How do you know when you are suffering from depression?

[Wereonourway]

I have been a bit if a wreck today, tears in eyes, now I feel numb.

Bit of background- I left an abusive ex in the summer, we have a ds aged 2.3. He was truly awful emotionally and verbally and although I recognise that's affected me I really think I might have underestimated just how badly.

I've moved on, wish I had earlier. I'm renting a home with ds and he is happy and healthy and makes me extremely proud. Sometimes I am proud I got out, sometimes I am ashamed and sickened I didn't get out long before I did.

Ex tries to manipulate and bully me over his contact times, this is something I'm learning to disengage from but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me extremely anxious.

My heart is broken for ds. I try very hard to keep things stable for him, he gets lots of love and care from us both but worry so much about what he thinks and how the situation will affect him. I try to reason with his dad and be amicable but faced with such a narcissist it's impossible.

Now I've found out I can't get housing benefit, my wage is just above the threshold and I'm paying the vast majority of wages in rent. I budget well, don't spend anything unnecessary and yet every week is a struggle really.

I can't move as anywhere with cheaper rent as anywhere much cheaper is cheaper due to awful neighbours and areas iykwim.

Throughout this all I've not felt depressed, the last couple of days I really think I have.

My ds brightens my world, I want to be the best I can be for him and feel as though I'm letting him down.

Is this just anxiety? I have been referred or counselling but waiting list is 3-4 months and I just can't afford private counselling.

[PinkiLinzy]

Hi love,

I would say, that if you feel like you need help of any kind then ask your GP. The waiting list is a scandal but they have to prioritise the people who are at risk of harm first I guess.

In my experience, you don't necessarily feel "sad" all the time, typically - and I don't even believe in typical, you may feel irritable, extremely lethargic/tired, fidgety, no appetite, teary, inability to concentrate as well as physical symptoms like dry mouth, tight chest, needing to go the loo a lot, headaches etc.

It sounds like you have a lot on and are doing a great job, but in my personal experience help is always better the sooner you ask. Might be worth just chatting things through with your family/close friends, if they have noticed any changes in you or GP direct. Due to the strain on resources they may suggest Anti-d's initially, again just my own experience I would consider them carefully if you feel that any symptoms currently are mild, they have a take up time and are not for everyone.

Let us know how you're doing, good luck hth