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Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!(967 Posts)
in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....
welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.
linky to old thread
Thats all I can manage tonight. Been out since 9.30am. Only just got in.
Update properly tomorrow (or after a bottle of wine)...
well, readers, I left cubs...
until I feel well again anyway! been crying most of the day so will say more tomorrow. sleep is needed.
So nice you have an understanding DH, CiQ, and one in whom the DC are happy to confide their worries and feelings.
About me - what to write? Am 60 with 2 young adult DC, divorced just over a year ago, now just share my lovely big house with DCat. For many reasons
many of which are stalkable if you want I think I have AS, and come from an AS family. This meant I was a bit weird, and so was my family! I also think I may have Inattentive Attention Deficit Disorder, which didn't show up cos I was brainy and love to study. But left to my own devices find it so so hard to get started.
LT marriage, but through MN I came to understand that it was abusive, but by then I had a diagnosis of poss bi-polar. Depression lifted as soon as filed divorce papers, to be replaced by increased stress! I am happier than I have been for Oh! such a long time, but still find it difficult to get started, and can fall into a slump if not careful. Luckily I am retired so can schedule my time as I please - including naps if I want.
Am on a maintenance dose of 20 mg paroxatine. Last year I became sleep deprived after my stressful year under the same roof with Ex, and had a few days in a psych hospital while the resulting psychosis was swiftly brought under control.
Visited local Pennines the day before yesterday, I drove up Weardale and just over the other side into Cumbria. 6 in snow on the fells, but the roads were clear.
Hugs helles. I think I need to leave brownies for a bit but don't feel like I can make the break.
Talk about it when you are ready.
Hi Ed enjoy the wine .
Hi Silvery yes am lucky on the DH front! Oooh Penines - Cumbria sounds lovely.
Hello Helles good for you. Sometimes - and esp at the mo - we have to put ourselves first. Hope you have a good sleep.
Weardale is even lovelier imho but we keep this to ourselves round here Yes Cumbria is beautiful
Oh and what I was going to say - HB that is good news. I think some time away from cubs will be good for you...
a very warm welcome from me too CIQ hope you find this thread helpful. i also adore the lakes. we had our best holiday there. and our first holiday was in the dales. my dsis fave place in the world was gunnerside. im a real country girl at heart and would love to move to the middle of nowhere! we spent a few months living in the middle of rural suffolk....i adored it. would happily do that again.
helles - so sorry you are sad today, im sure you will be back at cubs when you are feeling able to. Think of it as a little holiday. (hugs) from me. it will be fine.
waves to everyone else - nana SPC ed basset mama and hopefully UA, boobs and anyone else i have missed because i have the most shocking memory lately....
productive day for me. i was going to have a lay in but i didnt. i had a facial, DH brought home some bread he had just baked that was heavenly....a rustic soda bread. it was devine. ate too much of it and then finished all the painting in bathroom. it is gorgeous. first time ive ever had a wonderful bathroom. ive folded and put fluffy towels in the towel rack. ran a lovely bath with some laura mercier bubbles and a glass of wine....
i have discovered the joys of a squeegee.....(yes. i am that sad!)
i rang and confirmed my interview today. (though im very conflicted.....as always, no idea what i want anymore.) still absolutely no word from work. ive been ready to go back now for 3 weeks. i think they are ignoring me now tbh. i get the feeling mental health problems are distinctly frowned upon within the force....people are respected for soldiering on. and im sad because i have always managed to soldier on. no one at work knows me. they will think im flaky now. and that saddens me. but there is sod all i can do about it so i need to stop worrying about it. i am dreaming about going back....and being totally and utterly ignored. probably not far from the truth. i think people will be resentful and think i have "milked it" even though ive only in the last few weeks felt like my old self....
oh lordy im rambling again.
right. off for a ramble round the boards. i must think of an easter name....
love to all. apologies if i missed anyone. x
vicar you don't need to think about anything except preparing for your interview so brilliant that you got one. Do you have to do a presentation or anything, or is it 'just'! an interview?
i think its just a bog standard interview....its not a very exciting position - just an admin post, but the position demanded 2 things which i have experience in.
i will cross all bridges as and when. im not thinking about it.
i just so scared of making the wrong decision. but i dont need to think about it yet. i may not even get past interview.
and im my brain addled state i actually put my new suit skirt in a charity bag and kept my old one. im so cross with myself but its long gone. luckily i own the same skirt in a previous incarnation....just the lining changed. still cross about it though.
