Note: Mumsnet has not checked the knowledge, experience or professional qualifications of anyone posting on Mumsnet Talk, so this is not necessarily the best place to seek help if you're feeling seriously distressed or suicidal. Mumsnet cannot be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice and support.

Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

(967 Posts)
VicarInaTutu Tue 19-Mar-13 15:27:08

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....smile

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

HellesBelles396 Tue 19-Mar-13 16:26:52

Hurrah! I why to go first - that's right. I broke my no mid-week posting rule to put my towel on the sunbed (huge grin).

NanaNina Tue 19-Mar-13 17:17:02

WOW I am only 3rd to post on new thread. Well done Vicar for getting another great title.

SO much seems to have happened since my last post (HM asleep today and yesteday)and I am taking 15mg mirtazapine and no side effects only dry mouth.

Well I read some very very kind words about me a day or so ago but can't remember who said them - think it was BF and maybe Vicar - anyway I was described as a "lovely lady with a generous spirit" and other nice things. They were soooooooo needed on that day, so whoever said it thank you!

I think the thread took a side turn and there was talk of bathroom painting, how long plaster takes to dry and bra sizes! Think there were more but can't remember.

Someone (and I really can't remember- maybe BF but not sure) was amazing because she knew each and every one of us and posted something to us. She has a posh notebook and keeps records of us and our particular MH issues.........who was, please step forward and take a bow. I was mightily impressed and think I'm going to do the same, especially as others may need a "rock to lean on"

I have noticed people who we haven't seen for ages pop up on the old thread ua and er er someone else....oh god my memory cells are so worn and I don't know where to buy replacements!

SO glad you have that interview (Vicar) and so hope you get the job, because now you are more or less recovered you should be fine at the interview. I have thought you have been going round and round in circles with your ruminations about the police and the more you post the more I think you are NOT cut out for police work. You are too warm hearted, too caring and nurturing for the police.

Hi Ed I've read a lot of your posts but can't remember them all - know you are feeling crap at the mo - sounds like physical crap rather than mental crap? Also hope you get the bullying of one of your twins at school sorted out. Sometimes your lists of what you have done leave me breathless.

But snowymouse where are you - can you please pop by even if it's just to say Hi - I think about you a lot and hope you are feeling as well as can be expected, given your circumstances.

Sorry to everyone I've forgotten. Can I suggest we all "enrol" onto this thread and then I'm going to keep a record of everyone! What do you reckon?

I'll start (something like this)
NanaNina 69 yrs old woman, diagnosis depression and anxiety (intermittent) but severe when bouts occur, without triggers or warning signs. Retired social worker & manager. Caring DP and kids all grown, 3 grandchildren. Like to stay under my duvet and hide from the world but force myself up by 1.00. Have severe bouts of crying on bad days. On good days I am "me" - yippee!!

and you................................................................

YAY YAY YAY YAY To vicar and yes it is worth shouting about!

I am honoured by the thread title.

My lists are my current therapy.

So me...I'm 35 at the moment but only for another 36ish hours.
Lots of major stressful life events over the last year (redundancy, seperation from a cheating xp...whilst he continues to cheat with the married woman that lives over the road from me, attempting a PGCE as a new single parent to 3 children, bearevement). Finally had a meltdown oct last year and have been off sick from PGCE and on 40mg fluoxetine since.
I have no idea what the formal diagnosis from that lot is but mental health assessments result in v high depression and anxiety scales. Additional current stresses include a dtd that is being bullied and a friend that is possibly emotionally abusing me. Historically abused as a child.
Currently trying to break a boom and bust cycle I am in.

Oh and I appear to be obsessed with mountain ranges...

mamakoukla Tue 19-Mar-13 18:22:31

(quickly lines up to bag a comfy seat with soft cushions, a snuggly blanket and a sunny window opposite. Maybe a cup of freshly brewed and still steaming coffee as well. Some nice plants around to liven the area up)

I am popping in quickly. DD at home with me today as she had a fever yesterday again. She is still in good spirits.

PS Vicar, the interview is a wonderful affirmation. Whatever comes and wherever you go, each little milestone is a further one on the path. Don't forget the lessons you have been learning.

