diazeprams but they seem to be becoming less effective, please help me someone, I just spend a lot of time crying and really shaky like palpitations all the time?:( x

[Fluffydressinggown]

Do you have anyone you can contact IRL? A sympathetic GP or a community mental health team?

Have you tried talking treatments like CBT, they can be helpful.

I am sorry you feel so low.

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi Ally,
so sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I completely understand your frustration about feeling so bad for so long. How long have you been on ADs in total now? In my experience it can take quite a while to find the right AD at the right dose before you gradually start to improve, and at the time it feels like you will never feel better than you do now. I'm sure you will, but it does take time. Having said that, lots of crying and shaking sounds really tough. How well do you get on with your GP? Do you have the option to ring them today and explain how bad you're still feeling, or as fluffy said is there anyone else you can talk to? I'd also recommend the Samaritans (who I've called in the past) they are good at listening and unpicking an overwhelmed brain when you can't think straight. Thinking of you, hang in there x

[Allysunflower]

Thanks I see mental health team and gp but to be honest are not a lot of help, I'm sure they just think its just all my anxiety and I need to give it time? I've been on citalopram before up until Xmas for 4 years then had a bad episode and was changed to mirtazapine now after 3 months back on citalopram but more recently escitalopram, saw psychiatrist Tuesday whos upped the dose to 20mg so been on that 4 nights, but I've felt nauseaous for weeks now? Just really struggling to push through all this? I'm scared I'm never going to feel well again, sickness is awful but nothing offered to help, say its mostly anxiety related? it's a horrible feeling all this:( x

[ColouringInQueen]

Ally wow you've a really tough time, but glad to hear you're under a psychiatrist. Sorry to hear you've not had much help about anxiety - just the Diazepam I'm guessing. I had to revert to morning sickness tactics when mine was bad. You've probably tried the ginger/mints/frequent plain snacks etc? Do you have any relaxation techniques/resources? My DH was given some CDs from his counsellor to help control his anxiety. I know how hard it is to believe you will get through this but you will, hopefully the escitalopram will do the trick - maybe at a higher dose. Do you have any support from family/friends in real life?

[Allysunflower]

Hi yes I tried thinking of it like its a pregnancy sickness too! Tried all the other things as well, have had a phone call back off a group called mind and they are meant to be getting back to me again over talking therapies? not heard as yet:( I've only really my kids and hubby and a lady called jean who's recently been supportive only because she didn't know, a lot of my friends I thought were friends haven't been around and that hurts, my mum and sister don't speak to me and that too has been horrible, long story but one which I don't even understand, my darling dad died 16 Years ago and he was my rock! Miss him terribly, so not a lot of support really:( I just feel so guilty for not being able to enjoy things, my 2 year old is growing up so fast and I feel like I'm such a bad mum, but feeling so bloody nauseaous doesn't exactly make you feel up to much with that and the anxiety, thank you for your messages:) do you think I need to just plod on with tablets? just feel I'm making no progress:( did you all feel similar things this long? x

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi Ally glad to hear you have DH and friend at least. It can be hard with friends - some of mine have backed off. One has been great though. Sorry to hear about your dad, I know what you mean about him being a rock - my dad is too (mum not so good...)

I do understand the guilt and when I was at my worst I couldn't see anything positive, whereas now I do believe that it is better to be a depressed mum rather than not here at all . It is so hard to be a mum when you have dep/anxiety, and I find I have to consciously try and be kind to myself - if I was a good friend, what would I say to myself etc...

I'm not sure what to advise re: your ADs tbh, my DH and my experience has been more straightforward in terms of persevering with one - for me Fluoxetine, upping dose to 40mg and combining with Trazodone - another AD but one good for anxiety and sending you off to sleep.. I do remember having weeks thinking is this drug actually doing anything, but somehow managing to keep going taking them. If you haven't been on the right AD yet then it will take a while for the escitalopram to take effect. When's your next appointment with psychiatrist? Did he/she give an indication of how long they would take to work? Hope you're hanging in there tonight. I have some chores to do but will be back later...