Thanks vicar oh your dsis had good taste - gunnerside is beautiful . I can understand the temptation to move to the countryside too - I sometimes dream of escaping to the Isle of Skye! But I think I am looking at that with some romantic specs on as a lot of the time I think its side-ways rain...
I think you're doing brilliantly to go to an interview tomorrow. Can you just try and view it as good practice? Loving the sound of your bathroom too sounds like a great space to retreat to and pamper yourself. All the best for tomorrow.
thank you CIQ - the interview is actually in April...not quite tomorrow....so have a wee bit of time to prepare.
... yep, another scrambled brain here! Hope your Thursday is not so stressful then!
I might come and join in tomorrow or so, will have a think upon it.
you would be very welcome kitten....
thank you queenie....tomorrow i am going to the stables to spend the day playing poniios! think i have a riding lesson. i will stay for the day though and help out.
i will need my new bathroom by tomorrow night!
Very quiet here?
Have to get ready for
dirty few days away, and then a visit to my DF and DM. Have long list. Am at level 3. But am MNetting
SPC .... enjoy your time away!
Welcome to Queenie, OhYouBadBadKitten (I have enjoyed some of your weather threads) and a big wave to all. I am on level 3 and DD has reverted to level 1.
CIQ that is a lot of change; even though it may not feel like it under the circumstances - and you write that it feels as though there is no solid ground at the moment - you and DH are working your way through this and you are working together. You also sound self-aware, which is a useful tool to working your way through things.
Egg your positive and negative lists have been interesting to read and I have started to do the same and found it makes me feel better when I look back at the day. Re. the sleepover; I understand your worries and it is perfectly natural. How does DD feel about it and could you pose scenarios with her or see if she can come up with them and to decide what she would do in those situations? At the end of the day, you know her best but if she does go I would make it a condition that she phones you up if things are not right. If her personality allows, I would let her go, give her the opportunity to work it through if necessary, but letting her understand that walking away fro ma bad situation isn't about losing or being scared. It is about protecting yourself. As she has spoken with you about the bullying before, I would pick it up from there. Don't make a big issue, keep it neutral, and as Nana wrote, try not to let your anxiety come through.
Nana I am really glad you asked us to write a bit about ourselves. There was so much written across the previous threads that a summary was helpful for my little brain. I hope HM is on best behaviour and the new meds are working well.
Snowy a big hug, and to you if you're reading.
Hugs to UA and SirBoobsalot
(I hope I haven't missed any of the regulars; hugs to all reading).
Bugs I have really enjoyed the chats you and others have been having about the Pennines and Lakes. I keep thinking I need to visit one day and that has intensified the thoughts. Kindness is often overlooked; sometimes simply being acknowledged or a quick smile can make such a difference. I am glad that your path crossed with that of the GP who has helped you.
Vicar it is only fair to feel apprehensive. I am terrified at the thought of being in a working relationship; I have done some volunteering to re-introduce the idea of working with others but in my mind it is not quite the same thing. Ultimately, whether with the police or elsewhere - you seem to now understand that the job is not worth sacrificing yourself for. It isn't about failure; it's about self-preservation. Some thing don't work out. There is no bad decision but give yourself a 'get out of jail free' card perhaps if you decide that whatever it is simply is not worth the cost to yourself. Enjoy the stables and the bathroom. (I want fluffy towels and a pretty bathroom now! That is a positive thought )
Helles that must have been a tough decision. I know that both yourself and Egg put a lot into cubs and brownies and so many children and families have benefited; taking a break when you need it is a good thing. I think it is better for you and them rather than trying to keep on going when there's so much going on and you don't feel that it is getting your 100 %. Knowing when to give yourself space is important.
my theme today seems to be about boundaries, self-preservation and giving yourself the time and space. (scribbles down Note to Self)
DD is on day 6 of being unwell. She had another fever yesterday and was very sleepy so we went to see the GP and now we are watching closely over today as she is fairly limited (some sneezing, coughing, redness in ears and nasal passages but no obvious cause).
