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Hand-holding needed. I'm going to tell my new dp that I'm 'probably' bipolar.

(10 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Wed 17-Apr-13 23:22:34

I have no idea how he will react but I have to be honest. We have been dating for two months.

My background: Mum was bipolar. As a teen I started getting depressive ephisodes. At the age of 21 and after being in an abusive relationship I ended up on a psychiatric ward with a severe hypomanic episode. I was put on sodium valproate which I stopped during pregnancy due to risk of feotal damage. I soldiered on since then but took citralopram when my mum died to keep me 'well'. I am now off it but since meeting my new dp I have been taking the contraceptive pill Levest for two months. I always had bad pmt but since taking this it has gone off the scale. I get very critical of my dp and both time he has understandably distanced himself.

This time I need to tell him the truth. I have dropped hints. I have told him about the bad relationship and about my hospitalisation. I have told him that I react bad to the pill but now I have to say the word bipolar. I think he will end it; I don't blame him. He has two small children to consider and it is a big ask especially with the moods. Trouble is he kind of gives me the silent treatment when I get critical which makes me spiral further. I am terrified of him leaving me but if he does he's not the one and it's not fair on him.

I just want some support on here as I know I will be gutted if he ends it. When I get low moods I text him a lot of fucking drivel and it's driving him away. Also what do i do about the pill and further medication?

My way of dealing with bipolar so far has been almost complete denial. I have never wanted to 'own' it like mum did who was proud of it and just to everyone. It landed her in the shit with regards to her career. I still distrust the psychiatric establishment which mum worshipped. It put her on lithium which destroyed her thyroid.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 18-Apr-13 00:04:49

Someone please!

BrittaPie Thu 18-Apr-13 00:11:13

I'm here

I'm bipolar - I struggled with various meds for ages, but now I am on Lamotrigine and it has given me my life back. First I was on too low a dose and it took a while to build it up, but now I actually feel normal grin

I "own" it, but kind of semi discreetly. So I don't keep it a secret - if someone asks, or if it comes up in conversation I will tell people, but it isn't a big deal. I found that a big step in getting it under control was to properly accept it, though. I kind of had to when I was in hospital anyway.

Is the pill right for you? I know hormones set me off - both times I stopped breastfeeding I went off the scale for a while. I keep considering trying the pill again as I have really heavy periods, but I don't want to risk it, as this is the first time I have felt able to lead a normal life in years.

superstarheartbreaker Fri 19-Apr-13 06:37:24

Hi all. Told him and he dumped me...by email. Beyond gutted but the stone walling made me go psychotic.

Hoophopes Fri 19-Apr-13 19:03:06

Hi if being on the pill is making things worse could you start by going back to your gp and changing your form of contraceptive? That may make all the difference. Do you have a diagnosis of bipolar because if you don't the nodes that make a difference. I thing being dumped by a partner is a depressive thing and normal to be very difficult so it does not mean that you are psychotic. If you want help and think you are psychotic then asking your gp for a referral to a psychiatrist is an option. Or changing contraception and seeing if how you are feeling is a normal reaction to an upsetting situation??

nenevomito Fri 19-Apr-13 20:49:22

Well if he dumped you for that then sad though it is, you've had a lucky escape. Especially by email. Nob.

Sorry to hear he did though. I'm not surprised you're gutted.

BrittaPie Fri 19-Apr-13 22:24:12

If you are having psychotic symptoms, mention it to your GP or whoever is "in charge" of your mental health (ie if you have a CPN talk to them)

Psychosis is no fun I know, but it is possible to live a normal life and be "cured". It can be dangerous if not treated though, so please do.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 24-Apr-13 19:51:43

Hi all. I'm still chain smoking etc to get through the day and very snappy with dd. Went to the doctor and he told me my reaction was normal. Gave me a few sleeping tablets and told me to come back in a few weeks time. I feel so bad for dd as I can't be the mum she needs right now. My temper is sooo frayed.

minkembra Wed 24-Apr-13 19:57:37

Ask your gp for a referral to a psychiatrist. gps are not great at treating bp and any medz should be sorted out by a psychiatrist.
Really it does make a difference.
I find regular exercise makes all the difference and with that and sleep, no caffeine, i have been well for years. touch wood.

minkembra Wed 24-Apr-13 19:58:31

Ps he is a nob. You will get through it and some day probably find someone better.

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