Can living with a Stressed/Depressed DH cause Depression?

[StressedWife]

Need to talk to someone.

DH is stressed. Doesn't sleep. Needs a new job, can't afford to just leave.

Has now been signed off. In second week off & had Doc's appt today who says another 2 weeks. I am Soooooo scared that he is just going to get sacked on any pretence as soon as he goes back. I am stressed over his health. If I voice my worries it makes him worse & it all spirals.

My job is also C**P at the moment, but it is good pay for part time & at least a regular income.

I think the worry over DH is making my job problems expand out of proportion. I am sooo tired & extremely emotional. Wonder if the doc would sign me off :)

Do you think I have "caught" his depression?

How do you all cope?

Sorry for the ramble.

[tribpot]

A very stressful home life definitely magnifies other problems; I find it immensely difficult to cope with stress at work - just as you say, you become extremely tired and emotional, and the problems get all out of proportion.

I guess one thing is to remember that you do have things out of proportion, try and take a step back. If you have a sympathetic boss (as I do) you could mention it and that might help you feel more supported?

Take some time for yourself - v difficult with kids, I know, but even an hour of 'me time' will help you de-stress.

[GarfieldsGirl]

Definately take an hour of 'me-time', just a soak in the bath, or curl up with a book, and give DH some time to himself too.

I know how hard it is when he's so down too, and you don't want to add to his worries. I often feel like i can't whinge, or even appear a little down because it will make him feel worse, and make him feel guilty for making me feel down. And then it becomes a vicious circle of one not wanting to make the other feel guilty.

I'm lucky that my gp is fantastic, adn I can go to her and have a whinge and a cry, and he can do the same. We have learnt though, that you do have to talk about it together, and explain to each other how you're both feeling, and even cuddle up together and have a good cry. It is such a cliche, but it does make it easier to share the problems.

Although it can be hard, if you can stay strong for each other when you each need it, you will be able to get through the hard times like this.

[cherryberry]

Don't worry too much that he will be sacked,no body is allowed to sack you just because you're off sick.It's good that he has got the time off he needs to relax.Don't put any unnecessary pressure on him,you'll have to vent your worries elsewhere.You must be having a horrible time I can empathise.Has he had any problems with work before.Work can be quite unsympathetic to psychological problems and time off.What you have to remember to protect yourselves concerning bosses and personel if they decide to probe him about his illness is that it is your private business.Don't let them have access to his medical notes,don't tell them what medication he is on,be very vague about any explanations and say he is having some personal problems which will soon be resolved and that is why he is stressed.There is still plenty of stigma out there.Be strong you can do it.

[Piggiesmum]

not really got any advice just lots of sympathy.

DH took 2 months off with work related stress a few years ago.

You will almost certainly be affected by his stress/depression. It is very emotianally tiring and worrying for you too. I used to think 'what if he never comes out of it' I had to be careful what I said/did as seemingly innocuous things would set him off.

I can't remember how i cope. I'm not sure i did cope particularly well. I actually found going to work a bit of relief from it tbh.

Sorry thats probably not much help, just wanted to let you know your not alone.

[souvenir]

I really sympathise with you. My dp's been under huge pressure since last July and has become steadily more depressed. He's taking an AD now and it's helped but he's become very behind in his work and may indeed lose his job by the end of this year. Of course meeting deadlines just makes him worse.

What effect on me? Well, I don't know if I'm coming or going. Drinking too much. Sleeping badly. Irritable. Often feeling like I just can't stand any more and very frightened about the future.

[StressedWife]

Thanks for all your replies. It's great to know I'm not the only one.

DH resigned from a job 2 years ago to set up his own business, but an injury stopped that. He returned to old line of business but the job he was employed for was immediately changed, meant an existing employee moving & created lots of tensions - Not DH's fault. He has targets which are literally Impossible! Co. run by foreigners who don't understand UK market.

He needs a new job, and we will learn to live on less money (been there before), but in the meantime I am left like this. I am worried that I will become depressed too.

Thanks for the support.