Cant stop crying ....

[BigLippedMumma]

I'm so sick of me, and my life. I have sat in bed all day just crying. I feel so helpless & alone. My OH is so patronizing to me when I'm like this. "oh just another one of them days" "you need to go to a loony bin" like I can control how I feel??!! I have a beautiful DD other wise I wouldn't be here no more. My OH knew what was up with me when wemet but I'm such a god damn inconvenience, because who else will clean , cook wash etc?!
Sorry. I just have no one

[3MenAndMe]

Hi,
Just read your post and PLEASE,go to nearest A&E or better to one of those Emergency Assessment Units in Mental Health Units near you
If you are not sure call NHS Direct and they will be able to direct you..
Do not leave it and hope it will get better....Well it will but help yourself NOW and talk to somebody...
I really symphatise with you after struggling myself and at the beginning my husband was the same,saying I am being hormonal etc...It drove me mad as all I needed was understanding and ocassional hug....
DO NOT LEAVE IT.....I know it is hard to find strenght and be brave but do it for your own sake and for your LO

[duchesse]

Personally I'd say your OH is the problem, not you. Your OH is being utterly horrible to you. You do not deserve this. He does not deserve you. Is there anywhere you can go with your DD without him? Family?

[duchesse]

How old is your DD? Is there any chance you could have post-natal depression?

[BigLippedMumma]

I don't think my OH understands what I feel/think. This is the worst I've felt in months. Years even. My OH is ringing drs tomorrow for urgent app . I finally told my OH exactly how I felt, and I think my OH realized it isn't hormones or just a bad day. My DD is nearly 8, so not PND. I've been to a therapist who said I show signs of a personality disorder, and the usual depression.
I just don't want to be here. I look in the mirror & don't see me. Because its not me. It is someone else. I don't recognise my voice, my cries. Because it just isn't me. I haven't slept for about 4 nights now. I'm tired, I yawn, but just lay there.

[3MenAndMe]

Well,he DOES care,he is worried about you and decided to call Dr's so do not worry about this.IMO he is probably one of those who care but have difficulty to express is.
PND can drag on for years if not diagnosed properly.
Do you think there was a trigger for how you currently feel?
Try something relaxing now if possible,try to have good sleep as tiredness will make you even worse...
Do you have Bach Rescue Remedy at home or tiny bit of sweet liquer,it may take your mind of constantly thinking about how you are feeling...
Hot bath if you fancy one,cup of warm milk and banana will help you to get into sleeping mode....

[BigLippedMumma]

I finally fell asleep about 5 this morning. I was up at 6:45 with my DD. I feel lost, confused & ... Angry. Angry because my OH is sleeping still in bed, while I deal with everything. So maybe I don't need doctors then.
If I can get up & I'm expected to, then I'm fine. I've cried twice this morning, my head is throbbing. Every time I move it feels like someone is squeezing it.
Just another day where my breakdowns are swept under the carpet & I just smile , act like I don't want to grab the nearest knife....

I'm so tired , so so tired

[duchesse]

You absolutely need to get to the GP today. Your lack of sleep must be contributing massively to how crap you feel, but you do also need to get help with the way you're feeling. Has DH made the appointment yet? If not, please please pick up the phone now, or take yourself down to the surgery.

[BigLippedMumma]

I feel so let down by my OH . All the talk, worrying etc yesterday & today ?? Nothing. Still in bed. What I would do to still be in bed. It took every bit of energy to get up. I'm now laying on the sofa. I feel terribly sick, and cold all the time. I feel cold to the bone. No matter what I do I cant warm up. I know I sound like a spoilt child. But I never get any support when I need it. My DD keeps asking what's wrong. Just can't wait til she's in school so I can let it all out & cry in peace.
If OH stays in bed all day again, I wont have time to go GP. I have house to tidy, as I was absent most weekend, nothing got tidied but everything got messed up.
Sorry to go on , when I haven't spoke to anyone apart fromOH in nearly 3 months I tend to ramble a bit.

[duchesse]

That's OK, that's what we're here for. Is your DD at school now?

Is so, just walk out of the house, go to your GP's and wait for an appointment. The housework can wait. You can refer yourself. Tell them exactly how you are feeling. Please, it is so very important. A lot more important than tidying the house.

[BigLippedMumma]

She's at school now.

My OH just woke up & first thing said was "what's wrong with you?" ... Hmm ..
Took me back a little bit, the past 3 days been a dream? Now we are not talking because my depressive mood has obviously effected OH more than myself.

I can't afford to have my meds upped . Or change. Because I need to keep goin & some days I'm knocked for six.

I hate my life

[Queenofknickers]

Please please take duchesse's advice - the GP might have all sorts of things to help you - not all drugs knock you out - please go and take that step to let them help you

[duchesse]

Hope you have gone to the doctor's, Mumma.

[BigLippedMumma]

My doctors are so s**t. I have to wait til Wednesday...
I don't want to tell the receptionist what is wrong. Not just because I think its private, but because she is my next door neighbor ... (And loves a good gossip) I live in a very small village, word gets round about everything.
Just hope Wednesday comes quickly ...
I keep having waves of crying.
Why am I so cold?? Always cold.

[duchesse]

Have you had your thyroid checked?

[duchesse]

Hypothyroidism.

[BigLippedMumma]

Never had anything checked like that.

I feel a little bit better, I've had 6 hours to myself , to refocus. I know I've got drs on Wednesday. That's all I keep saying. In the past 5 days I've slept a total of 7 hours & 45 mins.
Yet I can't sleep. When I close my eyes, I'm still awake.
Having an active child, that little sleep is having an effect.
Wish Wednesday would hurry up

Thank you for replying

[duchesse]

It's the deep feeling of cold that's a bit telltale. Do you have an accurate thermometer at home? If so take your temperature. If it's below 36C at any time you should certainly ask them to check your thyroid levels. Have a look at the symptoms on that Wiki page and see if any of them fit.

[duchesse]

I hope your appointment goes well today Mumma. Don't forget to tell them everything that's happening, including the cold!

[Queenofknickers]

Thinking of you at your appointment today - totally agree tell GP exactly what you've told us xxxxxx remember you deserve help and you will get better xxxx

[BigLippedMumma]

Hi

I've been put on sertraline and have to go back in 3 weeks to talk more. There's a 6 month waiting list for councillors. That's what she wants me to do next. Long wait is frustrating.

Thank you for your concerns xxxx

[duchesse]

Did you mention the feeling cold thing? And did your GP moot taking bloods to test for thyroid problems?

May you begin to get better quickly.

[BigLippedMumma]

I told her it all . She just gave me pills & said about councillors. She is pretty useless
Ty

[duchesse]

Did you have a lookie at the symptoms of hypothyroidism to see if anything fitted in terms of symptoms? Before I went on thyroxine my useless GP tried to put me on ADs even though I knew that wasn't the issue. He refused to accept that my supposedly "sublinical" hypothyroidism (ie not bad enough to treat) was actually making me really ill.