Im going Manic

[Crawling]

I get very bad pychotic manic episodes which includes sleeping around and getting into fights. life threatening behaviour is also par for the course.

I ve started having mild symtoms. I am less tired at night, keep wanting to be single to sleep around have more energy. Want to go out find it hard to be in the house. Really want to get drunk and ive been dreaming about taking drugs. These symptoms are mild and easily controlled and I dont want to tell anyone in case im wrong. I have recently been on a year long depression and im wondering what if this is just how it feels to be normal?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Hi, do you think it would help to see your GP or CPN, if you have one? Or are they the people you don't want to tell?

[Crawling]

Plus if im totally honest I dont want to tell anyone in case they stop me going out.

Plus how do you say to your dp hey honey I feel like sleeping atound.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Are you taking medication? What's helped in the past?

[Crawling]

I am taking medication I dont really want to tell anyone because a part of me feels like it will be fun and maybe I can control it. Use it to just have a bit of fun.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

I think I understand that thrill-seeking, but please think about your safety too. Do you have a CPN you could talk with confidentially?

[Crawling]

I do have a cpn and I know if I leave it much longer I wont be able to tell her. But its so so hard when right now I dont care about consequeces and dont think ill be hurt. Plus I am already so far that I want to go manic. I keep tellibg myself of the consequences but right now the thought of being stopped from going out scares me more.

I might text my cpn I said I would if I felt ill.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

I think it would be a really good idea to text your CPN.

Yes you want the buzz and are not thinking of consequences now, but you are maybe not thinking clearly enough to make that judgement yourself.

Good luck

[Crawling]

Thank you

[mawbroon]

Yes, speak to your CPN. It sounds like you still have insight which will probably stop and leave you really in a bad place. Act now while you still can.

I totally understand the attraction of being manic, but it's just not worth it.

[Crawling]

Thank you both and thanks waferthinmint that means alot to me. I will text in the morning see what she says.

[nenevomito]

You know you're getting manic, so now is the time to at least stay in control of your sleep and contact your CPN. If you get it in control now, you may just have a really nice period of energy where you can enjoy going out without losing control.

If you don't and end up manic and psychotic, you'll end up in hospital which will be shit and will def not be going out anywhere. I know the allure of mania when its nice and energetic and exciting, but you know its shit when it goes too far.

Good you have insight. You're a smart cookie Crawling.

[SirBoobAlot]

Hey Crawling.

As someone who goes on self destructive streaks, PLEASE call someone. I know you feel like you are unbeatable right now, but you truly are not. Do not let this get the better of you, control this episode, and seek the professional support you need to get through this.

I've been struggling this week with not doing anything drastic (when I'm in those kind of moods, it's self harm, drinking, starting arguments, considering jumping in front of trains just "because"...). I'm here holding your hand. Know how you are feeling right now. x

[Crawling]

Spoke to cpn they are going to increase their visits and keep a eye on me. Thanks sirboob and Babyheave.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

That's great, Crawling. I admire you for taking that step, in spite of your urge to let yourself go.

[SirBoobAlot]

Well done Crawling. You're a superstar. x

[Crawling]

Thanks guys it was so hard to tell them im glad they are not pushing meds or in patient stays yet.

[SirBoobAlot]

How are you feeling today, Crawling?

[Crawling]

Sorry only just saw this I still feel up but its a stable up so thats good.

[nenevomito]

Glad to hear you're stable. A bit of up doesn't hurt and can be good for the soul. Really pleased that you're working with your HCPs. :)

[Crawling]

Thanks Babyheave I usually take about 2-3 months to get completly manic/pychotic then it lasts for about a month so still need to keep an eye.