[Allysunflower]

Hi thanks, having a really bad day today thought my mood was slightly improving but today I feel so low again, crying all the time:( the nausea is getting to me lots, I know I've been on the new dose 4 nights, psychiatrist wanted me to give it at least 10-14 days? but it's this sickness that's getting me down although he says that's the anxiety? He did say if by then things in my mood not improved a lot about adding something called seroquel? starting low dose, its relying on the tablets to pull me up that's hard and taking the diazeprams? I'm just feeling like I'm not ever going to get better:( x

[Allysunflower]

Hi can I also ask did you feel a little bit better in the early evening? I'm noticing that, the nausea is still there but slightly less anxious/agitated? can't understand it? psych said he's heard that a lot of people? I'm so worried this isn't going to improve, it will be 7 nights tonight on new dose? Not sure what to think, or even if I'm taking the tablets in the evening is the right thing, no dr says the same thing? I'm so agitated still and palpitations so having to use the diazepram but it's not that great, I just feel like crying all the time one minute and then the next feel so flat? The nausea is not relenting yet either, I'm convincing myself it's more than just anxiety because it's still there when I'm a little less anxious if that makes sense? god please tell me I'm going to get there, it's been months now on n off diff meds:( x

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi Ally,
yes I often feel better in the evenings. I can't remember properly but I think there's a chemical connection - something you have more of in the morning and less in the evening (or vice versa!) Not sure about best time of day to take escitalopram tbh - when did you take your citalopram? So sorry you're having such a rough time.

[Allysunflower]

I use to always take it when I was on it for 4 years or so in an evening? so that's why I thought I'd do the same, thanks for your reply, maybe that explains it then, and yes thanks I'm just battling on:( see gp tomoz but it will be the same old thing, I'm just fed up of this nausea/lack of appetite thing, did you have anything like this? The first time I went on citalopram I can't remember feeling as bad as this for this long? but I didn't have the swoping and changing? I know I was nauseaous and the anxiety was bad but just can't remember how long for? Are you a lot better now huni? thank you again x

[ColouringInQueen]

Evening makes sense then! I had really awful nausea with fluoxetine for a good two weeks, it was so bad my GP suggested I reduce from 20 to 10mg and that helped too. The other thing that may be worth talking to your GP about is your actual stomach. Before I presented with my depression, I had been having a very sore stomach with some nausea (just below rib cages) which had various tests for but stress seemed most likely cause (gastritis type thing). I was prescribed an antacid called omeprazole which after a few weeks started to improve things. When I started the fluox, I was also advised to double the omep to help with stomach symptoms. And today, recovering from D&V today I've taken an extra omep and it's helped with v sore tummy.

I'm sure chopping and changing won't be helping, and anxiety does cause nausea, but if it was me I would say how long you've been feeling naseous for (if you haven't already) can you actually quantify it in weeks, and did you have it before taking ADs? Today I've been eating dry toast, dry cornflakes and just now plain pasta. Another thing it might be worth trying if your stomach is sore is avoiding foods high in acid eg tomatoes, citrus, coffee.

Thanks for asking the fluox is def helping with the depression now, anxiety still a bit troublesome - back to GP next week...

[Allysunflower]

Hi thanks for your reply, the gp did look into giving me that drug omeprazole but it interacts with the diazepram, so he's given me this other drug forgotten the name at the mo, but it's not doing a lot, he said its gentler and won't interact, with the ssri or diazepram, I do always stress about it all and how long it's been going on, and looking back the nausea was here before the tablets and came with the start of the anxiety and depression, how long have you been on the flux? I'm looking for an improvement and at the moment can't see it? I dread the mornings and the day, which I think maybe making it worse because the minute I wake up im feeling sick? just wish my mood would lift huni, it's taking so long, been ill since last dec! then meds changed etc, just feels like such slow progress, my dr just acts like its down to me to change this? I see him tomoz but it's never an answer, do you think I'm expecting too much too soon? x x

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi yes I wondered that about omeprazole - I think that's why I'm on fluoxetine rather than something that treats anxiety better, which is ironic seeing as anxiety caused the gastritis. (Veeeery sore stomach tonight ).

I am imagine its very hard feeling down for so long. I do remember that feeling of "is it ever going to get better" for about the first 6 weeks on ADs. Kept asking DH do you think these are helping, shall I keep taking them? I've been on the fluox since beginning Feb and I think have really started feeling the benefits that last couple of weeks (not helped by having to reduce dose early on). Is the GP you've been seeing your usual one? Is there an option to get someone else's opinion? My original GP went on maternity leave and the woman I'm seeing now is better.

[Allysunflower]

Hi I'm glad your doing a lot better, I just want some hope:) no its the usual gp tomoz! he just passes the buck back to mental health team and vice versa, it's a really bad system, 2 weeks ago he rang up the mental health team saying I was suicidal and told me someone would be ringing me???? I had to chase it up, then I was told the crisis team would be getting in touch and I've never heard a word? It's a disgrace here, so let down, so not exactly expecting a lot tomoz, he wont give anything for the nausea and will just say I've got to keep on with the dose I'm on?? I do even wonder why I'm going? xx