NanaNina here is my little biopic -

Mamakoukla, dealing with the effects of workplace harassment and abuse and not having the sense or strength to walk away. I am dealing with anxiety and PTSD. It has been an incredible and at times impossible journey and I am only starting to have some glimmer of future hope. The support I have found on this thread, started by Vicar, and an appreciation of the many shades of 'normal' for those of us who are living with mental health challenges has made a huge difference to me and helped me be more accepting and kind especially to myself. For example, I have found respite on the worst days by letting myself have rest whereas before I felt wrong to do so. It was one of my turning points. I love the thoughtfulness, the openness, the camaraderie, the thread in total.

Ed many thanks for making me part of the Himalayas. They are fascinating so that's a compliment. They are still undergoing significant structural change, with accompanying impact to the flora and fauna, and they cover different cultures and geographies. I like diversity, the interconnectedness of factors and how they interplay, and all of these are things I am curious about smile

Sending hugs to allxxx

mamakoukla Tue 19-Mar-13 18:32:42

biopic = wrong term

More like biosketch

HellesBelles396 Tue 19-Mar-13 18:37:52

hellesbelles aka Helles or hb. 35 and 22 hours!
ds of 12.
xh long gone - no contact. diagnosis: sad (both kinds), premenstrual dysphoria (no longer called pms!), gad, and - unsurprisingly - depression. chronic kind so life-long medication sad
procrastinator par excellence

reasons? mum and dad both mh issues so grew up in a very negative environment always anticipating worst possible outcome + dm toxic cos everything's all about her.

work as an hlta, run a cub pack, finishing degree through OU. bloody shattered.

hate washing up.

slightly obsessed by how much worse one feels after staying on bed all day!

SnowyMouse England Tue 19-Mar-13 18:58:03

I'm 33, still here, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder

N

SnowyMouse England Tue 19-Mar-13 18:58:27

No dh, dcs, pets etc

VicarInaTutu Tue 19-Mar-13 20:50:49

hi snowy! so glad you found us again at the new place smile

hope the others find us, and of course all welcome old and new.

I feel slightly incredulous about the interview....best dust off my suit. Its in April though and chances are i'll be back at work....not quite sure what to tell them. I thought that job was long gone, i applied at the end of January. Only down side is its a big drop in pay....
im going to go to interview anyway. its practice. Plus if i am back to work before then, i will be able to weigh up better whether i want out or not.

so then. quick run down on me.

Am 41, married 22 years in April to very kindly DH. 2 kids, eldest is DS and is 21, has Aspergers Syndrome, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, is at the minute away for the final year of his degree in Computer Science. Its been respite of sorts.
Youngest is 15, DD, both kids very affable and generally nice. (though DS is hard work...)

I am currently suffering for the first time in my life from depression which has required medication, but ive always had anxiety issues. On 100mg Sertraline (which i have just realised i have omitted to take today so be back in a mo......)

right. im back.
Probably triggered in part due to the incredible stress i felt under in my job. Then the crushing disappointment in realising my dream job is a crushing disappointment - or maybe im a crushing disappointment....still trying to work it out.

I got into the police 2 1/2 years ago. DS was going to uni....yay i thought.....not to be though. DS is still very much a full time job, and i got myself into a bit of a pickle. My physical health suffered dreadfully and i finally gave up the ghost in November last year when my GP signed me off and put me on the sertraline. At that time i didnt really believe for one minute that i was depressed, but i was spending more and more time in bed, appetite went, energy levels were zero, i felt crap, i looked crap and i did nothing but sleep, my body was knackered, (verruca gate anyone? ) i felt drained. I had put it all down to working shifts. its taken until very recently to feel anything like back in the land of the living. So a good 5 months. I have been helping out at a local livery yard where im learning to ride, and that has been a tonic. Ive also been diagnosed with a hiatus hernia which is causing damage to my vocal chords. stress and nights apparently dont help. (no shit sherlock!)

the whole thing has been a surprise to me. I have gone through some very difficult times and prided myself on my ability to make like the duracell bunny....just go on regardless.