Hi vicar how was your day at the stables - hope you got a ride in!
Thanks Mama yes my Doc said I had good insight which I am hoping is helpful! Hope your DD recovers soon. There do seem to be some nasty viruses around this year - my DCs have each been off for 5 days with a fever, cough etc...
Have managed to go to college today to paint (oils/acrylics) and produced a good pic so that's satisfying Now just have do get through the 3-8pm kids slot inc dyeing two t shirts as DCs have to wear green 2moro. Have never dyed anything before so really hope it works! Anxiety rears its head in this circ so am doing a lot of deep breathing...
all the best everyone.
Enjoy your time away SPC . Agree about the very beautiful Weardale . Four seasons in one day and breathtaking
but secret oh yes
Helles what is up ? you sounded so distressed in your post. Sending a hug to you and hope you slept and a new fresh day gave you some strength and peace .
To be a CUB leader must be very full on and with all the health and safety /parents /pressure /politics in the group never ending onslaught I imagine? Think you are wise to take a sabbatical from it all . .Thinking of you.
Vicar really pleased to read that you have interview. You have a lot of transferable skills .......useful skills .........communication skills ........so many.
Maybe this work is lower paid but if it is within the NHS then working up the ladder is always there . Lots of jobs are advertised internally first . Not surprised at lack of mail from the police sadly Vicar. This govt are not listening to the front line officers . Maybe they will when riots break out this year or next and no police available/on strike if it comes about .
Loving the bathroom transformation chat. . And the horses . You sound despite the stress of work hanging over you , more like yourself as I imagine you were and always have been .
Mama I love your posts and the thought put into them . I have firm image in my head of you and it is always calming..though guess you may not feel it .
I read and want to come round to yours and sit on a cushion . Erm not a stalker . You must be worried about your DD . They are so vulnerable when unwell and you must be fretful . Hope the doctor has reassured you and the wee one is back to annoyingly good health soon bless her . I am mother to two adult sons .....and the invisible umbilical cord is always there and pulling me when they are unhappy /unwell . You must think about a visit back to the NORTH one day Mama .
Now where the blazes is Egg/Ed ? You ok ? miss your diary as it keeps us all in line . Hope you are alright .
Where is Nana our feisty lovely mentor ? Hugs online friend if life is hard at the minute and the meds are kicking in . Thinking of you .
Snowy how are things with you ? I cant imagine what you are dealing with but am I right that you have firm diagnosis now ? So hope that you have people with you to chat to and share a pizza/film with while getting the support and meds to recover and get home again soon
BadBadKitten hope you join us and welcome from me .
Funny thing this internet. I have been very down . DONT CARE down . yes aggressively so so sorry for caps . But this thread has now got me thinking about maybe getting the oomph to paint my hall [vicars bathroom chat]. I am thinking about maybe a day out to the lovely places I live near thanks to the chat about the landscape around me .Take a picnic .
CIQ So nice to read your mails ......intuitive and kind. Ah the isle of Skye was one of my dreams also . Nowt wrong with dreams . x
Thanks SPC hope you have a good break and enjoy the landscape (whatever the weather!)
Wow can't quite believe it! I have 2 leaf green t shirts for DCs tomorrow . Time for a celebratory creme egg I think!
evening everyone - i hope everyone is ok? it is a bit quiet here today....helles i know you have a mid week post embargo but i do hope you are ok after your post of yesterday....
no summary from ed today either so hope things are ok there too....
nana not posted for a day or two either, so hoping HM is behaving.
