Eating Disorders and Easter...

[TrampyPanterNoster]

Does anyone else struggle around Easter? I have been anorexic since I can remember, I maintain a fairly stable weight but have occasional dips. I've not yet recovered from my last dip and my weight is still on the low side (around 7st) but Ive been trying really hard to sort myself out.

But Easter is always tough. The more chocolate/sweets/junk the house is filled with, the more uptight I get until I physically can't eat. Christmas is the same. Does anyone else struggle?

[TrampyPanterNoster]

bump

[Juneywoony]

Yes it bothers me.....i have bulimia sometimes..sounds odd but i also have bipolar and as part of that and my moods i go through periods of bulimia, going through one at the moment and i just know i am going to pig out on chocolate and then get rid of it. I was the same at Christmas, i just can't stop myself from binging when there is so much lovely food about and then can't fight the urge to make myself sick. It then makes my anxiety worse as i know i shouldn't be doing it but it is a whole vicious circle.

No helpful advice to offer you im afraid but just wanted to let you know you are not on your own, xxx

[TrampyPanterNoster]

Thank you for replying, and sorry you are struggling too. I have recently decide to cut out my mum (whole other thread) and I feel guilty about that. I feel depressed and on edge. I've spent the day baking and now I feel bad about that, because I'll be expected to eat a cake and I don't think I can. Its just so bloody predictible.

[TrampyPanterNoster]

Do you get that physical inability to eat too? As if your throat has closed up. You're right, family don't get it. Friends don't get it. They just look at you like you're a freak. The kitchen is full of treats and I know they will sit there, staring at me for ages.

I want to want to eat. Dh is doing loads of overtime too, so I am getting away with more and he can't keep an eye on me.

As you said though, all be done soon, and its ages til xmas!

[DonnaRoll]

I find Christmas and Easter difficult too. I have had anorexia for 12 years and had treatment during that time but still have major relapses.
I do like chocolate but I know that the guilt of eating any, is too much at the moment.
Thanks for starting the thread, you can feel really alone with an ED and I don't talk to anyone in RL about it anymore.

[mrspink27]

I am so glad it isnt just me. I am going through a really active ED phase at the moment so helps to know I am not alone...

It was my birthday this week and DH wanted to go out for a meal with the DDs which threw me into a blind panic. The DDs also insisted on making an enormous birthday cake which is now torturing me with from the corner. Add to that all the Easter chocolate and I am struggling big time. I feel so trapped by my ED but it's almost like I cant see or dont want to escape from it for fear of a) putting on weight if I ate "normally" and b) unleashing another bank of issues to deal with.

I purposely didnt make my usual Christmas cake this year so it wasnt even in the house...and I LOVE it... hideous, just hideous.

[TrampyPanterNoster]

Thank you all for replying, as you've said, its good to know I'm not alone. Its isolating enoug. Sometimes I feel so hemmed in and trapped.

[TyrionsTrampyPants]

I feel really low today. I have managed to eat a banana and drink 3 cups of lemon and ginger tea. I'm not at all hungry and feel weepy and stressed.

fuckit.

[Crawling]

I have anorexic tendencies I take anti pychs and I have gained 4 stone. I barely eat a childs portion of 1 meal a day and do a 40 minute jog. So I have stopped my meds and since last night I have lost 5 pounds. I am really fighting the urge to diet excessively. I find Easter hard too. But I intend to stay off meds (Bipolar 1) till I have lost weight and I intend to really cut my food right down so I lose the 4 stone in two weeks.

[TyrionsTrampyPants]

Crawling, that doesn't sound good. Are there any other meds that would help? do you have an EDT?

[Crawling]

I am going to ask my pychiatrist if I can switch to Geodon which is a anti pych which is weight neutral. Its so hard to take a med that makes me gain so much weight when I have a ed as well.

I have skipped two doses so two days and I have gone from 12stone 13 (im only 5ft1) to 12 stone 6. Im getting embarrased to go out.

I was doing really well with my ed tendancies and had a stable weight of 9stone 2. In the past when very ill I have dropped to 5 stone but with these meds it doesnt matter how little I eat or how much exercise I do I just cant shift weight.

[Crawling]

I also have not told anyone but you here I havent posted on the bipolar thread because they will push me to take my meds. They dont understand its like telling someone with a eating disorder to just eat a cream bun. I see my meds as worse than any chocolate bar or cream cake.

[TyrionsTrampyPants]

I do understand, and think its a good idea to ask to switch. But not taking your anti-psychs is dangerous. My friend is bipolar and was extremely ill earlier this year from not taking her meds.

That said, I understand the fear. Its such a hard situation

[Crawling]

Thanks tyrone I have looked up my current meds and both are the worst in thier group for weight gain but they are also considered very strong for their group which is why I have been put on them.

[UnsulliedTrampyPants]

You do need to take your meds. Call your psych team and talk to them about it, you clearly need some different meds to manage your bipolar and your ed together. I know that Ive been on loads of different ADs to try to manage depression and my anorexia, some made it worse, some made me gain weight, which freaked me out.

[Nannyme1]

A lot of you say you are going through a bad ED phase again which makes me ask he question is there even a point to trying? Does it ever actually o away, it's going on 10 years for me... Have not been underweight the e tire time but even at healthy weight have anorexic mind set and periods of bulimia, I'm quite bad at the moment only a few kgs to go and I will be underweight which is scary but is there any point in trying if nothing ever actually get better?

[ThisKnifeitDoesNotCutDeepEnoug]

Nanny, this thread is a few months old and around a triggering time I suppose but I'm going to reply as I have been thinking about this.

When I feel recovered I really feel recovered, but then for the last 5 years since I got out of my really bad bulimic phase I have had about 1 relapse a year and am in one now. In fact this time it is getting into a couple of months. It always begins with anorexic - behaviour (I have never been dx'd anorexic, I always start b/p'ing and my weight never gets low enough, it is like some kind of vile joke that I struggle so much with an ED yet have never been considered even underweight, although people do notice when I suddenly lose weight), I am in that phase now, the anorectic behaviour, not bp'ing, I don't want to start doing that again. This has also been going on long enough for me to feel really crap again, and for eating to make my tummy gurgle and feel yuk enough for me to dread the thought of re-feeding.

Despite all this my point is when I am feeling okay I feel like I can do this, in fact I suppose even the thought that I am dreading re-feeding means I know I will do that (idk how though) but at least I am no longer stuck thinking this will be my always, and so maybe each relapse isn't quite so bad, and just maybe, one day, I'll pre-empt it even happening.

So yeah there is a point trying and if you have kids I suppose, like for me, that in itself is the point.

[Nannyme1]

Thanks for the reply.
I'm in a terrible place at the moment so appreciate your views.

[ThisKnifeitDoesNotCutDeepEnoug]

I am on a name change so not sure I can be pm'd but maybe start a ED support thread, I would be happy to chat feeling and I'm sure we can't be the only ones struggling with EDs atm?! xxx