I come from a very dysfunction family, which included abuse and neglect, hospitalisations and social workers until i finally left home at 15. i did attempt to maintain contact with toxic mother and step father but 13 years ago i realised they did nothing but hurt me. I cut contact. ive had none since. i found out step father died relatively young (52) of heart attack (not bloody surprised - always wondered how he avoided bursting a blood vessel....he was a thick, sadistic, pathetic little bully boy who could not control his anger) mother attempted to get in touch last year - i had counselling and decided to keep my distance. ditto with half brother, who is very damaged. (identity crisis - wears womens clothes, is alcoholic, was homeless for 3 years and a heroin addict for 10 years....) so you can see what i was missing! i am the white sheep of the family....grin

im surprisingly sane considering (honest!)

DS had meningitis at 3 and was gravely ill and in hospital for almost 2 months, and took 2 years to recover. Through his childhood my life was a whirlwind of working part time, hospital appointments and fights with school to get his disabilities recognised as a special educational need....

then in 2004 my beloved sister died in a car accident.

Ive no idea why now. why i hit rock bottom only now. but i did. but im slowly feeling better. ive accepted that i did need the meds. that i did need the rest.

i thought i was perfect material for a career in the police, but the culture is hard, and i dont think i fit it. I also have issues with confidence.

this is now the 3rd thread - its been a lifeline. The ladies who post on here have been my rocks....my confidantes, my friends.

all are welcome. its a lovely place - full of warm and lovely ladies who chivvied me up when i need it and gave me space to do what ever i needed to do to aid recovery. Even if that meant staying in bed. Bed was my safe space for many weeks. I found we had that in common and i felt less guilty about it!

The thread title is because ed had a few associated us all with mountain ranges....im Ayres Rock, (which i love!) her impressive knowledge of mountain ranges has come in handy....and its a nice description. something majestic about mountains, and they are still there, standing tall, after all those years. So im very proud to be a rock to anyone who needs one, just as these lovely, warm and kind hearted ladies have been to me!
smile

right. enough of the soppy stuff.

here is to the next 40 pages! wine

EggwiniasRevenge Tue 19-Mar-13 22:00:39

Evening all.

Glad to see most have found their way over here smile

There is a flaw in the plan of me giving everyone the names of rocks..I don't have a rock name...I didn't name myself sad

Now I have a dilemma. I need opinions on something...its all tied into the bullying.

G1 was at same primary. Shes the queen bee. She has incited poor behaviour in others. Settled down since teacher had words but still excludes dtd1 but feelings mitual.

G2 different primary. Initially involved by way of doing G1s dirty work. Pushing chairs back. Name calling. All minor in isolation. Some incidents yesterday which seemed to be her ringleading.

G3 same primary. Mostly laughing along with the others but some name calling.

G4 different primary. Mostly laughing along with the others. Don't think she has actually done anything specific to dtd1.

G1 is the worst offender...through to G4 who is the minimal offender in DTD1s eyes if that makes sense.

Now G2 and G4 will talk to DTD1 but only if G1 isn't around. They had great fun at play when G1 isn't there but when she is DTD1 is excluded.

Now...DTD1 has been invited to G4s sleepover/party. She obviously wants to go. I'm reluctant given the bullying. She still gets on with G4. She's never really not got on with her...but G4 is very much in allegience with the queen bee. G4 categorically won't speak to DTD1 if queen bee is about...and they have all been invited. There are however about 8 going in all.

Wwyd...sleepover or no sleepover???.

bassetfeet Tue 19-Mar-13 23:12:35

ED this is the mountain name I choose for you . Chomolungma

earthobservatory.nasa.gov/IOTD/view.php?id=1155

Tibetan word for Everest .........Mother goddess of the world flowers

Can change it if you want though . Wont be huffed wink.