SPC - do enjoy your
dirty weekend away! dont do anything i wouldnt do! i cannot wait until DH and i can have the odd weekend away....we have waited 23 years!
love to snowy and hope you are starting to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel....though i know that can take a while.
im just about to go to bed as i am truly shattered. been burning the candle at both ends a bit plus i have been at the stables all day, lots of hard work and fresh air plus riding. Am shattered. Have had a bath, and am now trying not to fall asleep in front of Question Time.....
well done on the Tshirts Queenie! (hope its ok to call you that....its too long to type colouringinqueen everytime!)
kitten if you are still lurking i hope you are ok....do join us if you feel able.
basset and mama - thoughtful and intuitive as always. You are both so caring.
im just going with the flow for now. What i suppose i had wanted was the opportunity to just go back and test the water a bit - i think i will know fairly soon how i feel about the job if i go back....but im worried i will be forced to make a decision before that happens, should i get the admin job. I did say it had my name on it due to the very specific skill set it required....but who knows. i wont be the only candidate. maybe fate will decide for me. The only down side is its half the money. but hey ho. cant have it all.
Im back at the stables on Sunday. another riding lesson too as only did a part lesson today really (its harder than learning to drive! so much coordination needed and lots to think about at once),
if i get there early enough on sunday i could tack up, but today have done lots of mucking out, water buckets, turned out a few horses, groomed, picked feet, partially tacked up my ride (im useless with a bridle!) but got the saddle spot on today....rode, then untacked (fine with that bit!) put rugs on the ponies and tied up hay nets. Was quite chuffed as i love the horse i ride, she is a gem, and as i was doing up her rug she rested her head on my neck for ages....like a horsey cuddle, very sweet, i so want my own. There are 14 at the stables, all have their own personality, I talk to them. Sometimes they answer I left at gone 7. When im there i lose track of time and end up there until riding instructor goes home too! its a long long day but it just flies past....i wish i could find paid employment that i enjoyed as much. Ive not seen DH today at all.
DD has decided to not do A level now and do a BTEC at college - for the last few days she has been a nightmare, moody, stressed, today she seems to have a weight lifted. She was more like the DD i know and love. She hates exams, she puts herself under immense pressure, so this probably makes more sense. She certainly seems more relaxed.
right. off to bed, have hair appointment tomorrow if the snow stays at bay. If its snowing its getting cancelled! too far to travel in snow....
Two of the loves of my life: Babo, and Douglas. Both lovely horses
Quickie from me. Well it won't be as I kind of need to debrief....it may become obvious why I have been AWOL.
Yesterday I left the house at 9.30am and returned at 9pm. Hence I was phusically exhausted. I was with others (often strangers) so was mentally exhausted and I knew it. Incoherent. Poor memory etc.
Today I left the house at 8am and returned at noon.I was with others from 8am till 5pm. Hence physcially and emotionally drained.
So yesterdays positives
Level 3 plus bonuses by 9am (make up. Jewellery)
Load of washing in machine.
Collected friend ON TIME
Open day at school - social interaction with strangers is a big thing for me atm.
Friends dd suffered a hand injury during PE so when we left we went straight to walk in.
I was assertive when complaining about lack of x ray at appropriate time (triage decided not needed at 2.45. When seen at 5.10 x ray was needed...but xray not available after 5pm)
Home about 6pm to collect dcs.
Went to change dd3s shoes that don't fit. Had macdonalds while out (cooking was out of the question).
Did dtd1s shopping for cookery.
In bed lights off by 11pm
Can't think of anything significant
Dressed to level 3 by 8am
Collected friend ON TIME
Took friend and her dd to walk in for x ray. (Likely to be soft tissue injury only but needs to be reassessed next week for severity)
Got some wool and bits on the market.
Treated myself to a cream donut.
Looked after friends dd until 4ish (she looked after herself really but I couldn't exactky slope off to bed)
Bathroom cleaned (I think we should all shine our bathrooms in honour of vicar and her new bathroom).
Made my own birthday cake.
Ate my own birthday cake.
Crochet stitch's scalp
Assembled crocheted piglet
Decorated crocheted tea cup.
Dishwasher loaded and switched on twice.
Forgot to get guinea pig food
Haven't made some important phone calls. Must do tomorrow.
Split pins all over my bed...hope I found them all.
So thats me. I need to write it up while I remember. Personals will come tomorrow. Slightly exhausted here.
Oh and my dcs have just driven me bonkere since they came in from school. Argumentative. Whinging. Questioned everything. REALLY Really wound me up. I felt like a horrible nasty mummy for want them to give me some peace on my birthday ...but my stress level was probably what caused it all to spiral out of control....
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