VicarInaTutu Tue 19-Mar-13 23:22:52

ok
first things first....you need a rock. since you are my mumsnet twin i give you

twin rocks, Utah

there are so many amazing rock formations to choose from!

now this sleepover....

have you talked to DTD1 and asked her what she thinks? its a really difficult call....on the one hand DTD1 will not want to be left out, and it could sort out the bullying if she did go.

or it could be a nightmare for her, if the rest gang up and carry on....

what does DTD1 think will happen? Part of me thinks it would be a real shame to have her miss out because of Queen Bee....

but is it just going to upset her if she does go?

does she have a mobile phone?
would she ring you if it was horrible for her?
are you in a position to go and get her if she says she needs to come home?

i would sit down and talk to her about the reality of what might happen...if you trust her to call you if it goes pear shaped then id let her go.

do you know Queen Bees parents at all?
or G4 parents? i would be inclined to speak to G4s mum and just let her in on whats been happening at school - if she is a decent person and you trust her to keep an eye on things then let her go. i would go out of my way to find out about G4s parents.....

if not....then i would do my best to talk her out of it.
Girls are a nightmare for this crap. DD is being left alone at min....after the little darlings egged my house its all gone quiet. I think parents found out....no idea how though. that said, i did report to police.....just in case things got worse....and DD spoke to trusted teacher at school....it seems to have done the trick whatever it was.

its a worry. hope you get it sorted ed

VicarInaTutu Tue 19-Mar-13 23:24:14

like bassets rock choice! much more profound than mine!

bassetfeet Tue 19-Mar-13 23:32:01

Cant think of anything to add to Vicars excellent advice re the bullying . Just am horrified at the cruelty of these girls . Speak to the mum definately and give your daughter a mobile to contact you . Ask her to give you a quiet call from loo so you know she is ok and all is going well /or not .........so you dont spend the night fretting Ed .

bassetfeet Wed 20-Mar-13 00:15:33

Anyway before I hit the stairs and the nightie
A warm hug to UA . I am so sorry to hear of your dads illness and hope his improvement continues . A very worrying time for you . I know a little how it feels re the illness piled on illness . Stay strong as you can and keep posting if it helps flowers

Another warm hug to SirBoob . I know your name and have noticed the kind and sensible empathy that you give to others . So sorry that you are struggling at the moment. After surgery you are bound to feel vulnerable and it does shake a fragile psyche. I do hope that you will share here with us anything that troubles you . I find writing one of the best therapies ever .
At least online if I witter then I can be deleted or hidden !

Ok Nina my back history as it is

Always anxious child and mother narcissist with enabling father. That light bulb moment came when my dear sister had to have therapy in her forties.
Hospitalised after suicide attempt when I was 19 .
Then met my OH who has been my rock since then . Have two sons .Worked and adjusted our shifts ...got dog ......walking holidays .....happy and very very lucky .

Had bad breakdown in my 40s . Looking back it was caused by the pressure I felt under from work and the ridiculous hours I worked without pay late .
Thought I was superwoman [silly sod] ....so home cooked meals and pristine house blah blah . Now know I was just trying to keep control on my environment as my mind went into meltdown .

Had time off and went back to work without meds or therapy offered . Fine for a while on the surface .

Two years later . Yup it happened again . I became agrophobic with panic attacks and couldnt leave my home without a family member. The shame of that is seared into my soul. No it shouldnt be . But it is.

My guardian angel appeared one day after a very dark time when by chance I was given appt with this GP . Meds given and kindness . So overlooked isnt it Kindness ?

Anyway I worked hard for a few more years but was finding it hard to keep up My husband got diagnosed with aggressive cancer. So I left after seeing the signs of another meltdown .

Find mindfulnness a huge help . And this place that Vicar started bless you .

Nose down on the keyboard yet blush ?

EggwiniasRevenge Wed 20-Mar-13 00:22:23

Hmmm.

I am unsure about the rock thing...I feel chomolunga is too grand. Too significant. Too...just too much rock for me. There are others on this thread that are far more worthy.

So I like vicars idea...the twin theme...but they aren't twined with ayres rock...so I've learnt a little more about mountains this evening and propose Mt. Olga. A sandstone rocky outcrop 15miles from ayres rock.

So..bullying. I don't want her to go. But I think I will probably let her. She will have her phone with her. She will almost certainly have her ipad with her (they all have them from school) so she will have half a dozen ways to contact me. There is a bigger group going and she says the other girls are nice. Tbh she likes all but queen bee...its just that the other girls feel pressured to freeze her out when she's around. This is good friday so I can always hope she is busy and can't attend. I think as long as there are no further incidents this week at school it should be fine. ..im just being the overprotective and fretting mother smile.
I do know queen bees mum (she is a pretty good friend of my 'friend'). But she has mental health concerns and I believe she is currently in a trough so finds it difficult to deal with this sort of stuff. I've never met g4s mum but as far as I can tell from fb her family seem respectable but I have no idea of personality etc.

So briefly my positives
Took meds
Put dw on
Put tumble on
Emptied boot of car which was chocka with brownie stuff.
Mosied around shops. Bought dd3 new trainers. Bought dd3 new school shoes which need to go back.
Bought a couple of birthday presents and lots of cards.
Played a game with dd3
Bedtimd reading with dd3
Tidied kitchen after tea so no mess in the morning.
Crocheted winne the poohs scalp.

Negs
Morning nap. But feel justified by the fact I did feel infintely better after (which tells me I needed it and it had value).

Going to read a quick chapter then bed. Busy day out tomorrow. I am spending the day at dtds school. Kind of an open day type thing. Will bd interesting....

So night all...catch you all some time tomorrow.

EggwiniasRevenge Wed 20-Mar-13 08:34:56

Good morning...

Feeling alive and energetic today smile

But feeling wierd at the same time. I'm noticeably trembly for the first time in days. I'm nauseous again. Wonder if it is subconsciously the school thing??? The having to face the world...

Right back later....need to clear my fridge cos its bin day.
Need to throw half a chemical factory in my loo as I have visitors later.
Need to straighren my hair and add some bonuses to my current level 3

VicarInaTutu Wed 20-Mar-13 08:55:40

morning!

im still level 1 but shortly to be level 3.....(just realised ed you probably need to post an explanation of the levels!)

ive got a facial this morning, and then im going to gloss the bathroom door and give the walls another quick coat with a roller this time so the brush marks dont show.
bathroom looks fab. i keep walking in and just looking at it! i spent an hour arranging bits and pieces in it and putting shampoo away yesterday. DH had to come and find me. its a pleasure to be in there! tonight, im taking a glass of wine, a book, a candle and im going to soak....DD christened shower this morning - no leaks! no steam! oh the luxury of not having to open windows (we had a new ceiling put in so got new spot lights - one has a fan which is brilliant!) im like a kid with a new toy.....

no bonus points for me due to facial - hair needs washing but ill sort it after ive finished painting - i tend to get more paint on myself than the walls....

right. best go and get some clothes on. typically twinned with you again ed - feeling energised. Just thinking re the shaking....have you been taking your meds regularly? i start with the trembly jaw thing if i miss mine...and because im feeling better i keep forgetting to take them and i ran out for 2 days last week and really noticed it....)

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 20-Mar-13 10:46:57

Morning, level 1 here, in productive mode though.

Hopefully this will include a thumbnail sketch in due course.

Hi vicar and friends. Long time lurker here plucking up the courage to ask if I can join your lovely supportive thread.

My summary:
41 yr old, married to lovely DH, two DCs 4 and 8.
Since the new year I've been suffering from severe depression. It seems to be as a result of a combination of stuff happening over the last year - company I helped to grow being taken over and basically doesn't now exist. Being made redundant in the summer. DP having severe depression most of last year, youngest DC starting school in September, and my older DC breaking leg really badly at Christmas. Two weeks after her break we came back from hosp, me with a headache and I had to go to bed. Then I just couldn't physically get up over the weekend....

This stuff plus i'm realising via 3 weeks of counselling now that my mother has been depressed most of my life to varying degrees. She had abusive parents and multiple miscarriages so I can understand it. But she's never really tried to get better which I'm now finding hard to deal with. As a child I learned to put her emotions before my own, and seemed to have developed an unhealthy habit of putting other people's emotions first and not recognising properly, processing or expressing my own emotions effectively - so I believe that habit plus all last year's stuff has led to a bit of a breakdown this year.

My DP was also made redundant 2 weeks ago and while it's not a disaster financially, its more change and I'm struggling to feel like there's any solid ground at the moment. I've been seeing a different GP the last 2 weeks (mine went on mat leave) who's been better and am seeing her twice a week. I'm on Fluoxetine, and added Trazodone to the mix just over a week ago as my anxiety (DP redundancy driven I think) sent me into a crazy place. Calmer this week and am learning to pace myself better eg nap after lunch is helpful, plus DP is doing school run which makes my start to the day a bit later and less stressful. Sorry this is a long one, but that's everything in a nutshell. In terms of mountains, can I opt for a small one in the Lake District (where I've spent many happy holidays) called Angletarn Pike.

Sending warm supportive wishes to you all.

NanaNina Wed 20-Mar-13 14:15:34

Oh soooo glad to hear from you Snowymouse - will you try and pop in as I/we do worry about you.

Glad others are giving pen pictures - it really helps.

Ed I think dt1 must go to the sleepover. G4 can't be that bothered about upsetting Queen B if she has invited your girl, and Queen B will know this. I think it's very positive that your dt1 has been invited. Just might even things out within the friendship groups. I'm told by my dil (primary school teacher - always has Yr 6) that the girls group and re-group and fall out, and scapegoat someone and makes friends again..........and on and on it goes. I can even remember something similar at school and I am going back over 60 years!!!

I am disagreeing with others, but I wouldn't talk to your girl too much about it nor phone other mothers etc as I think this could blow this thing up out of all proportion. Better I think to be cool about it and not show dt1 that you are anxious, or are ruminating about whether she should go. Send her off with a "have fun" comment. She has her mobile and can phone you if necessary.

NOW come on other AWOLS from the thread and do you pen picture and welcome to CinQ

I shall be checking and I think I'm the oldest member of the group so can be bossy!!!

bassetfeet Wed 20-Mar-13 15:58:52

Nice to meet you CiQ smile . This place is wonderful to chat and get advice
And warm support. Hope you feel comfy with us .

What a hellish time you and your family have been through recently . So many blows . We soldier on because we have to ..until our body and mind react and resist one day as we all now know here. So sorry you have had a truly awful two years .
I empathise with that feeling of how the steady ground on which we walked suddenly shifts beneath us . Nothing feels safe anymore and walking further up the road is full of potholes and cracks or so it seems.

Good you are getting some counselling and a good Gp? I hope your OH has not had a set back re his own redundancy . Twice for both of you is cruel so cruel . Two little ones must mean you get little time for naps and the opportunity to hide from the world a while. You may have gathered that we like our naps here wink and Helles is the boss who turfs us out bless her .

Liking your mountain name very much . Adore the LAKES also . Never been to Angle pike though but have just goggled it . route through Boredale Hause ?
Looks so peaceful . One constant in this turbulent illness is the landscape and the steady grounding it gives us I think if we can walk and listen and look
Jeeze I am sounding like Wordsworths batty aunt here blush
so best shove off .

Hope Snowy is doing ok . And SirBoob .......and UF

Waving to all the other mountain ladies . Noticed that ED has her new Easter name already grin.

Bugsbasset Wed 20-Mar-13 16:28:38

Ahem cough cough ^ ^

Anything ED can do I can do also [sings]

Rabbits are Eastery arent they? confused

Aaagh just wrote a long post and the site crashed angry so apol if this is over brief!

Hi Nana and Basset and thanks for the welcomes and support. Basset I have only just worked out your changed name - my brain is so not working at the mo!

Yes I like naps too grin and am allowing myself an hour after lunch to help pace myself. Fortunately my DCs are at school so I can save up my energy for the 3-6 slot. They have noticed somethings not right and have been asking DH when mummy will be better which is pretty heartbreaking tbh.

You're totally right about angletarn and boredale hause grin Its not the biggest peak but I have fond memories of going up there with my dad and next brother down and the views are beautiful. You don't sound like a batty aunt - its lovely to talk to another Lakes fan.

My DH seems to be doing OK. He has recovered well from his depression which was mostly work-related. He's had a lot of support, is on Sertraline, had 3 months of CBT which was v effective and was also referred to a charity called the Richmond Fellowship who help people with mental illness in the workplace. He's seeing them the end of July (and they're going to incorporate some CBT) which is reassuing. Tbh sometimes I find him a bit manic cos he's so happy confused

Loving the Easter names - will have to get my thinking cap on x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now